There is no getting away from the fact it is coming
The holidays are coming
My children are beyond excited
I am looking forward to making the season magical for them this year
I want them to have hearts filled with happy Christmas memories
As I have
I have always adored Christmas
Until last year
Our first without our daughter
Our first without Matilda Mae
Our Christmas Star
Now everything about Christmas hurts
All the things I have loved so much, for so long
Cause me pain
The things that should bring happiness
Bring sadness and tears
As we gather together as an extended family
As groups of friends
It is all too painfully obvious
That our little girl is not here
Not enough cousins at Grannny’s
One grandchild too few
One less pile of presents to wrap
One less fussy mouth to feed
One smile missing
This year should be her first when she would truly understand
The magic of Christmas
I try to be happy for all those families coming together
But it breaks my heart that our little family
Will never ever be complete
Our Christmas can never be truly happy and merry
Because Matilda Mae is not there
This year is Bea’s first Christmas
I will spend the whole season praying
That it will not also be her last
I cannot even write this post without crying
How am I going to get through the days?
Festivities, occasions and gatherings
Really shine a spotlight
On the cracks in our lives
They highlight the horror and heartache
Of the missing
The symbolism of Christmas time
The stories and the songs
They all take on new meaning
When your baby is dead and gone
Christmas Dinner 2012
I hope you have the strength to get through Christmas for Esther William and Bea, but can sneak a moment with David to just be with Tilda whilst the stars shine in the sky. Special occasions must always be the hardest xxx
What a beautifully written poem Jennie.
Everyone will wish you a happy Christmas.
And you will take the day and the days that run up to it, one at a time.
And know that Matilda Mae is missed.
Bea is smiling today!
Have a cup of tea with her.
It will be okay.
Big hugs.
I can’t believe it will be the second Christmas without her. And I do not know how you will get through it, but you will. As you did last year. I know that was hard and I hope that Bea will help to make it a little easier this year. But I know you will be missing your special angel more than ever. I will be thinking of you all x x x
Christmas showed me how much, how suddenly everything had changed. I can’t go to church on Christmas Eve without tears in my eyes, as like you said, I think to whatever i happen to believe in that year, please bring him home, please bring me a sign, please dont take anyone else. The christmas carols, the lines in some of them still, 6 years on reduce me to tears. The stars the angels. The dilemma about whether to write his name in cards, when not including it feels awful, but you know that people will think its wrong to include it. Seeing all the little boys stuff , buying for my nephews and dreamng of the should have beens. I think the joy grows as time goes on, but underneath it the sadness and the gap is stil there.
I am so not looking forward to Christmas this year. It all seems so pointless now but I will have to do things for Emma, like like you will for your surviving children. But the pain will stay in our hearts and we will become specialists at hiding it for their sake. Hugs.xx