Mum, Remember When I …

Obviously Esther and William cannot talk very much at the moment being just 15 months old and only a year corrected. They have the odd word such as duck and star and ball. All the important things! But they cannot ask me what I remember about them. If they could I think that there are two things they might be asking of me right now.

My little nephew is one week old today. I think, if they could, Esther and William would ask:

Mum, do you remember when we were a week old?
Mum, do you remember when we were that big?

My nephew is a term baby. Born at the right time with a healthy weight of 8lb 7oz. I had to search through my old notes and photos to find out when Esther and William were that size. It certainly was not when they were born. Esther and William weighed around 8/9 lbs in December 2010. They were 5 months old, 2 months corrected. I dug out the photos to try and make comparisons, particularly between Toby and William, but it is so hard because Toby is a floppy newborn and William was already gaining some strength in his body by the time he reached an equal weight.

Nevertheless, I want to answer the questions, in case they do ask me one day.

So, do I remember when Esther and William were a week old? How can I ever forget?

My gorgeous babies were in NICU. I was still recovering not only from the birth but from the emergency bowel surgery that has caused them to come so early. I was also trying to deal with the guilt of being the reason they wee born so soon and so small. It was a strange time as a Mummy. Spending every day by their incubator side hoping for a five minute cuddle. Reading stories, singing songs and telling my precious babies about the world they were yet to meet. All in the hope that they would recognise my voice. This day was a remarkable miracle day. It was the first time ever that William opened his eyes. He was so beautiful. Our baby boy. Our son. He opened his eyes and I fell even more in love than I ever could have imagined. And I still fall a little bit more each and every day.

And, do I remember when Esther and William were that size?

8lbs – 9lbs. Yes, I do.

It was December 2010.

We came home from hospital on the 21st September 2010 and so were settled at home together and were spending time around the house rather than just in the nursery like we did for the first few days. Esther and William were so tiny that they had to feed every couple of hours though it felt like much more than that at the time, particularly if they got out of sync!! We did not have many visitors as we were advised not to by the hospital because of the risk of infection. It was a lovely time for us as a little family. We did go out for walks most days but a lot of the time we were tucked up in the warmth and safety of our little house, getting to know each other. At 5 months Esther and William could have just been born. They were so tiny. But they were strong.

They were enjoying their tummy time and beginning to be able to lift their heads for short periods of time. They were also smiling and so it was a time when I felt we were starting to get something back. Those early weeks I remember seemed like very hard work with not much reward in return. But that first cheeky smile, nothing can beat that moment. William’s I remember the most clearly, it was in the bath and it melted my heart. William was always pulling funny faces when he was this size.

And so there we have it, funny how another baby being born in the family brings all these memories and emotions back. Especially when I myself am expecting again.

It was a privilege seeing Esther and William develop from 27 weeks but I really do not want to go through it again.

This time I am hoping for a long and uneventful pregnancy and a proper little newborn to take home at the end of it.

Just like my nephew Toby!

Happy one week birthday Little Toby. We love you x

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