SIDS: In The News Again

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When you have lost a baby to SIDS

Reading about it in the papers

Hearing about it on the news

Is really really hard

No one really knows what causes SIDS

There are no conclusive answers

Babies die of SIDS everywhere

Cots, sofas, parents’ bed, bouncy chair, car seat and pram

Babies have died of SIDS in their mother’s arms

I know that reports have to be published

I know that the findings have to be discussed

But if you choose to write about it

Criticise what you read

Remember that you are talking about someone’s baby

A real live healthy baby

Who just died

Some neonatal deaths are tragic accidents

That parents have to live with for the rest of their lives

Some infant deaths have no conclusive cause of death

Nothing certain

After tests and post mortems

There is no reason

And parents have to live with this for the rest of their lives

Explain to siblings that they just do not know why some babies die

A beautiful healthy baby just went to sleep and died

I read the reports

The responses to the reports

The throw away remarks

With a very different perspective to someone who has never lost a baby

It is the second time since Tilda died that co-sleeping and SIDS has been in the news

And I still feel as I did a little over a year ago

Our Rainbow Baby is due in a matter of weeks

And I cannot rule out the fact that she will sleep in my bed

Tilda slept with me most nights of her life

And one of the few nights she was in a cot

She died

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I am terrified every night

That one of my children will not wake up in the morning

I do everything I can to ensure that my children sleep safely

But there are still no guarantees

That my baby, my children, will not die

Reports need to be written

Guidelines offered

Responses made

Parents need access to all the information

And they need help to decide how best to use that information for them

In their family situation

To keep their children safe

I hope that together professional agencies and charities

Can find a way to come together and do just that

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Read my first post about SIDS and Co-Sleeping

Read my post about SIDS and The New Baby

Read the NCT response to NICE here

Read more from The Lullaby Trust here

Read about co-sleeping safely here

A Doula’s Point of View acknowledging that we do not know what causes SIDS and we have no way of completely eradicating the risks

7 thoughts on “SIDS: In The News Again

  1. Did they mention anything to you about her over heating? With you saying recently that she was in a Grobag the night she went to sleep as well as blanket/s which isn’t advised even when its cold. It’s such a worry that they don’t know what causes SIDS. The guidelines have reduced numbers but people still use blankets, over layer babies, put toys in the cot etc and some follow the guidelines and the awful still happens. But sadly perhaps some things are just meant to be as awful and wrong as it is. I’m sure rainbow will be ultra safe esp with her big sister looking after her

  2. I’m so sorry that you have experienced this tragedy. Thank you for having the strength to write about it. I hope that you have support to enable you to fully enjoy your rainbow baby. With doula love, Lindsey

  3. I do so hope that one day there is a breakthrough with the research. This shouldn’t happen to any baby, any family. I’ve never met you, but my heart breaks when I see photos of you and Tilda – I still find it hard to comprehend that she is no longer here. You are a very brave lady xx

  4. Fingers crossed one day they will find and answer, a reason why this still happens much more than people think. I know it’s too late for Tilda and other’s but it would be fantastic if they could find out why this happens so that they can stop it happening to other children in the future. Beautiful photos of you and Tilda xx

  5. I know we don’t know each other but I’ve been thinking of you a lot today, I read the new guidance last night, perhaps that’s why. I’ve been thinking how brave you are to have another child, yet I understand; I’ve been thinking about your anxiety and how that will be when rainbow arrives. I worried about SIDS with all my babies, a local mother’s baby died while I was pregnant with no., 3 which made me more concerned. But I co-slept with all of them while they were breastfeeding until about six months. This time I’m permanently anxious that my baby will die. I know our situations are very different but Abi’s brain haemhorrage was similar to SIDS in that it was sudden, unpredictable, untreatable and unexplainable. That shock is very hard to live with. I have been cosleeping again but I wake in fear. Last night I read that paper and put him in the babybay crib but by his 3am feed hewwanted to be with me so he came back in. I feel terrible like I’m putting his life at risk. It’ll be my fault if he dies in our bed. I carry him pretty much all day. He likes to be close and he’s never out of my sight. I’m on permanent alert. But this post actually comforted me, knowing that cosleeping was not an issue. I know each case is different and just like Abi we’ll never know why then, why that child. I try to be less worried. I try to believe it can’t happen to us again but then I think that makes it more likely to happen. Does that make sense? I’ve not bought a monitor yet as I’m worried it’ll make me worse. I just know I won’t settle until at least a year and even still I get scared at bedtime (Abi died at bedtime too). Believing in tomorrow is all we have and I thank you for sharing your thoughts as it’s helped this other grieving, anxious mum immensely. Xxx

  6. Pingback: Sleeping with Bea #SaferSleepWeek Part 1 | Edspire

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