It is not like a birthday
Or a wedding anniversary
It is marking one year
One year without Matilda Mae
One year without our Baby Girl
One year since the night that she died
How do you mark an anniversary like that?
How do you mark the passing of something so sad?
It has been one year
We are not ready yet to be thankful for the time we had
It is too soon for thanks
We are still too sore, too hurt, too angry
It is not time yet for thanks
It is time for remembrance and honour and respect
It is time to come together
Stand together
And remember a little girl taken far too soon
There was only one place to be
The sea
Together we went to the sea
We gathered together
Without words
Without fuss
We came together
And we stood together
For our daughter Matilda Mae
We gathered at our beach
Hythe
Where we go for ordinary days
And special days
It has always been our beach
Baby Tilda had been there many times
In her 9 months here on Earth
Esther and William love the rocks
Playing in what they call the caves
This day was a gentle day
A slow day
No hurry, no place to be
But by the sea
With Tilda close by
Our plan had been for giant bubbles
Beside the stormy sea
The winds so strong
Whipped the bubbles out to sea
Grabbing our love and kisses
And rushing them over the waves
To the sky
To our angel Matilda Mae
I think she knew we were coming
Our beautiful star of the sea
And with the help of the ravishing storms
Had left jewels for us to see
All along the beach
Were strewn beautiful stars of the sea
Starfish
Like kisses from Tilda
Littered along the shingle
They had to be a sign
In all our visits to Hythe over the years
Never before had we seen stars along the beach
But on this day
On this Baby Tilda day
There they were
We played on the beach for ages
Searching and finding pebbles and shells
Looking for treasures gifted from the sea
We took out our chalks
And wrote her name
Matilda
Baby Tilda
Matilda Mae
We wrote it everywhere for her to see
On the rocks
The driftwood
We wrote her name
We shouted it to the wind
On this special anniversary day
As our tummies rumbled for lunch
We moved inland to the military canal
Granny and Aunty Carolyn went to buy everyone chips!
We had chosen chips for this anniversary lunch
Because of something that Tilda did on her very last day
She stole a chip at her final lunch
From Esther and William’s lunch
And with great delight she sucked that one chip
Enjoying the taste and the salt
So proud she was
Her personality shining through
Showing exactly the cheeky toddler she was going to be
The cheeky toddler she should have been
While waiting for chips we biked and scooted along the canal
And we splashed in muddy puddles
And then we ate chips
Together
The family
Uncles, Aunties, Granny, Granddad, Parents, Cousins and Siblings
We ate chips
Enjoyed the salt
And remembered a very special little girl
After another walk along the sea
It was time to head for home
Granny and Granddad said their goodbyes
And it was four of us home alone
We opened the presents
We had been sent
By our family and our friends
Esther and William loved their presents
And they gave David and I some time to breathe
As the sun set
And the stars came out
It was time to walk with our torches
We roamed the garden
Lit Tilda’s star
And wrote her name in the air
With sparkles
We saluted Baby Tilda
And searched for her in the stars
Once Esther and William were all clean from their bath
It was time for pyjamas and stories
The theme for the night had to be the sky
Night sky pyjamas for William
Day time sky for Esther
And the story had to be
How to Catch a Star
And once Esther and William were safe and asleep
We honoured our daughter with starlight
We remembered the night that we lost her
And all that we will now never know
Our baby will be always a baby
She will not have a chance to grow
We love and miss our daughter in starlight
God bless you Baby Tilda
Sleep tight x
All my love to you all Jennie, I cannot imagine how hard these past few days must have been but it seems like you honoured and remembered Matilda in the best ways xxx
What a stunningly beautiful celebration for Matilda Mae, I laughed, I cried, I prayed and I spoke to the stars. xx I wish you all love and peace. xxxx
You have been in my thoughts often over these last few days Jennie. Beautiful words, and a beautiful day to remember Matilda Mae. Much love xx
Jennie I can’t imagine how difficult last weekend was for you. Your day by the beach looked so special – how lovely that Matilda left you kisses on the sand and pulled your bubbles straight to her. I wrote her name with stars in pink chalk on my run in the crisp countryside air and said a prayer for her. Love M xx
What a beautiful way to honour a beautiful girl. The photos are wonderful- she was definitely smiling down on you. I love that you found star fish along the beach. I love that you marked the day in exactly the way you wanted to.
xxxxxxxxxxx
A truly beautiful way to celebrate the little life of your beautiful baby girl Tilda. XxxxX
⭐️
Thinking of you Jennie. I was following your journey on twitter but forgot my password so haven’t been on for a long time.
We blew bubbles for baby Tilda on Sunday. How beautiful you saw starfish at the beach, so fitting and a definite sign from MM!
Esther & William have grown so much!
What a beautiful way to mark a tragically sad day. I believe in signs and am happy for you that Matilda is so generous with them.
My baby daughter was only a couple of months old when Baby Tilda died last year. I am often looking at my daughter, thinking about you and Matilda, and how our Pea and your baby Tilda would be about the same age now. We have never really met, but you and Baby Tilda have touched my life so much. You have made me reconsider my priorities. I wanted to say thank you for that. I will never forget you or your daughter. Much love, Deborah xx
I had tears in my eyes reading this, but it made me smile too thinking of Tilda stealing a chip and the starfish kisses the perfect sign x
What a beautiful day you had to remember your beautiful baby girl. I’m so glad you had so many signs that she was there with you. I believe she was everywhere that day. Sending you love and counting down the days until I see you again xx
Perfectly remembered.
Loving the starfish left out for you to find…..such a clever girl. X
What a beautiful way to remember her. I love the photo of her name on the driftwood with the rocks and sea beyond, and all those starfish, it couldn’t be a more perfect sign. xx
So many beautiful ways of remembering MM and marking such a sad sad day xxx
I always loved that Muse song and I will always think of you and Matilda now when I hear it. I remember on the 2nd Feb reading a tweet or facebook post from you about the starfish at the beach. and thinking how wonderful that was. Your photographs are beautiful. Thinking of you lots just now x
I believe 100% that the starfishes must have been a sign. A beautiful way to remember your Angel Jennie, your family sound incredible. I have been thinking of you so much the last couple of weeks. x
I thought I had replied to this. I agree – I think the Starfish were 100% a sign. She knows and she is still there guiding the way through the darkness. The chip pinching made me laugh through the tears of reading this. Much love xxx
Thinking of you.. Thinking of your family and Tilda.. There are no words I can say. I am amazed at your bravery and strength. Remarkable. I am sure you have weak days but your angel will always pull you through.. Never forgotten and forever in your heart. Much love and sending you any strength xxx
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