I think this was a cry for help that was missed. Perhaps I was already suffering what would become more like depression as the weeks and months passed.
Now – it feels like a life time ago but perhaps it will one day help others in those very weary shoes x
Original Post
Today I am struggling to smile.
I feel completely wiped out and in need of some proper RnR.
I love Esther and William with all my heart. They are such good babies, I really should not complain. But … because they were 3 months premature at 8 months they are still very much like 5 month olds and so still completely reliant on me for physical support, entertainment and most of their food.
Surely life will become just a little easier when they can sit up on their own for more than 3 seconds and begin to play together a little?
Surely life will become sweeter when they are not breastfeeding through the night?
I do not mean to sound ungrateful, I wanted these babies so much but I was not in any way prepared for how completely my life would change and how overly tired I would become.
Today for example we have been up since 6am and this is the first 5 minutes I have without a baby in my arms. Poor Esther and William are teething and so not sleeping very well. William has started sleep crawling and disturbed Esther’s nap by clambering on top of her! He cannot crawl when he is awake! Esther is now asleep in our bed though I can hear her stirring and I have just managed to put William down in his carry cot, here in the lounge. It has taken my Mum, David and I to get through this day so far as each of the twins’ has been so needy. This is an out of the ordinary day but it really has gotten me down!
On the whole, we have good days, amazing days, bad days and terrible days and I would not trade any of them for the world. What I do wish is that I was better able to cope, better equipped to deal with all the challenges that arise. I know that I am doing my best but on days like today it just does not feel good enough. I feel like I should be doing more, that I should know more than I do.
Baby waking …
Do you have times like this?
PICNIC IN THE PARK
Anyone with a young baby (never mind twins) & no matter if it’s your 1st or 5th baby, have many days where you feel like you are just ‘surviving’ the day. Then something amazing happens like they smile or crawl or make you laugh & all is forgotten.
I think your best is more than good enough, and your ‘adequate’ would do for the most part.
More importantly enjoy these early days, before you know it they are nearly 16 and sitting GCSE’s (speaking from experience). x
Thank you. I know you are right and I do make the most of everyday. I am already noticing that they are not tiny babies anymore. Each stage will pass so quickly I know. Thank you x
I’m sorry you went through days like this – I can’t even imagine how hard it must be to cope with twins at times, although I’m sure you get double the rewards too 🙂 I think all parents go through this at some point and who knows why for some people it passes and for others it lingers too long. Thank-you for sharing, it certainly helps me to know I am not the only one to have felt this way x