On the 14th March 2013 6 weeks after Baby Tilda died, I made a pledge.
Today we have been given Matilda’s cause of death. SIDS. The coronor has told us categorically that Matilda did not suffocate under her blankets. They examined and reexamined looking for signs of suffocation and there were none. There is no known reason why she died. But it was not our fault and there was nothing we could have done. She died of the cruel unknown that is Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and I pledge right now that I am going to do all I can to to raise money to fund research to find out why this things takes so many precious young lives including our beautiful daughter.
I promised that I would fight SIDS and help to raise awareness and funds for The Lullaby Trust. I promised to do all of this in Baby Tilda’s name.
6 months on and we have been working hard.
With the support of friends and family and strangers from around the world we have now raised over £23000 for The Lullaby Trust and Bliss and by using Matilda’s name and face we have raised awareness that Sudden Infant Death is a terrible thing that can kill older babies and toddlers as well as the very small.
I hope that by sharing our story people will become more aware of how baby loss can affect a family and give people an idea of what can be done to help.
On Wednesday I will take the next step in building Tilda’s legacy.
I have been asked to appear on BBC Radio 4 Woman’s Hour.
I have been asked to talk about campaign blogging.
Talk about why I have shared my story and what good I think it has done.
Talk about who reads my blog and why?
Does my blog help people and if so how and why?
Writing Tilda’s story and sharing how I grieve is part of healing for me.
But what does my blog mean to you?
I would really appreciate it if you could please leave a comment below telling me what this blog means to you, if Matilda Mae’s story has helped you in any way, if Tilda has changed anything you do?
Thank you x
I read your blog because I have been so touched by your bravery and courage and I think you are a very inspiring lady.
Good luck with the show. I think it’s inspiring to see you, blogging through such a difficult time for you and your family. It’s comforting to so many people who have lost a child to SIDs and it’s amazing how much work you are doing to raise money and awarness for such an awful occurance. That’s an incredible amount of money you have raised! Well done.
Reading your blog makes me value the opportunities I have with our boys – to kiss them, cuddle them, snuggle on the sofa, and find new ways to tell them that I love them. I was reading a book about raising boys, and reading your blogs, and decided that for one of them, when we wink at each other, it’s our way of saying “I love you”. And for the other, when I wrinkle my nose, it’s our way of saying “I love you”. Appreciate it’s not much to other people, but your blog has inspired me to value the opportunities I have to be with my children. Much love, as ever. Me x
Wishing you all the luck & strength for the show this week. Your blog inspires me, your strength as a family getting through something as terrible as losing a child to SIDS. You’re amazing for being so dedicated to raising funds and what a wonderful amount has been raised so far. I cry every time I read one of your posts, or see a photo of Baby Tilda. And every time I blow bubbles in my home I always without fail…think of her. x
Jennie, I don’t know you but I have been part of your grief from the moment you posted the status on Facebook about the loss of Matilda Mae. The world is a strange place where when people can’t handle the emotions of others they shun them. For me, your open, honest grief is the greatest gift against the cruel judgement of the emotionally un-evolved that many of us have encountered during the hardest of days. You are an inspiration to me. You have raised awareness and will continue to do so – I have no doubt that you are changing the world a day at a time but not withstanding this I, too, cannot fathom why and how this happened – and I am with you every day of your grief when you silently scream it is not fair because it isn’t fair. Big love. xxx
Sending you all good wishes for the show.
I guess for me and this may sound odd I am impressed by your courage as a woman and a family too.
It is inspiring how someone can be in such pain and yet want to help others.
Sometimes when you write, I connect on the grief side of things although I have never lost a child. Take good care of you and all the best for continued success in all you do.
I’m not sure what to say except that I have found your posts so very touching, I have shed many tears for Matilda and the cruelness of SIDS which took her away, you are doing such a great job in her memory and I am sure she would be so proud of you.
Daniel xx
I read your blog because it is honest and beautifully written. I love how child-centred your lives are and how you have given the twins such wonderful opportunities for play, learning and adventures in the midst of such a terrible time for you. I really admire you for the strength you have shown in doing that. Tilda’s legacy for me is a reminder that every moment with our children is precious. Because of her I will say yes more instead of “in a minute.” I will make time to play with my children and listen to them every day, because nothing is more important than that.
You help me to appreciate the life of my child in every moment. That life is too precious to waste worrying about things that don’t matter. That love is all and when I look up at the stars, I sometimes think of us all, as stardust. I will listen out for you on the radio. Just speak from your heart and all will be well. x
I would say your blog has had a huge influence on my life, my 3rd child is 2 months older than baby Tilda, I used to feel hard done by having a baby that refused to sleep longer than an hour unless attached to me feeding, the day I started following your story everything changed for me, I no longer care that he still feeds 4 times a night at 18 months old, i invested in a sensor monitor but dont stress if he wants to sleep with me, i now greet him with a big smile whatever ridiculous time it may be when he wakes rather than moaning how tired i am, what a difference Matilda’s story has made to my whole relationship with my son, I realise I’m the luckiest person in the world to have 3 healthy children and I cannot begin to imagine your pain and find it impossible to understand how something so perfect and so loved could be taken from you so prematurely. The work you are doing is amazing, please keep it up we are all behind you xxx
Jennie – we have never spoken but I read your blog all the time. A friend told me about it after you lost baby Tilda. My daughter is two weeks older than Tilda and your post has made me appreciate how lucky I am to have her and enjoy every minute of our time together.
I have shed many tears after reading your blog, and I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you are going through. Your writing is beautiful and you’re one of the most in inspiring people I have ever ‘known’. I also enjoy hearing about your twins. I have a niece and nephew who are twins and the same age.
Xx
With a daughter of a similar age to Matilda Mae I’d read your blog sharing experiences and milestones and when I read how and when she’d been taken from you all it broke my heart, it bought home to me how frightening and unpredictable SIDS is. I’ve read your posts, your honesty and bravery in sharing your grief and your determination at raising awareness and supporting charity’s hard efforts in their research into why this happens is inspirational. I volunteer some time to fundraise in aid of Saying Goodbye part of the Mariposa Trust, Matilda Mae without a doubt urged me to want to do something to help support families that have had to experience losing a child. You should feel proud of what you’ve achieved and how Matilda Mae’s legacy will help so many families. xXx
I read your blog as a way to connect with an old friend. I hope that in some way my reading helps to support you at your toughest times or my comments make you smile when you need a pick me up. Your blog has definitely made me a better mother. I cherish what I have more than ever. I love the good times more and I feel I deal with the tough times better remembering how lucky I am. Good luck with women’s hour. You will be great, shine like the star you are and the star you represent x x x x
Hi Jennie, I look forward to receiving news of your new posts. I think about Matilda when I see my youngest daughter do a huge smile like Tilda does in your photos. I play bibles with my girls more than I ever did before. I take my daughter into our bed in the night and cuddle her tight. I think you are amazing to find the time and energy to blog. Tilda would be so proud x
Bubbles not bibles
I’ve read your blog from the beginning of tilda’s pregnancy, and will continue to do so. Your an inspiring lady and I will continue to read grabbing messy play ideas will continue to help keep baby tilda’s legacy alive. X
Dear Jennie, a friend shared your blog with me shortly after Tilda’s death. I spent a whole evening, mostly in tears, reading through all of your blogs. I read them still firstly because I love the way you write, secondly I learn things from you, and for many other reasons too. My children are slightly older but we came on the walk (Mile for Matilda) earlier this year and we talked about Matilda and how we were there to show our love and support to you and your family even though we have never met you all. Your blog reminds me to take time with my children and love them as much as I can. Thank you.
I started following your blog when my daughter was born 28+0 at 1lb 15oz, and I was desperate to see how other babies that size were faring later down the line. However when my daughter was diagnosed with a terminal condition that meant she wouldn’t see her first birthday you became my inspiration that no matter how horrific things might be, you could continue to put one foot in front of another. You encouraged me to live in the moment and make the most of every day with her, because you never know what is around the corner. When at 16 months old we were told our DD had been misdiagnosed it was the happiest I can imagine being, but the mentality to enjoy every minute hasn’t left me. Like you I am trying to make something positive come from our experience, your blog has helped more people in more ways than you could ever know x
Hi Jennie, I read your blog (to begin with) because as a mother I had my heart torn in shreds by your story. But I continue to read it now because in the weeks and months since baby Tilda died you have written so honestly, truthfully and beautifully, and your amazing fundraising achievements make for such compelling reading. I read it because I have been overwhelmed by the support and compassion of our fabulous blogging community. But mostly I read it because you are my friend and I want to see that – although never, ever healed – you will be OK xxx
I read your blog originally because your writing was beautiful and down to earth and full of fun and ideas. I read your blog now because you’re a friend going through something that no parent should ever have to go through. You write from the heart with complete openness and honesty and although most of your posts are hard for me to read I can’t ignore the pain you are going through and I know that so many people who are going through this will be helped. It’s opened my eyes to a lot of things. It’s given me some insight into how it must feel to lose a child at any age. SIDS was always something I was aware of but it didn’t happen to anyone I knew – all that changed 2nd Feb. I can’t ignore your posts, I can never read one and run as I know you’re a friend in so much pain. This is a hard journey for you and I want to be there to hold your hand.
Your blog has made me take a break from my freelance work so I can spend more time with the kids. It’s made me not get anxious when they won’t go to sleep or they are being difficult. It’s made me appreciate how lucky I am. It’s made me reach out to a friend in need. It’s made me do public speaking twice to be there to talk about Tilda’s legacy both at her funeral and BritMums. It’s made me help raise money and awareness through my own blog. It’s also brought people together and made me find special friends.
Your blog, just like you and Tilda, is and always be very special xx
Sorry! That was quite rambling 🙁
I have thought of you so much in the last few weeks as Sam turned 9 months today-I still can’t even begin to imagine the pain and heart ache your family go through every day.
Good luck with the interview, I read your blog because it is honest and heartfelt, you have so many great ideas to do with the children, you raise so much awareness for a cause that really needs awareness, the things you have achieved in the past few months have been incredible in keeping Tilda’s legacy from staying strong especially considering the tremendous amount of grief you are going through.
I continue to comment in the hope that some of my words help keep you going in some way or another (if that makes sense)! All the best for the interview xx
I like to think that I’ve been with you since the beginning, really before you were a “blogger” when you were a mum to premmie twins, scared, trying to make sense of what had happened, and what the future might hold.
I’ve followed your blog ever since, as you have followed mine.
I admit to a weeny pang of jealousy as you fell pregnant and had Matilda Mae, never for a moment expecting that the worst possible thing that could ever happen to a parent would befall you.
I have been amazed by your strength and courage, and have been proud to have been able to hug you and call you friend.
You are amazing Jennie.
Oh my goodness I don’t know where to start! I’m not sure I can put into words what you have done for me. Because of you, Jennie, and because of Matilda, I appreciate what I have and what I can achieve so much more. You have shown me that there is nothing on this earth more important than those who care about you. I value my friends so much more now. I spend more time with my children. I do not take things for granted.
There is not a day that goes past where I don’t think of you and Matilda, and there is not a day that I do not wish things could be different. I am deeply sorry that we were not really friends before Matilda died and that I never got to meet her. But I am so so thankful that she brought you to me. I am so thankful that I have been able to work with you, and to help you build her legacy. Because of Matilda, I have changed my whole working life around so that I am here with my children. I jumped from a plane, I have met many wonderful people and I have made a beautiful, wonderful friend for life. Because of Matilda, I am spending QUALITY time with my children; I know how precious and how precarious life is and I know that it can all be taken away in a moment. From the moment I heard the awful news, I knew that I needed to do something, to help in some way. I am not the same person as I was that morning, when I awoke oblivious to the nightmare you were in. And I promise I will stand beside you for as long as you want me to.
xxxxxxxx
The name of your blog says it all. You seek and succeed to educate and inspire. You do this everyday with your utter strength, love and bravery.
I have been an avid follower of your blog since Beebies started. Baby Tilda was one of the first to test a Beebies product. I have giggled at your funny anecdotes and adventures with all three of your children. I have sobbed as you have opened up about your heartbreak at the loss of Matilda Mae. I have admired your strength, courage, talent and ability.
Without perhaps knowing it, you have educated me in a way no other could. You have inspired women in their thousands. You are an amazing lady, an amazing mum.
xxx
I lost a child through SIDS and found out about your blog when it was flagged by the Lullaby Trust. I love how you have shared your experience – which is the experience of many SIDS mothers – so widely, though of course it is heartbreaking to read very single word of it. What you have done in fundraising and raising awareness is phenomenal. You are amazing.
Hi Jennie,
I have been reading your blog regularly for a while, but haven’t posted until now. There’s not much I can say because there is too much to say. To put it simply, you help me be a better mother to my 1 year old son. And your writing inspires and touches me.
Good luck for Wednesday.
xx
Not sure what to say really but you are doing an amazing job of raising awareness, despite dealing with such heartache. This horrific thing SIDS needs to be stopped. I never knew anything about older babies being at risk and I think that’s something that needs a lot more information out there for people – advertising etc. Aside from all that and on a personal level you write so beautifully. You have really made me think about my grandma who lost two babies and how I never really knew how much it must have taken for her to just exist everyday. I am so glad you and that gorgeous baby are getting the recognition you deserve xxx
You simply inspire me to appreciate all I have and be a better mother every day.
I hope the show on Wednesday goes well.
Jx
Dear Jennie – like so many others I have never met you and only started reading your blog after a friend told me about Tilda’s death. Your writing is raw, honest and beautiful but reading your blog has affected me profoundly both emotionally and practically in terms of how i live my everyday life. I have two small children and I work but before I started reading your blog I think my priorities were,perhaps, a bit out of kilter. Reading about Tilda made me realise that my children are a gift and that I need to be grateful and enjoy every minute that I can with them. Inspired by you, Tilda, William, Esther we also tried new things. We have done messy play regularly and the children love it. With the help of the tuff spot I got over my fear of mess inside the house. I also did my first tweets, blogged for the first time and connected with people through facebook and twitter – all inspired by you. I think you are amazing. This tiny comment doesn’t really come close to expressing my admiration and respect for you of my gratitude for your writing. I hope this hasn’t come too late and tomorrow goes well – I will be listening! With love Kirsty x
My Mother lost a child; a daughter born just a few years before me. Reading about your journey through heart-breaking grief gives me a better understanding of what my Mom went through and carried with her for the rest of her life. When she knew that it was just a matter of time for her, she confided in me that she couldn’t wait to hold her precious baby again. It was the first time she had ever talked with me at length about her or ever told me the baby’s name. Though your words break my heart, I have such an admiration for the strength and courage she had and you have to carry on. I believe that you will find your way through life the way she did. I don’t know you but the way you write of Matilda Mae, William, Esther, and the love you have for the three of them makes me think that you’re a wonderful Mom and that you’ll find your way. I wish you blessings.
I not discovered your blog today, so have no real place commenting here in many ways. However, I wanted to say how deeply your story has touched me and how moving I find your posts. I have spent the whole evening looking back and reading. My heart breaks for you. But I also want to thank you. I have been struggling with postnatal depression for several months now and your blog has reminded me of the importance of holding fast to your happy memories, of capturing the precious moments, of treasuring the time that we have. I have been reminded that, even though I am finding it hard right now, my children are changing daily and I don’t want to forget these moments. I want to remember all of it, the good and the bad. Thank you for your beautiful writing and good luck on Wednesday.
“I only discovered” – sorry, typing fail.
I think you have been so honest in your grief and it has touched me deeply. Over the past few years i lost both my parents and my unborn third child. I have so much greif inside me, I read your words and I cry it out at last for you, for me and for both our babies and families. I think you are a special…good luck on the show.
I’d corresponded with you before Tilda died and I was so moved to see both your blog and your tweets in the following days, writing with such raw intensity and immediately reaching out to help others. I read that you were using your blog as a therapy and I admire you for that -I wish I could be so honest -ghostwritermummy has advised me to write from the heart so I’ll be following your lead. I love to hear about the fundraising and awareness raising events and I hope to help wherever I can. It’s been good to get to know you and this blog has meant a lot through a tricky time in our lives -living away and upheaval beyond our imaginations. I lost a baby through an early miscarriage before our children were born and there a days when I dwell on this and the scary NICU/SCBU starts that both our daughters had to their lives. And I remember your request to sing a lullaby to them, to be present for them. I want to join in messyplay more. You inspire through education -your blog is so well named. We send bubbles, we talk about Tilda and the twins and I send little messages because we care. You’re talented at getting people to care and to take action – that power of writing /campaigning can be such a force for good. I wish Tilda were here to see how proud we all are of you. She was so loved and she knew that. You are creating wonderful memories for your family through your writing and remembering. She will never be forgotten. X
hi im only 17 year old girl i have been following your blog since 2010 i was in shock when i read that matilda mae had died i think you do an amazing job looking after esther and william and trying to keep life normal im a twin identical i was 2.1.5 months prem and i really admire you im always reading your blog good luck with the challenges
Hi Jennie
I read your blog as your writing is so compelling, beautiful and honest. As a mother with children of very similar ages to yours, I love the inspirational ideas and suggestions. Tilda’s story has changed me in many ways – with a baby daughter a couple of months younger than her, I am so aware of how lucky I am to have her.
After reading your blog, I made some practical changes to her sleeping arrangements following Lullaby Trust advice – and enjoy every moment with her, even when she’s up in the middle of the night. You have reminded me to make the most of every second with my children – and be more patient and understanding with then. As many people have already said in the comments, you’ve made me a better mother.
Best of luck for the interview!
I really love reading your blog, sometimes I cry, sometimes I laugh. I think you are amazing, strong and you are a wonderful mother to your beautiful twins and baby Tilda is always, ALWAYS with you.
You are so honest. I often think of you and your family and of course, little baby Tilda.
You are an inspiration!
I hope the radio show goes well! x x
Your blog is beautiful and touching, but most of all we know and love you and it is your personality, and Matilda Mae’s, that shines from within it. I am proud to be with you on the show tomorrow. I just wish I could physically be next to you in the same studio to hold your hand. Deep breaths, be stong and you will achieve great things.
This blog meant the natural end to my horror of hearing or thinking about babyloss in any way shape or form. It means staring something in the face I always shied away from, scared to acknowledge and daring to face it as part of the World, to try to understand what little part I could, through you. It means a new passion, a new charity close to my heart (the first REALLY close to my heart if I am honest.) I am better equipped to be a friend, to give support to someone who’s suffered a bereavement of the worst kind, and therefore part of a new friendlier, kinder world. It means my GROWTH spiritually. And a friend made.
I’m not going to lie, your blog makes me cry and often makes me feel horribly uncomfortable. I want to think of something I can say to make you feel better, but I know that there’s nothing anyone can ever say and I hate to just do that stupid “aw hunny hugs” nonsense.
I continue to read because you are so very un-British in showing your grief, in refusing to have the stiff upper lip, in not saying “well, it’s been a while now I should be over it, I’ll shut up” like people often expect when someone has suffered a loss.
You are raising much-needed support for an amazing charity, but I think it’s fair to say you’re probably speaking for everyone who has ever lost someone who was a massive part of their lives, who are still missing them every single day, long after the funeral and the cards and the sympathy have stopped and the wider world has forgotten the loss that still looms so large in the life that is still missing a large chunk.
I will be listening (and probably bawling) tomorrow.
Your blog, Jennie, has changed me for the better. It has made me realise that life is precious and those little souls we are trying to raise as best we can, are what is the most important in the world. It has made me realise that these precious souls can be taken from us without warning and without a goodbye. You are a wonderful mother who has lost part of her heart and soul and we sit at home reading your blog and realising that we could have been you. You write so honestly, so beautifully that only a mother who has lost her baby can. I think of you often especially when I wake first thing in the morning and feel tired and can’t get out of bed. I think about how you get up every morning with a broken heart and face the day so I shake myself off and I jump out of bed. You are a creative, inspirational, kind and loving mummy who has lost a part of yourself but through this pain has found a reason to raise money for an amazing cause. I wish you well tomorrow. I will be thinking of you. I hope you feel your little angel near, watching her mummy and feeling so proud of you. I know we all are x
Hey Jennie,
Its Lou here from Jumping Beans. Had to just write to tell you how amazed I am at your strength and bravery in going on Womans Hour tomorrow. As everyone has already said you will be totally amazing and we will all be supporting you and hoping that it goes exactly as you want it to.
In answer to your question of “What your blog has meant to me”, well first and foremost your honesty and awe inspiring writing has helped me appreciate what I have EVERY single day. Having miscarried my first two pregnancies I have never taken for granted how lucky I am to have my two girls but like many of us, I have been known to get uptight and overreact to the trivial things that life sends us on a daily basis.
Since Tilda’s death, I have changed. I’ve learnt that time is precious, none of us know how long we have together and each day I hug and kiss my girls and my husband as if its my last. I take heaps of photos and record the girls precious milestones more than ever. Messy Play is no longer a ‘dirty’ word in my house……I am proud to say that every now and again my tidy world is turned into a big mess using our Tuff Spot….Tilda’s Tuff Spot. I spend so much more time thinking about how I can be a better Mum, it is your writing, your blog, your love for your three gorgeous babies that has helped me become a better parent and for that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Good luck for tomorrow
Lou
P.S. I also read your blog to see how you are. Although I had the privilege to see you and your beautiful family at Jumping Beans for about five months we didn’t really get many opportunities to speak or get to know each other. For that, I am sorry but I am truly grateful that I met Matilda and as I have said to you before, I will remember that special day with our baby girls and the feathers forever.
P.P.S. On another note, I want to thank you for your earliest blog writing too. Two weeks ago, my Sister-In-Law gave birth to her IVF baby boy at 27 weeks gestation. The information you wrote following your experience with Esther and William has really helped me to gain a better understanding of what she and her husband are currently going through. In turn, this has allowed me to help my husband (her brother) to understand. Unfortunately hes having a very tough time of it at the moment and mostly there is nothing I can do to help. I’m very grateful that through your gift of writing, I could ease his mind a little. x
I heard you on Radio 4 – you are doing amazing things in your beautiful daughter’s name. God bless you and your family.
I started reading your blog last April, when Boo was born at 29 weeks. I read your blog, like I read Kylie’s, for hope, inspiration and strength and it gave me all three. I was also so entranced by your beautiful, term, healthy little girl Matilda Mae, not too dissimilar in age from my Boo, but who could do things he may never be able to because of his disabilities. And then she passed away and your strength and courage taught me that I barely knew the meaning of those terms.
Your blog may have changed, Jennie, like you said on Woman’s Hour this morning, but you still educate and inspire today. Thank you.
Hopping over from #BlogLoveDay
Wow just found you. You are an Inspiration – Massive virtual hugs for all you have been through. xxxxxx
I write on behalf of the company, Brush-Baby who specialise in infant dental-care. Social networking and, indeed ‘Mummy Bloggers’ are an important part of our business and we have enjoyed many reviewing relationships with mummies (daddies!) in this environment, not just from a business perspective but a personal one too. We research the stories behind the bloggers and via posts and photographs and are pleased that in some small way Brush-Baby is part of their ‘growing up’.
As a reviewer of ours we were extremely saddened to hear of the passing of Matilda Mae and are filled with admiration as to how you and your little family unit have not only coped with the difficulty of the situation but in turn have opened your lives and hearts to the scrutiny of others. A brave and certainly not fearless act which has alleviated the suffering of other families in similar positions, educated all of us and made us appreciate the sanctity of life. We‘re glad that we joined you on your journey, and wish you all the best for the road ahead.
It’s hard to describe how much one woman who you’ve never met compelled you through her words to jump out a plane but that’s what I did. You know I hold you all close in my heart. I didn’t get to listen today but planning to tonight when I get home from work. I hope it wasn’t too stressful! Xxxx
I heard you on the radio this morning and was really inspired, when I got home I went straight to read your blog and also check the Lullaby Trust website. I am sure your presence on the radio will mean lots more donations for the Trust. I am a mother of two boys and I cried so much reading your September message. You are truly amazing to get up every morning. You are an inspiration for all mothers, definitely makes me appreciate how lucky I am to have two healthy children. Sending you lots of love.
I too find you & your blog absolutely inspiring and I think you should be Tesco’s Mum of the Year, but that’s by the by. Having listened to your bit on the womans hour programme today was just so moving. You’re absolutely amazing! An inspiration to us all!
I read your blog because I met you and the twins at a local baby group when MM was a bump. I read your blog because you think of all the fun things I just don’t have the creativity to think up when playing with my little one. I read your blog because my whh nicu adventure started about 6 months after yours ended and the names and routines in your posts bring back bittersweet memories. And then I read your blog because in less than a year you became the second mummy I personally knew who lost a baby over 6 months old to SIDS and I learnt to stop sweating the small stuff and live in the here and now xxx
Hi Jennie, I’m glad I heard you on Woman’s Hour. I didn’t catch the whole interview, but it was enough to make me want to read your blog. Thank you for writing so openly about your grief and how you are keeping going in such a powerful and positive way. My mother lost two sons – one at 15 months, two years before I was born, and more recently, my other brother died at 53 from cancer. In between she has found some peace with other children and grandchildren, but reading about you and Matilda Mae helps me to understand something of the grief she is feeling all over again. For myself, as a mother of twins, born at 26 weeks (happily they are now almost 2 and doing well), I can’t begin to imagine the unbelievable trauma of losing a healthy baby after the nightmare of nursing two premmies through their early start in life. I’ve been finding it hard to let go of the paralysing fear of loss that dogged us every day for almost 5 months in and out of hospital. But reading your blog is helping to give me perspective and the ability to enjoy my boys despite the challenges they still face and maybe to resume writing my own blog again. Sending you positive wishes and strength to carry you forward. And thank you for supporting Bliss – a great charity; we did a buggy push last year.