For a while now I have been wondering if I have post natal depression.
I don’t think it would surprise many people if I were to be diagnosed.
For the moment though it just me saying what I am sure I know to be true.
Something with me at the moment is not quite right.
I had thought that I would not blog about having post natal depression but for me my blog is my therapy.
Writing is just what I do.
I am not a talker.
I have no confidants.
This is just what I do.
The last few days though mentally I have been quite sound and stable, I have been feeling generally down trodden and tired.
Our whole family are recovering from coughs and colds, the children have had sticky eyes.
Today it has been confirmed that my beautiful children’s conjunctivitis has spread to me in the form of impetigo on my face.
I also am facing an MRI scan and physiotherapy for disc damage in my back meaning that I am finding moving uneasy and lifting my three children really hard.
I feel like my body is saying to me, “Woman, enough is enough. We need some help here!”
I feel like my actual body is calling out for help.
Lots of well meaning people over the last few days have asked if I am okay, concerned that I do not seem myself.
I am myself.
I am just broken.
So I am starting to fix myself from the outside.
Starting with the horrible and painful sores on my face.
Followed by my debilitating back pain.
I am then going to start taking some time for me.
I am not getting any younger.
I need to look after me so that I am better able to look after my children. My family.
So, face, back, smear test, dentist. I am going to take just one day a week that is mine to get something done that is taking care of me.
And when there is no dental treatment required, no hospital appointment or physio session. Then I am going to have a massage or a facial, something to improve my general well being.
I am feeling utterly broken and the only one who can fix me, is me.