Matilda Mae: 10 Months Gone

Today marks 10 months since Matilda Mae was ripped from our lives

10 months

She did not see 10 months on Earth

I find it really hard to think about that

Without tears and rage

At the injustice that such a beautiful, healthy baby

Can just fall asleep and never wake up

I am never going to get over that

I will not let the world forget that

That it is still happening

Too often

To babies young and old

We must not stop searching for an answer

To why healthy babies fall asleep and die

We must never stop fighting SIDS

I made a pledge to Matilda Mae

To support the work of the The Lullaby Trust

And to make sure that everyone knew her name

I promised to speak her name every day

And I do

We all do

Over and over again

Today we arrived home from a very special break away

And the first place we all wanted to spend some time?

Baby Tilda’s garden

We stayed and played until the sun went down

And Baby Tilda showed us

She knew that we were there

I am really looking forward to creating our very own wonderland

For Baby Tilda this winter

Until the blossom comes on her cherry tree

Until the snowdrops and the daffodils

There will be light

In Baby Tilda’s play place

Today we added a Christmas windmill

And Daddy put up Baby Tilda’s star

The one she so enjoyed helping to make last Christmas

The one we all assumed she would live to see for years to come

For so many Christmases to come

A tradition we thought she might pass on to her own children

The photo that would have taken pride of place on her wedding day

Our Baby Tilda, our shining star

After the star was lit

And the sun had gone down

We came inside for tea

And who should be waiting for us?

Not the Elf from Elveden as I had originally planned

But Twinkle Star

And her friend Elf

Who we have named as Sparkle

Sparkle and Twinkle are the best of friends

They love to fly together through the night sky

One to Father Christmas and one to Matilda Mae

Both love to be hugged and played with

Both love to be told stories and to play with toys

Both want to be with us until the dawn of Christmas Day

They brought with them a present

A beautiful version of a rhyme we love

That we cannot hear or sing

Without thinking of our baby in the sky

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

We will sing it everyday

And think of our Baby Tilda

Our Baby up in Heaven

In this season of peace and goodwill

We will miss our baby more than ever

Please spare us a thought or prayer if you can

This is going to be a longer, colder winter than most

We love and miss you Matilda Mae x

17 thoughts on “Matilda Mae: 10 Months Gone

  1. The star on the house is wonderful ! I’ve send you something small for Tilda for the family, perhaps for on the window sill near Tilda’s garden. Lot’s of virtual hugs during the cold winter days!

  2. So lovely! Every post breaks my heart, Jennie! You will create the most magical Christmas for all your three children, she will be watching you from Heaven xx

  3. Such a touching post and with every post of yours I read, a lump grows in my throat and I find myself crying. The star on your home is so beautiful, the photos of Baby Tilda helping to make it are so precious. I am thinking of you all, as I do everyday x

  4. Jennie, I did not know your story until I looked on Tots 100. It will be 3 years on Monday 9th December that our baby boy Luke was born sleeping at 20 weeks into the pregnancy. We never knew why as to look at he was so perfect but he was obviously to sick to fight. The pictures of your family and the garden you have created to honour your beautiful girl are an inspiration. Lets hope that one day that the causes of these devastating events can be found so that there are fewer baby angels xxxx

  5. Jennie, I came across your blog through Lisa Cleggs twitter page. Your words, writing, blog & work for your daughter are amazing. I’m sure she watches over you all & is giving you strength to carry on. You are an amazing woman & mother. I hug, kiss, squeeze & cuddle my 3 month old a little longer, harder & a little tighter every day after reading your blog, not to mention my “big girl” who’s 6, & for that I thank you. x

  6. My little girl woke up poorly the other night and wanted me to climb into bed with her and sing to her, asking for ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’. I sang it with her arms wrapped round me and tears rolling down my face in the dark, still so very mindful of your precious baby girl. I just wanted you to know that Matilda Mae touched many, many lives and I don’t think any of us will ever forget. xxxxx

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