It is a 40 minute drive
From our house to the hospital
Today David and I chatted a little
And then I had flashback after flashback
Of our daughter Matilda Mae
Being pregnant with her
Being with her
Being without her
Flashback after flashback after flashback
We were seen quickly at the hospital today
And the anomaly scan was thorough
We saw our baby girl
2D and 3D
Our beautiful baby girl
The midwife kept describing her as lovely
A lovely back brain
A beautiful spine
Fabulous fingers and happy feet
She was perfect
In every way
Our beautiful rainbow baby
Now just has some growing to do
And my baby needs me to give her what she needs to grow
And now there is a question mark
Am I going to be able to do it?
Give my baby what she needs
For the next 19 weeks
And beyond?
Today we were told that everything is as it should be with our baby
With our baby
But not with me
Because Esther and William were born so prematurely
The Consultant decided to monitor the length and condition of my cervix
At 18 weeks it was a good length
3.2cm
At 20 weeks it is still 3.2cm
But there is some funneling
I had to cough during the scan
The funnel measured 0.9cm
28% of the length
Cervical funneling
The midwife and the consultant did not seem that concerned
But I am terrified
The Consultant says that I need to rest as much as I can
No long walks, not on my feet all day
I should not lift Esther and William
I should not lift anything heavier than a kettle filled with water
I have to go back to the hospital
In two weeks
For another scan
Greater than 50% funneling before 25 weeks is associated with approximately 80 % risk of preterm delivery.
I am only 20 weeks
I have 28% funneling
I hope beyond all hope that it does not get any worse
I keep thinking back to my first midwife appointment
When she said
“I would like to tell you that you have had your fair share of heartache
But the world does not work like that”
No it does not
And now we wait to see what our fate is to be this time
Once again I am terrified
And once more we wait
It is going to be a long two weeks
Until the cervix is measured again
And we are told what we need to do
Our rainbow baby is perfect
It is my responsibility now
Not to let her down
Oh Jennie xxxxx sending love and hope for your rainbow. Please put your feet
up and rest as much as possible. I know that’s hard, I was told similar at 24 weeks (due to SPD) and having energetic children to look after it’s especially hard.
Thinking of you all the time xxxxx
Thinking of you and hoping that it’s good news in a fortnight’s time but also that you have some moments of calm and rest before then x
Oh Jennie, not the best news, it must be really hard for you. I had funnelling too and I remember being so scared. A cervical stitch was mentioned but the risk of infection and miscarraige put me off. I made it to the end and my baby was born at term and healthy. I truly hope and pray that it’s the same for you.
Your baby is perfect and deserves to be here, you can do it. It’s hard but please try and stay positive. xx
I know it feels like it is your responsibility. I wish it didn’t add that extra pressure to you. I hope that your funnel stays the same or improves. I will be very happy to see you write you have reached 24 weeks and then 28 and 30 weeks. Feels like I am going through every milestone with you here.
I have never heard of funnelling before, I kind of knew about dodgy cervixes, but not what it was exactly, so thanks for the learning.
How exciting to see the scan photos – thank you for sharing. I haven’t very many 3d scans before, it must be really odd to see your baby so clearly.
I hope you are able to get the rest you need, and that there are people there who can help support you with this. I think the midwife was very honest with you on your first visit, and I think that shows respect for what you have gone through.
Much love
Oh I just want to be able to…… I don’t know, help in some way. You’re the strongest person I’ve never met ;-D This WILL be ok!! Rest up! X
Beautiful scan pics of your rainbow girl.
Thinking of you all lots and hope the scan in two weeks shows no change. I had a funnelling and an ever reducing cervix length with my rainbow daughter and had to be scanned every fortnight from 20 weeks. It was incredibly worrying having that additional fear – but the weeks did pass, and I ended up being overdue with her!
Sending you lots of love
Never is a mummy more deserving than you to have a healthy full term baby. Believe in yourself Jennie and your inner strength. You are an amazing mummy. I hope you feel the presence of MM through this emotional pregnancy x
Oh Jennie – first up it is wonderful news that your rainbow baby is healthy and she is gorgeous. I can only begin to imagine how scared you are but please think positive because negative thoughts will put stress on your body. Take it one day at a time, rest and think positive thoughts. Picture your rainbow baby growing each day and your cervix staying right where it is xx
x x x x x x x x Of course you are terrified, of course! But I believe in Rainbow Baby and I believe in YOU (and your funnelly-cervix too!) I so believe in you all and am praying for the most perfect outcome. x x x x x x x x x I have a lot of days in April where I could come down with or without the boys and take the twins out to classes or on outings or just play in the garden while you rest. Please do really consider calling me one day with your diary open so we can put some time in the diary when you can really put your feet-up not for an hour but ALL day! I would love to do it so it’s not like I’d be doing you a favour, more of an indulgence for me! Think about it.. x x x x
Hello Jennie, thanks for sharing the lovely images of your rainbow. I really hope you will rest up. So many of us fellow mums are with you in spirit. Good luck mama x
I love the tern happy feet, you can never let her down. Sending lots of cervix strengthening vibes. x
Hi just read your post. I had my first baby at 25 weeks. (She’s 6 now) and my two subsequent pregnancies went full term, my cervix shortened dramatically with them and I had progesterone suppositories from 25 weeks with my second & from 20 weeks with my third. This seemed to help with my cervix and I rested, didn’t lift , Hoover of anything. I wish you lots of luck xx
Jennie, whilst my situation is not quite the same as yours, I do very much identify with your fear.
I am now 22 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby after the miscarriage of my second child last year.
Early on in this pregnancy I had a hemorrhage which has left a blood clot behind in between the womb wall and the pregnancy sac. As a result I am having to rest a lot, lift nothing heavy and am at increased risk of pre-term delivery.
I worry every day, and get mad at myself that my body might “betray” my healthy growing baby.
I truly wish you the very best of luck, and if you want to share any of your thoughts and emotions, don’t hesitate to contact me at Doubtfulmum.
Hi Jennie
I haven’t written for ages and I am sorry for that but I will explain later. For now though I am so sorry for what you are now dealing with. I don’t want to scare you but please don’t wait that two weeks. If you have funnelling now then please please push for a transvaginal stitch as soon as possible. As you know I have lost two to an incompetent cervix and I would have given anything for someone to tell me push harder for a stitch earlier. By the time I was at hospital 3cm dilated it was too late. Nick Wales in London is the best incompetent cervix consultant in the UK at the moment if you want a second opinion. But please put yourself on bed rest until you can get more advice about what is happening. If you trust your consultant then fine but please be sure as it is very hard to accurately measure funnelling and waiting two weeks is too long. I was fine at 22 weeks and in hospital with an open cervix by 23/2 weeks. I am so sorry as I know you are now feeling awful and terrified, but I couldn’t just read and run. Prayers and hugs coming your way. Do PM me if you want help or a chat xxxxx
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