After a wonderful but exhausting time at Brit Mums Live 2012 I am back at home on the sidelines of my family.
How is it possible to feel like an outsider looking in at my own family? But that is exactly how I feel.
Matilda Mae was so beautifully behaved at Brit Mums. Now we are home and she is refusing to feed and sleep meaning I cannot be with Esther and William.
And if I did try I am sure they would just ask for Daddy!
How has it come to this?
Through a combination of late pregnancy, illness and nursing a newborn I seem to be playing less and less of a role in our family life and it is breaking my heart.
Has anyone else ever felt like this?
I feel like I am missing out on so much.
At Brit Mums I had Matilda in her Baby Bjorn all day which I am happy to do at home as long as I get to have a shower first and that has not been a possibilty today. Nor has breakfast!
Where has my self confidence gone?
I need to make a plan.
I want my Mummy mojo back.