3.8.2010

We were late to the hospital today as I fell back to sleep whilst David was in the shower and then I needed to express more milk as I was leaking everywhere!  Got here at about 9.30am and the doctors’ rounds were underway.  We waited in the parents’ lounge whilst they worked on the other twins.

This morning in the post we got confirmation of Esther and William’s first out patient appointments.  They are on Thursday 9th December 2010 at 2pm and 2.40pm.  They will be 6 weeks old by their corrected age and actually 4 and a half months old.  It is good that they give so much notice and wonderful that they are confident the twins will both still be around.

Caleb is gone this morning.  Machines are off and cot renewed!  So sad!

The doctors are still pleased with our two.  Esther is staying on the same milk and William is having 1ml hourly for today.  William will have 2 hours off CPAP twice today and Esther is continuing with 4.

At 10am I did Esther’s care.  I really took my time and talked to her and sung to her as I worked.  I had a bit of a fright when I found blood on my hands!  I called the nurse in panic but it was just where her heel prick was bleeding.  It did give me a fright!

At 10.30am William was due his new house.  I was allowed to cuddle him for half an hour.  It was wonderful!  I sang to him and talked to him about his Daddy and all the exciting things they will do.  At 11am I went to do milk.  I only managed about 100mls despite all the cuddles with young William.

The nurse has given me William’s first CPAP hat to keep as he needs a bigger size now.  It is the first thing to go in his keepsake box!

Esther came off her CPAP at midday and William was given a woollen blue blanket.  While Esther was off I read her a version of Rapunzel where the princess gives birth to boy and girl twins!  As the story finished it was time for William to come off for his 2 hours.  He was clearly working hard but looked very relaxed.  His hair is so dark and seems to be starting to get long.  William was struggling off his CPAP.  The nurse turned him onto his stomach but he was still working very hard.  the nurse gave his mouth some suction and also some facial oxygen to help his levels.  Poor little William!   He needs to grow big and strong.  Esther seems so much more stable.  I love them both so much!

Today I am at hospital 9.30 – 1.30 and 4 – 6.  Tomorrow I am hoping that David will agree to us both doing 8.30 – 11 and 5 – 7, possibly with Clare and Sujo here in the evening.  The house is starting to get to me so I want to spend some time tomorrow sorting and tidying.  David and I are also going to buy some furniture to store our clothes and for the nursery.  We also need to collect a cot bed from a friend.  There is so much to do when all I want to do is be with the babies.  Our babies!  Our beautiful babies!

Had a lovely lunch with Michele and Edward.  Bought some olive oil for the babies skins, maternity pads, breastfeeding vitamins, 5 giraffe sleepsuits and a blanket for each of the twins.  Esther’s is cream and William’s is yellow.

Got back to the unit at 3.45pm, in time to do Esther’s cares.  More yellow poo!  Esther did not quite manage ger 4 hours off CPAP but William did his 2.

Michele came in to see the twins for half an hour and then she left as I needed to express some milk.  For the first time in 10 days there was not a steriliser free when I needed one.  I am waiting patiently now but feeling like I might burst!

William has had the cannula taken out of his arm so both his arms are wire/tube free for a while.  He has grogeous arms, just like his Daddy!  Michele said that she is starting to see David and I in the twins now and particularly in William.

David is coming back to the hospital at 6pm.  I hope that I have managed to express by then!

To my untrained eye Esther seems to be struggling with her breathing today.  Admittedly a lot of it is to with the fact that she keeps pulling off her CPAP mask, but it was quite worrying to watch.  On a positive note, from 2pm Esther has been on 5mls of milk an hour.  Such a good girl!

Speaking of milk – it is 5.15pm and I am still waiting to express!

5.30pm and appx 140mls espressed.  Phew!  I had to use the spare pump in the quiet room as I was quite worried that I might explode!

I came back at 5.45pm and Esther still looked like she was struggling.  She looked unhappy and not at all at ease.  I am quite worried about her actually.  Poor little Star!

William looked more peaceful as the evening began. 

I am taking their blankies home again and am going to sleep with them tonight then bring them back, as recommended by the nurse.  Will wash their blankets tonight too.

Both babies set off a lot of alarms today with their breathing.  Come on Babies!  Be strong for Mummy.  She needs you to fight through this and grow big and strong so that she can take you home.

I spoke to Caleb’s Mummy.  He took any decision out of their hands and passed away early this morning.  She is being so brave and strong, hoping and praying now that Maya will survive.  I cannot imagine being in her position.  I could not bear to lose Esther or William.  I love them both so much!

By 6pm Esther seemed to be calming but William was getting upset.  I hope they have a restful night.

Sleep sweet our beautiful son and daughter x