My darling baby daughter
I hope you are happy today
I have been collating photos of your cheeky grins and breathtaking smiles
I want to share them as part of the celebration I am planning for you
I have probably spent too much time dwelling on you today
It may have to be less tomorrow
Esther and William are not doing so well
They need my attention too
Esther has refused to go in the bath since Monday
I think it may be because you are not there
She is struggling having lots of people around
Tonight she would not go to bed
I think as she processes all that has happened and all that she hears
She is frightened
They saw you at bed time and in the morning you were gone
It makes me frightened too
We let Esther and William stay up late
Aunty Clare came round to play
Then Esther fell asleep in Daddy’s arms
We put her in her cot where she is sleeping soundly now
William goes to bed just fine but his sleep is very disturbed
They are missing you and mourning you in their own very different ways
William is loving all the people coming to the house
He loves his aunts and uncles and thinks they are there just for him
He is such a funny boy
I hope that you do not mind when we laugh with him
They need our laughter too
William sat with me today and looked at photos of you
He likes to see your pretty face
He saved some cake for you when playing tea parties
He knows that you are in the sky
Way up high in the sky
He asked to see more pictures of Baby Tilda
We looked at so many and you were smiling in every one
Were you so happy all the time because you knew you would not be with us long?
Esther was playing with the baby monitor today
She put it to her ear
I asked her what she could hear
She said she could hear Baby Tilda
These were her exact words
I can hear Baby Tilda?
I can hear Baby Tilda up in the sky.
She’s in the sky.
We loved her.
We lost her.
She’s in the sky.
There’s an aeroplane up there.
She brought tears to the eyes of everyone in the room
We miss you Matilda Mae
After your funeral my darling
Which I am trying so hard to plan
We are going to have some bubbles
You and the twins love them so
We will all blow bubbles up to the sky for you
Esther and William will have coloured bubbles
You can watch out for them, I’ll tell you when
They will be kisses from your brother and sister
Coloured kisses full of love
We love you so much Matilda Mae
Smile down on us today x