In Memory of Matilda Mae

How has it already been 5 months?

How has it only been 5 months?

So much has happened

So much has been achieved.

The pain is still so raw

The wounds still open

Knowing that life is never going to be the same again

That every single silver lining will always have a Matilda shaped cloud.

All I am doing is surviving

Day by day

Finding a way to move through the motions of grief

The pain, the anxiety, the guilt, the hurt

My heart aches with love for Matilda

My heart breaks with missing Matilda

Every day I talk about her to someone, somehow

Every day I make sure Esther and William know about their beautiful baby sister in the sky.

Every day I have to explain why I cannot climb a ladder and carry her back here

To the heart of us

Where she belongs.

We blow bubbles, collect stars

Surround ourselves with precious photos and videos and things

All in memory of Matilda Mae

Our Baby Tilda

Who came but could not stay.

How has it already been 5 months?

How has it only been 5 months?

So much has happened

So much has been achieved.

A memory garden has been created.

Many memory miles have been walked.

Stories and poems have been written.

Pictures and posters made.

We are busy planning a Barn Dance.

Play has become very very messy.

Sales of Tuff Spots have gone through the roof

The cement mixing tray is now a must have accessory for play!

People have come together in so many ways

To honour the life of one little girl

To preserve the memory of my beautiful blog baby.

Matilda Mae’s Precious Star Fund for Bliss currently stands at £4152.00.

Every penny will help premature babies and their families.

This is our link between Matilda and her siblings who were born far too soon and had a horrible start to life. Now they are strong and beautiful but have so much to be told when they are old enough. How they were conceived, how they came into the world, how their life began and how hard it was when they first came home. How they survived a tough first year, how their sister died during their second. Our family has been through so much these past few years and Bliss has seen us through. On the 24th July it is Esther and William’s birthday and there will be an extra present for each of them from Matilda Mae, and a deposit will be made, this year and every year into our precious star fund.

Matilda Mae also has a Just Giving Page. This currently stands at over £7000 but some of that is from the fabulous Tots 100 Auction.

The Mile in Memory Walks and other personal donations currently total £4948.50 which is just amazing!

And then there is the auction orchestrated so beautifully by Susan and Chelle and the Team at Tots.

The auction raised an awesome £4228.68!

The latest venture is an exciting one as 9 wonderful, crazy ladies jump out of a plane for Matilda Mae. One lady for each month of her life.

The team total is raising all the time but today it stands at an awe inspiring £4,361.50.

They would love to reach their target of £5000 before they jump on the 20th July. I will be posting more about the sky dive this month so please watch this space and support #MMskydive as much as you can. You can find their Just Giving page here.

Alongside the totals above there are other smaller donations floating around for both Bliss and The Lullaby Trust. Lots of people have organised smaller events, made business partnerships with the charities and there is always work ongoing in Matilda’s name to raise money and awareness for these charities that mean so much. That do so much for families like mine.

I am not sure what the actual total currently is but I do know that together in Tilda’s name we have done something so remarkable.

In 5 long, short months

We have raised over £17,690.68!!

That is over £3500 a month for each month Matilda Mae has been gone.

It is absolutely overwhelming.

It can never bring my baby back but I hope that it helps to save another family from having to be broken like mine.

I would not wish the hurt and pain and despair of the last 5 months on my worst enemy.

But something good has come out of this senseless tragedy.

Something so so good.

And I cannot thank people enough for standing beside me and making my baby’s life and death count.

For helping me make a start on a legacy that I hope will go on and on.

The Matilda Mae Legacy.

In memory of Matilda Mae.

There are so many people to thank and I promise that I will in the coming days and weeks but today is about the numbers, the stories and about reflection.

To ask you all, every single one of you who has helped or donated anything at all, to stand back and say,

‘Look what we have done. Just blooming well look what we have done! Look what love has done’

Thank you x

21 thoughts on “In Memory of Matilda Mae

  1. This brought a tear to my eye. So lovely to see so many people coming together to not only raise money but support you and your family. Sending lots of love xxx

  2. I have just scrolled through this post on my phone whilst sitting in an Asda cafe with my little one – I have now got tears pricking my eyes. What an amazing achievement Jennie x

  3. Oh sweetie. Still thinking about you guys all the time. Sending strength and love. What amazing achievements in the name of a beautiful little soul, Matilda Mae. xo

  4. Amazing amazing amazing. Look what Matilda’s legacy has achieved. It can never bring her back but I hope it can help you carry on. Sending love Jennie, I cannot believe your beautiful daughter has been gone 5 months xxx

  5. This is so wonderful it’s had me in tears. You are amazing, and the blogging world around you is that too. I’m not sure I can articulate how much of an inspiration you are. Xx

  6. Tears to my eyes, sending you all love on it being 5 months already.
    But wow what a legacy, well done for making such a big difference I am sure the money will help so many, you should be so proud xx

  7. It is quite amazing – a testament to your energy and to the beautiful Matilda Mae, who captured so many hearts. We will continue to support your fundraising in any way we can and for many years to come. I am sure MM is looking down on you and is so proud of you and David, and your beautiful twins – sticking together and helping each other through this. xx

  8. That is a fantastic amount to have raised. I think you are one amazing lady. Thinking of you, your family and of course
    your beautiful Matilda Mae. X

  9. Pingback: Good Times with Good Friends | 3 Kids and a Gluestick

  10. Such an amazing amount of money through so many creative and inspirational ideas. I know you wish with all your broken heart Jennie that you could just have Matilda Mae back and I hope you can feel all the love and support for you through every one of the 1,000 and more people who read this post. I know I wish there was something more I could do to ease your pain. Sleep tight Matilda Mae and sweet dreams x

  11. Amazing! That photo of you with Matilda Mae is beautiful. I still think of you both everyday and we offen blow bubbles for your gorgeous girl xxxxx

  12. Well done!
    What an amazing amount of money you have raised because of love and the loss of your beautiful daughter Tilda.

    I lost one of my darling twin sons, Paul 33 years ago. I am still fundraising, I am a pensioner now but managed to complete the London Marathon 2 years ago, and as a family we are able to call it FUN raising now. We will never forget Paul as he has made our lives so much richer. X

  13. I shed a tear everytime I think about you or read one of your posts. Its all so raw! But you keep expressing it. It has to help in a small way. The things you have been doing in Matilda Mae’s memory are amazing and, as other’s have said above, you have built her a legacy that won’t be forgotten! My thoughts are with you sweetheart. xxxx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>