Our Story

Matilda Mae

Six years ago I spent my days caring for other peoples children as a primary school teacher. I loved my job. I loved planning and teaching creative lessons and loved the subjects that I led which were English (literacy) and ICT. I loved the relationships that I built with the children that I taught.

jennie and dave aug 08 087

When I met my husband David I knew that I wanted us to have children of our own.

I did not know that within seven years of meeting we would have four beautiful children and still be longing for a fifth.

Our journey to parenthood was not an easy one. We went through 4 unsuccessful cycles of IVF (ICSI) before conceiving Esther and William on our fifth cycle in 2010. Our first with the ARGC in London.

My pregnancy went really well until at 25 weeks I became ill and had to have emergency bowel surgery whilst carrying Esther and William. I survived the surgery and managed to slowly recover. I was able to continue carrying Esther and William til 27 weeks and 3 days when they were born 13 weeks too soon.

No Child is Born to Die!

No Child is Born to Die!

Esther and William spent 59 long days in NICU and SCBU before we were allowed to bring them home.

The first year with premature twins was a tough one and just one month after their first birthday I found out that I was pregnant again.

Matilda Mae, our beautiful miracle baby, naturally conceived, was born on her due date, 10.25am, and we were all able to go home for tea.

miracle matilda

Nothing in the world could have prepared us for the fact that exactly 9 months after she was born our Baby Tilda died.

Sudden Infant Death.

Our world has been turned upside down, our family torn apart.

2nd February 2013 we found our daughter sleeping, never to wake, and our lives will never ever be the same again.

Remembering Matilda Mae Hats
Since Tilda died in February 2013 we have raised over £35,000 for Bliss and The Lullaby Trust. I am a supporter of both these charities and an ambassador for Count The Kicks.

Edspire is where I share our story and I hope it is a place that can be both educational and inspirational for others with similar journeys.

I am hoping that this blog can become a resource for family fun and most importantly an example of hope after loss.

Because in spite of it all I still have faith and hope for the future of my little family and especially my children.

In 2013 as well as losing Matilda Mae we also suffered loss through an early miscarriage before falling pregnant again with our Rainbow Baby, Beatrice Hope.


Baby Bea was born in August 2014.

She is a bringer of joy and hope.

growing rainbow

So here I am in 2014, after all of the above, I am still a very proud and very busy, Mummy to Esther, William, Baby Tilda in the Sky and Bea, our bringer of hope and joy.


Edspire has become the story of our lives and it is always written with honesty, from the heart.

MAD Blog Awards


The focus of my blog is now parenting after loss and finding a new normal for our family. I am trying to do everything I can to make Esther and William happy and to keep them settled after losing their sibling. I want to blog about how we are dealing with life without Matilda Mae. I want to talk about what is helping us through each day and share our darkest moments too. I want it to be a true reflection of life now that Baby Tilda is in the sky.

I also hope to document the life of Baby Bea, and what it is like to raise a rainbow.

raising rainbow big

Edspire is a personal diary of our adventures together, good and bad, but I want it to be so much more.

In July 2014 Esther and William turned four and Edspire is going to be used for recording the activities we do together from drama to craft, from story telling to imaginative and messy play. I want to bring some of the teacher side of me into my parenting and my writing. I have so many ideas!

If you would like to join us on our journey in anyway then please get in touch through the blog or Twitter, or you can email me directly at jennie@edspire.co.uk

If you would like us to review a place or product for you then please do get in touch. We welcome all contact from PRs and are particularly interested in products and services that are relevant to our life as a family with young children. I am also keen to develop a series of reviews of home products as we strive to change our house into a beautiful family home.

Through the blog I am keen to support charities that support children and their families and in particular I love Bliss, Count The Kicks and The Lullaby Trust.

Please follow our journey and join us along the way.

41 thoughts on “Our Story

  1. Pingback: 2010 in review | Welcome to the World Esther and William

  2. Hi!

    You have an amazing story & an amazing family.

    We have twins too, also BG, now nearly 10 months, & who were ‘only’ 3 weeks premmie.

    I call myself JallieDaddy & the twins are Jacob (Jake) & Eleanor (Ellie); together known as ‘Jallie’.

    I’m looking forward to reading more of your story :)

    • Oh Hi
      I have been looking at your blog today too! Must admit have not had time to read much yet but I am definitely going to as I love what I have read so far.

  3. Pingback: Our IVF Journey Part 2 | Welcome to the World Esther and William

  4. Pingback: Tweets that mention Esther Grace and William Nairn | Welcome to the World Esther and William -- Topsy.com

  5. I’ve subscribed too! I’m fascinated by your story.

    I am a twin, 4 minutes older than my twin brother. My mum was started off early, but not by much at all. We were born on the 11th of September and due on the 18th so only a week early, but twin stories always fascinate me.

    Your twins look adorable and I look forward to hearing all about how you are all getting on xx

  6. Hi
    I gave birth to Thomas at 25 weeks and 4 days. I would love to read your blog from the beginning – I have subscribed but it wont let me go to the first pages – am i doing something wrong?

    • I am sorry that you are having trouble. My fiance is fixing the problem as I type. In the meantime if you search for the post Labour Day you can read from the beginning by reading this first post and clicking next at the end. I hope that you find the blog helpful and if you have any questions then please do ask them. I know I did all the time when Esther and William were first born. Whereabouts are you? How old is Thomas now? I love the name Thomas by the way x

  7. Pingback: MAD Finalist Shock Confession! I Want To Win! « Edspire (Esther and William in the World)

  8. Just wanted to say Hi, a new follower here, I am mum to a 31 weeker and a 34 weeker, but mine are now 7 (8 in a few weeks) and 5 and god just writing that is scary about how time flies and how old they are but the prem experiene never leaves you I think. I am a big supporter of Bliss as well and found them invaluable in the early days x

  9. Hi,
    We have a lot in common! I am a mum of a 4 year old and 1 year old who also went through 8 rounds of ivf and am now lucky enough to have two. Amongst the mayhem I run a small TV production company called Dot To Dot Productions, we have made shows like BIG COOK LITTLE COOK, FUN WITH CLAUDE and GET SQUIGGLING for CBeebies and Disney. We recently decided to try our hand at Apps for 1-4 year olds. As an ex teacher I wanted to create something which was fun, but had subtle educational themes. We came up with a brand called NURSERY RHYME KARAOKE and within this have created TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR (good Christmas App and great for getting your child to sleep) and OLD MACDONALD. Special needs children seem particularly receptive to it, although granny’s of 85 years old also enjoy recording their voice and playing it back! It would be great if you could take a look and may be review. I have lots of promotional apps to give away!



    If you’d be happy to review please let me know if you’d like a code for the I Pad or I Phone.

    Many thanks


    • This all sounds wonderful but I am afraid I am totally Windows based and have no iphone or ipad. Sorry x The apps sound fab though. And we do seem to have a lot in common x Thank you for taking the time to get in touch x

  10. I wonder if you can help me? I think I was possibly a winner of a baby calendar at the end of July. I am sorry I didn’t see the post as I have been critically ill for the past year and have only just realised. I hope it’s not too late to claim.

  11. Jennie this post is so full of hope and positivity for the future. You have had an incredible journey these past 5 years and the last few months have tested you and your family beyond comprehension. Your courage is amazing whether you believe that of yourself or not. I too hope and believe there is a bright future for you all. I will continue to follow your story as I do now. Lots of love, Helen xx

  12. Hi Jennie, I’m Emma, relatively new to the world of Twitter and blogging. I remember seeing so many tweets regards your heartbreaking story, and was first made aware then of the community that exists in this blog sphere we all share. I am inspired by your courage, and that community. You shine light – as does your daughter Tilda. Thank you for continuing to be brave. I love the direction your blog is now heading and I really look forward to sharing it. PS BLISS is close to my heart too, my daughter Esme was born fighting suspected meningitis and was very sick initially. The SCBU staff will always be remembered. Emma

  13. When I see all of that written down in black and white I feel so so privileged to have such an amazing friend. Lots and lots of love to you Jennie, this blog is such a credit to you all

  14. I found your blog looking for family bloggers to review our new children’s tableware products. But I’ve been in tears after reading about you and your family and now it doesn’t seem so appropriate. I had premature twins 4 1/2 years ago and thankfully they’re now healthy and happy. I lost twins last year at 13 weeks and was devastated. So I can’t imagine how you feel after knowing your gorgeous girl for nine months and then having to be parted. My heart goes out to you. You’re so brave and amazing for sharing this journey. You’re an inspiration. x

  15. Hi,
    just stumbled across your blog via my news feed. I too had ivf to concieve b/g twins born 33+1 weeks, then found out six months later i was expecting again naturally. My little girl is one one the 23rd, at times it can be like a military operation and even then it never goes to plan. But iam thankful for every moment, tear, smile etc. You are inspirational as a family, thank you for sharing. x

  16. Jennie,
    After reading your story, I just wanted to say once again that you are very brave, and you are an inspiration. Your children are lucky to have such a strong mummy. Mel

  17. Hi I have been moved to tears reading your story and think you are an absolute inspiration….. My daughter Mabel was born 11 weeks early she is now 3 and supposedly meant to go to school on sept 2014, I am also an infant school teacher and even though Mabel has no specific learning delay we really want her to go to school when she would have done should she have been born on time… To me it’s a no brainer! Just wondered how you were getting on with delaying your twins?
    From Mabel’s mum.

  18. After reading your story I just wanted to leave you a message to let you know that I am saddened by your story but inspired by you. I had to have ICSI treatment too, and had a missed miscarriage at 7 weeks. Anyone having a ‘normal’ pregnancy might not have even known they were pregnant that early on but for us that child was already in our hearts and I felt as though the sky had fallen in. My rainbow babies (also ICSI) were born exactly one year later and they mended the break in my heart.
    I look forward to reading more about your family, and wish you all the best as you await the arrival of your rainbow baby xx

  19. Hi there,
    Discovered your blog today, this page has reduced me to tears. I cannot imagine the heartache and pain you have experienced or the strength you must have within to have gotten through it. You are a truly inspirational woman (and family). Matilda Mae was a beautiful little girl and I’m sure your newest addition will be just as beautiful. All the best with your pregnancy and every second afterwards. As for me, I’m off to give the sleeping kids one more kiss goodnight… xx

  20. Hi, THANK YOU for sharing Matilda Mae’s life with us! I’m a believer and follower of Jesus Christ and I be believe that with life’s trials we grow in faith of HIM but we also get strength. I’m fascinated by your incredible strength and courage! You and your husband have a beautiful family. I know that you will see Matilda again one day. The Lord is watching over your two babies! As for us, my husband and I started our family right away and the Lord blessed us with 3 healthy children (1999 a son, 2001 a son,& a daughter in 2003) and then we had a little miracle (born by emergency C-section) in 2007 another daughter she was born at 36weeks(my ob-gyn said she was far enough that she would be healthy and big enough) but to everyone’s surprise she only weighed 2# 15ounces. My husband and I were shocked. I didn’t have any health concerns during my pregnancy. I was only able to hold her for about 5 minutes before they took her away to Milwaukee. My little one was there about a month and they sent her home as soon as she gained 1#. It was a new experience for me other than the few times in the NICU I had never held a tiny baby like that before. The 1st year was rough she had breathing problems and we were in and out of the hospital and doctors office. But thankfully she is going to be 8years old this year and you can’t tell she was so small and healthy. I just wanted to share that with you. I’ll keep your family in my prayers and Thank You for being a loving Mommy to the children that the Lord has borrowed to you.

  21. Hi,
    I ended up in your blog because of the review on the trix tracks marble run. I’m 37, mother of a two and a half year old girl… and I still go check her every night before my husband a I go to sleep. Anyway, I just want to say that I am truly sorry that you and your family had to suffer such tragedy. It is not much, but I simply cannot leave without letting you know that I saw your story, and that I didn’t leave me indifferent. Good luck <3

  22. I love your story Matilda Mae was a darling baby. I loved her smile! I can see the heart break it brought you but you are doing really great with your children now—better than I could have. I think I am without the wisdom and will that you have in blogging and keeping on keeping on! I wish you and yours all the happiness in the world and may you have the best Christmas ever and Tilda Mae’s spirit be there with you all!
    Love Patricia

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