Today has been the first truly sunny day since Matilda died.
A day in which we have enjoyed our garden.
Biking and scooting.
Freshly mown grass.
Water play.
Exploring our forgotten garden.
Remembering all the places Matilda Mae had been.
The apple tree she loved to lay beneath.
Feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin was wonderful.
But I also felt chills as I thought of the summer ahead without Matilda Mae.
And all that she would have been.
Toddling round the garden.
Eating the flowers.
The mud.
Joining in the water play.
Swinging on the swing.
Crawling round the lawn.
Cruising round the garden furniture.
She would have had such an amazing time.
We would have had such an amazing time.
Birthday parties in the garden.
Picnics and BBQs.
Ice creams and lollies.
Things Baby Tilda will never taste, do or see.
In everything we did today
I tried to imagine she was the there.
A sparkle in a water bead.
The wind in the trees.
The spinning of the windmill.
The songs of the birds.
The scent of the flowers.
The warmth from the sun.
I tried to imagine her there.
Our Baby Tilda Mae.
I so want it to be true.
That she is in everything we see
Everything we do
I search so desperately for signs that she is here
I hope and pray that a part of her is
The sunshine through my window
The rainbow after the rain
She will always be my guiding star
My Baby Tilda Mae
Jennie darling I believe and hope that she is in everything you do. I read a book once which promised that babies lost always remain with their mother in spirit and do not leave her side. I know you have this book tucked in a drawer and I hope one day you bring it out and dust if off. Your garden sounds beautiful, I hope you can have many happy days there with David and the twins, and cherish your memories of Tilda there. You have so so many wonderful pics. I don’t think I had seen most of these ones and they are all beautiful. As days and weeks go by you remain in my thoughts everyday xx
Oh Jennie, this is so beautiful! She will always be with you, in your heart and soul, in your reflection when you look in your eyes, in William and Esther’s laughter, in the soft wind blowing kisses on your cheek. She’ll always be guiding you.
This is a beautiful post, and such lovely photos of baby Tilda. Always look for the angel rays. I am sure she is always with you all. Thinking of you xx
What a beautiful post. I too believe she is everywhere. And how couldn’t she be, when she is so loved?
xxxxx
Jennie, I feel sure she is with you every second of every day and every little bit of magic you see will be her. As Susanne says, “How can she not be when she is so loved” and I agree. True love for anyone transcends the grave and exists forever in out hearts.
you write so beautifully, so moving and with so so much love for all three of your children
So beautifully moving. That video compilation was just lovely. So many beautiful photos and memories – so many more I’d not yet seen. I still love the photo of you both under the tree with the spots of sunlight on you. I really do believe that she is in everything you do. How can she not be? Everything that you do with the twins is so beautiful. Sending you love xx
My heart hurts for you watching this, the pain you must feel, i lost a daughter but in pregnancy, the pain was hard enough and i can’t imagine how it must be losing a daughter you got to spend so much precious time with, the pain must be far worse (((Hugs))) she is beautiful, your little shining star and she is watching over you for sure! xxx