Dear Matilda Mae
I wanted to try and write you a letter to let you know how we are getting along without you.
We all miss you very much.
We talk about you every day.
Every time we see anything pink or purple
We think of you
Every bubble is blown for you
Every star shines and glitters for you
Every place we go has an empty space for you
You are everywhere we are.
Esther and William are funny little things.
They find each other most amusing.
Esther has learned to pedal a bike.
William loves ride on tractors with trailers.
They are both still obsessed with Thomas.
William is more than a little in love with Emily.
He takes her everywhere!
It seems that Spring is finally coming.
Replacing the cold that has been with us since the day that you passed.
As we venture out into the garden.
I miss seeing you laying beneath your tree.
Now you have a lovely new tree.
A cherry with blossom as pretty as you.
It will sit in a garden we are creating in your memory.
A place to be together and be with you.
Daddy is keeping busy.
Making Esther and William’s new room.
Making a boat to take you away
On the final leg of your journey.
I am keeping busy too
Making friends in our village and across the country
Friends who are helping me to treasure your memory and keep your legacy alive
Friends who are supporting our family and making Esther and William smile
I am writing every day
It is what I do for a release
Daddy has his wood work and I have my words
Neither of us has you
So we have to busy our hands, hearts and minds somehow
We are empty without you.
The days are easier than the nights
It is easy to fill the time
But once Esther and William are sleeping
The emptiness envelopes us
The enormity of missing you
Fills us and every room
Our house is not such a home without you
Without our Baby Tilda Mae
Our family is not complete without you
Our beautiful Matilda Mae
This week we are getting ready to go on holiday.
Do you remember?
We booked it on Christmas Day.
A holiday for your birthday.
I had pictured you toddling around the farm
Getting to know the animals
Charming all the visitors to the farm
I could see you beaming in your buggy
Crawling on a sandy beach
Tentatively putting tootsies in the sea
I had imagined how the house would be decorated
The party tea we would all share
Now we will be on holiday without you
Marking your first birthday without you there
Nothing makes sense without you Matilda Mae
The world makes no sense without you
I love you little girl
I miss you every day
I dream about you every night
I will never ever let anyone forget your name
Your beautiful little face
I will never let anyone forget the little life of Matilda Mae
And through me you will live on
I am going to make you so proud Baby Tilda
With everything that I am
I love you and honour you
I adore you and cherish you
I will make sure your legacy goes on
And in that way we will be together
Until we are truly beside one another
Wrapped up in one another again
I love you Matilda Mae x