Tonight a storm is brewing

The winds are howling

The rain is beating the ground

Tonight a storm is brewing

As the week begins in which Tilda will have been dead for 9 whole months

The exact number of months she was with us, she was alive

This time next week Tilda will have been dead for longer than she was alive

And I am finding that really really difficult to believe

Really really hard to accept

And incredibly hard to think, talk or write about.

Our beautiful daughter Matilda Mae

Has been dead and gone too long.

Tonight though she will be all around us

In the wind and the rain and the storm

She is reminding us of the day that is to come

She is making sure that we never ever forget.

I also think she is reminding me

That the seasons are a changing

And her beautiful little garden

Needs and deserves some love and attention

So that is what this post is about

My plans for Tilda’s garden as we approach 2014.

This is where the planning for Tilda’s garden began

Just a few days after her funeral

From an initial idea I had

Just a few days after she died

From the plans and ideas came the special gardening day

When friends and family came and spent a lovely day digging and planting

It was a wonderful day all in loving memory

Of our Matilda Mae

And then throughout the summer the garden developed and bloomed

Through the spring and summer and even into autumn

The garden has been a sea of purple and pink

Throughout the winter

It will be a place of green leaves, berries, reindeer and starry lights

And then the spring will come again

And I want to spend more time in the garden

More time with Matilda Mae

I want to extend her memory

And wrap it around our house

I want to create a garden of learning and of play

A place where we all can be together

Among the flowers and beneath the starry sky

This is my vision for what comes next

For Baby Tilda and me.

After the storm passes I am going to clear the raised beds of all the plants that will not flower again

I am going to weed the beds and turn the soil

I am then going to think about what will be in them ready for next year

I want to try Camas with starry blue flowers

The umbrella plant with pretty pink flowers

American Cowslip or Shooting Stars!

Barrenwort has pink, heart shaped flowers, bursting with love for Matilda Mae

I love these purple and pink Spring Peas too.

There is also the pumpkin patch to weed and turn

Next year that is going to be a wild flower meadow!

We want to attract butterflies and bees to the garden.

This year we grew butterflies from caterpillars and set them free

Among Tilda’s flowers

We will definitely do this again next year.

Just outside the fence of Tilda’s garden is our old horrible drive

This is going to be brick paved and widened to make it a great place for safe biking and scooting practice.

I also want to make a small boat garden here and in the boat garden I would like to grow edible flowers.

And here I would also like to have a herb garden in wellies on the wall.

I am bursting this year with ideas.

I think my garden is going to be what gets me through the next few months as we mark one year without Matilda Mae.

But the garden is not all about Matilda and me.

It is for Esther and William too.

And what they need more than anything is a space where they can play.

In 2014 we are going to wrap Tilda’s garden around the side of our house

This will give us enough space to make a real sensory, play experience

For Esther and William to enjoy

A place where they can feel close to and remember their Baby Tiger.

This space is going to be theirs

A place to do what children do when out and about in the garden

It will include

Replacing their current playhouse for one that is big enough for the two of them to share as they grow

A raised sensory garden on one side of the house

A water play garden on the other side of their playhouse

A longed for mud kitchen

A colourful fenced in growing garden for fruits and vegetables

A play garden for outdoor messy, muddy play

And an insect hotel that I would like us to build ourselves

One thing Esther and William adore is playing with water.

They also love sand. The sandbox and water table we have will be a bit small for them come next summer so I have my eye on one of these for their garden. It can be used for water and sand, or messy play and then can be covered and used as an outdoor art station or picnic table. I think they would absolutely love it. And so would I!

Our garden is a special place. It is where magical memories are held and treasured and where new memories are made. It is place for fun and laughter and learning. It is a place to be together. It is a place where our family can grow.

It is where we remember our beautiful baby girl.

This blog post is an entry into the Tots100/Activity Toys Direct garden makeover competition.

For more of our ideas for Baby Tilda’s garden please check out our Pinterest board.