Then The Bubbles Burst and Balloons Become Tear Drops

After the high of the party on Sunday
Came the inevitable crash
As the last guests left
And the house fell silent
David and I were just left to look at one another
And know
That we had done our children
And ourselves
Proud that day
But that it was going to come at a cost

As the bubbles burst and balloons became tear drops
We felt ourselves deflating too
And the tears came
And the anger
And the fear
As the party ended
The come down began
Back to the darkest depths of our grief
Back to missing our baby
Reliving every moment of the party
And picturing her there
Just as she should be
How cruel and wretched that she is not
Never will be
Never can be
Never a birthday
Never a party
Never a celebration
Or family gathering
Our little girl will never be here
The clocks have stopped for our little one
And as the world turns
Taking people away from her
We are left more lonely
With our heartache and despair
And for every moment we make magic for Esther and William
Our heart is wounded more deeply
Our grief is felt more bitterly
Our bodies are drained of energy
We are falling back into the grasp of our grief
As the bubbles burst and the balloons become tear drops

After something so good
The pain is bad
And there is nothing we can do
But face it and feel it
Take it and live it
There is nothing more to be done

As the bubbles burst and the balloons become tear drops
We just hold one another and cry
Waiting for the storm to pass
Waiting again to be comfortably numb
As the balloons become tear drops

As the bubbles all burst.

11 thoughts on “Then The Bubbles Burst and Balloons Become Tear Drops

  1. Oh Jennie :( I’ve just looked through the Gruffalo party pics and thought WOW! I never thought about how utterly heartbroken you and David would have felt afterwards. The photos in this writing say it all, deflated! I’m so sorry, I can only hope that baby Tilda was there in spirit, big eyes and gorgeous smile watching her big brother and sister. You and David are marvellous parents, lots of love xxx

  2. What a wonderful party you had for your beautiful twins but I know it was full of sadness and grief for a beautiful girl who wasn’t there. My heart goes out to you and I am thinking of you always. Hold on tight to each other and keep strong together x

  3. I know it is absolutely no consolation but I hope we can all make Tilda’s barn dance so special, it will of course be bittersweet but a proper party in her name. Please know that I never stop thinking of that beautiful girl or you x x x

  4. “And for every moment we make magic for Esther and William
    Our heart is wounded more deeply
    Our grief is felt more bitterly”

    ….And knowing this, knowing in advance this is how it will be, you still go ahead and make the magic, plan the party, make it beautiful for them. This is the definition of pure love. You are good, good people. I’m so sorry you’re hurting.


  5. You mustn’t feel guilt for making the most of your time with the twins, just as you mustn’t feel guilt for grieving. They are all your children and they all need different things from you. The aftermath of the party must be horrific. Well done for facing it as you have. Remember I am here if you need me. Such a powerful post


  6. I can’t even imagine the pain and anguish, of feeling the gaping hole whenever you do something special for Esther and William.
    Those balloons seem the perfect metaphor. I just wish I had some words to offer comfort. x

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