15th August 2010

Arrived at the hospital at 8.30am to find William coming to the end of 3 hours off CPAP.  He had a good gas and was able to stay off for almost 4 hours.  This makes me nervous because Esther got this far but then was so exhausted that she was really quite poorly and had to go back on continuous CPAP.  But William seemed to be stable, he was awake and alert.  Now back on his CPAP he is stable just in air.

Esther is behaving much like yesterday morning.  Getting cross with her CPAP, leading to a high heartrate and low oxygen levels.  It makes me so sad because I want to make things better for her, and I can’t!

Esther weighed in last night at 1160 grams.  She will be weighed again when she comes off her CPAP this afternoon.  William has gained 10 grams and so now weighs 1480g.  Jane, today’s nurse, says that they will hopefully up his milk to 11mls hourly today to help him gain more weight. 

Jane has given me a job today, to sort out my milk drawer!

Milk Drawer

They are starting to use some of the milk now so need to put the older stuff at the top.  I will do it during the doctors’ round.

Today cares will be due at 3pm for Esther and I will do them just before so I can meet Mary and Tony at 3.  William will be due a bit after that, so I will do him at 4pm when I come back.

I am hoping to have both babies out for a cuddle together before that time.  I am quite nervous about that!

I did both babies’ nappies this morning.  William once again wet and pooed his bed during the change!  Messy boy! 

I missed the doctors this morning because I was expressing but again the babies were not examined and the plans are to stay the same.  2 hours off CPAP for Esther and 8mls hourly of milk.  She has not been weighed yet today but there is some concern about her static weight.  If she has not gained today then they may up her feed ratio to 200mls per kilo or add fortifier to her feeds to provide extra calories.  Poor little Star!  She was a bit sick today on her bed.  Just a little bit but it was definitely sick.

The date for the twins’ christening will be 30th January 2011, when Julie is here.  I hope the service will be at 4pm when it is getting dark so that it can be candle lit.  That would be lovely!  Will try to email Richard and book the date tonight.

Today I had the most wonderful experience of my life!  Esther and William met for the first time today and spent time lying together in the same incubator.  It was just wonderful!  They took a while to get used to each other but once they were, they were the most settled and stable I have ever seen them.  They mirrored each other’s positions, held hands and stroked each other’s faces.  Their legs were entwined too.  They looked like they just knew that this is how they are supposed to be.  Esther was even smiling!  She looked so tiny next to her little brother!  Poor little Star!  They are so beautiful together, I wish that David had seen them.  It is a shame that they ever have to be apart.  I love them so so much!  I really can picture them together now when they come home.  I want to take them home!

While still in with William Esther had her CPAP taken off, then after a few minutes William was taken back to his own space for his 11ml lunch!

Esther has only gained 10 grams in weight and that was rounded up!  It was actually 6 grams!  She weighs a total of 1170 grams.  I think that tomorrow her care plan will be amended to do something about her lack of weight gain.  Poor Esther Grace!

Both babies are now sleeping peacefully so I am sneaking out for some lunch.

After lunch I read to Esther.  We had Giraffes Can’t Dance and all the planned readings for our wedding! 

Esther seemed okay off her CPAP after 90 minutes but not brilliant.  She was in 31% ambient oxygen.  I don’t think she should be pushed anymore.

At 2pm I am having both babies out for a cuddle time.  I am very excited and still quite nervous about having them both out together.

Dodgy is on the radio in the nursery. Good Enough.  Listen up babies, this is from one of Mummy’s all time favourite albums!  I can’t wait to start playing proper music for the twins, instead of singing hymns and children’s songs all the time!

Nearly quiet time.  I am looking forward to my cuddle!