Dear Matilda Mae: Born To Be An Angel?

You had the most infectious smile
A hearty giggle too
You were so happy and content
Nothing seemed to phase you

You were bished and bashed by both the twins
They found you such a trouble
But I know that if they had a choice
They’d march you back here at the double

You loved to play with jingle bells
You clapped your tiny hands
You loved your mummy’s singing
You were my number one fan

Your eyes lit up for wheels on the bus
You chattered along to stories
You nodded your head when something was said
You never found anything boring

You sat up from an early age
Your posture was just outstanding
You were learning to crawl the day you died
But often fell with a crash in your landing

You did not like to be alone
You cried if I left a room
I would never ever have put you down
If I’d known you’d be gone so soon

You were not very good at rolling
You often got stranded on your back
But you used to try things over again
Determination you did not lack

You wanted always what you couldn’t have
Especially when it came to toys
You loved watching Esther and William play
You enjoyed their fun and their noise

You loved it when your Daddy was there
You liked sitting with him as he worked
You used to stare at our computer screens
As though you could read every word

Your favourite thing was a waste paper bin
You loved rummaging with what was inside
You loved nothing an old magazine
You destroyed them with gusto and pride

You loved to sleep wrapped in my arms
It was wonderful having you there
I am struggling to sleep at night right now
The emptiness of not having you there

I hate waking without your nuzzling
Without your chubby fingers poking my face
Without you pulling or chewing my hair
There is nothing can ever take your place

You had the most intense chocolatey eyes
You wooed total strangers with those eyes
Everyone commented on your beauty
Perhaps they realised

You were too special for this earth
It is becoming clear to me
You have touched so many lives
I am certain this has to be

I think my darling Matilda Mae
You were never meant to stay
You came to teach us, help us, better us
But you were always going to be taken away

In the moments I am strong enough
I think in my heart I know
You were born to be an angel
God has made this so

He chose us to look after you
To help you earn your wings
Now he has reached down and taken you back
On to better more beautiful things

Your memory will live on in each of us
In every person you touched
This is what I have to believe
When the sadness gets too much

You are our precious daughter
We loved you all we could
And now you are with the angels
For earth you were just too good

Be happy my beautiful darling
Look down on us from the sky
Please know my heart is breaking
I will love you til I die

Then we will once again be together
We will giggle and cuddle and play
For I am always your mummy
And I will get you back one day

Until then I will live my life
In such a way to make you proud
I will care for siblings old and new
And talk to you in the clouds

I will look after your Daddy
Help him to be strong
We are a family including you
Nothing will ever break our bond

Thank you for being wonderful you
Thank you for all your love
Thank you for magical memories
Keep watching us from above

I promise to say your name every day
I promise to include you in our lives in every way
I promise to love you with all that I am
And I promise to find you as soon as I can

I love you Matilda Mae
Please please be at peace x

My Angel and Me

52 thoughts on “Dear Matilda Mae: Born To Be An Angel?

  1. Jennie this is the most beautiful poem and post I have ever read. I cannot imagine how much you are hurting right now, but your writing to your little girl is just so unbelievably poignant and beautiful. I have no doubt that you are going to make Matilda Mae so proud- you are so incredibly brave. I see your tweets on twitter and I just want you to know that the whole blogging community is there for you. She will never be forgotten. xxxx

  2. Oh Jennie – I am sobbing my eyes out, for your loss and for your incredible courage. How you manage to be so strong and philosophical – I am just in awe of you in every way. You are right though – she was a very special girl – from the magic of her unexpected conception to her beautiful brown eyes and bright smile. You can be sure that in every corner of the country people who never met her, and those of us who were fortunate enough to, are thinking of her now and will do for a very long time. My own Matilda May is going to light a candle for her xxx

  3. Such beautiful words for your beautiful Matilda Mae. I am crying and my heart is breaking for you that your angel had to go so soon. X

  4. Oh my goodness Jennie, I have shed more tears over the last few days than the last few years. I don’t know you but your tragic loss of the gorgeous Matilda Mae has shaken me to my core. I can’t begin to imagine how you are coping but your beautiful writing is a fitting tribute to your darling baby daughter. If only there was something I could do to ease you pain. With so much love xxx

  5. Such a heartfelt and beautiful piece of writing, a wonderful tribute to a wonderful daughter. Its a very special and brave idea of you being chosen to nurture and love Matilda so she could earn her wings. I’m sure things like that will help the twins when they are little and bring them comfort too. Thinking of you all xx

  6. Tears are streaming down my face reading this. Beautiful. Jennie, you are an inspiration and thank you for being so open and honest in your grief. I have learned so much from you, your courage and beautiful writing and sharing of everything you’re going through is helping to break down a wall of fear so many of us, especially me, had of talking or even thinking about this, I’m learning to stare this in the face and understand. You’re making the world an easier, kinder place for others in your darkest hour, what an amazing person you are. Matilda Mae is certainly looking down on you so proud forever of you. No matter how short her time here was to be she chose you to be her mummy for a reason.. she chose so well!

  7. Beautiful.

    There is a line from Khalil Gibran, when he talks about death, which says ‘Let me sleep, because my soul is intoxicated with love.’

    Matilda was taken so many years too soon, but there’s no doubt from reading this that her soul will have been filled completely by your love in the time you had together xx

  8. Such a beautiful and moving post, my heart is breaking for you right now. I have just yin shed reading a book about angels and I have no doubt you will be reunited with beautiful Matilda Mae once again xxx

  9. God bless you all. I loved her sitting in the middle of the room whilst we all did the wheels on the bus totally convinced that we were doing it just to entertain her. Even more of those big, beautiful smiles. Keep writing Jennie, I hope it helps. We are all here with open arms whenever you need us. x

  10. So so beautiful. I just can’t imagine what you are going through and I honestly don’t know what to say but my thoughts have been with you and your family and I am sending you all the strength in the world xxx

  11. Dear jennie, I have not stopped thinking about you. You write so beautifully right from the heart and I hope this helps you. All I can do is send you love and strength. Exxx

  12. Dear Jennie,
    I haven’t been following your blog for long but I wanted to let you know that I am sending you all my love, thoughts and prayers. No words can explain how you must be feeling or do anything to lessen your agony, but those words you’ve written are so beautiful and will surely help you one day. I found a poem which I hope can do the same:

    “It’s hard to know just what to say,
    When one so young is taken away.
    Far too soon she had to part,
    Her memory forever engraved in our heart.

    We only knew her for a short while,
    But the life she led made us smile.
    She was so beautiful and oh so rare,
    Life as they say just isn’t fair.

    Those gone before her will watch her with care,
    Till the day comes when we’ll all join her there.

    Know Matilda Mae is watching from heaven above,
    And with each ray of sunshine, she’s sending her love”

    Lulu x

  13. such a beautiful poem ,sat here sobbing but the words are just so beautiful for such a precious little angel Matilda Mae. I send love and strength to you and your family xx
    Rest in peace Matilda Mae and fly high with the angels much love to you all xxx

  14. So very beautiful, but heart-breaking to read and I’m so sorry that you’ve found yourself in this moment having to write such a tragic poem. Matilda Mae has filled my thoughts since I read the devastatingly sad news, you are all in my prayers. Sending lots of love and wishing you the strength you need to get through each day xxx

  15. Pingback: Quiet times | Metropolitan Mum

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