All year something has not been quite right with school
Esther and William are more than happy to go
They enjoy school
If you ask them if they would like to go to school or stay at home
William would choose to stay at home
Esther would choose to go to school
The thing is that school will still be there next year
And the year after that and the year after that
School will always be waiting
In September 2014 I reluctantly took Esther and William to school
They attended part time until the end of January
They now attend full time
They have not made the progress I would expect them to make
Academically they each have strengths and struggles
But physically, emotionally and socially
Are the areas that set them apart from their peers
Still
And we are into the fourth term of the year
Two terms left to go until Esther and William are supposed to start Year 1
And I know they are not ready for that
David and I have some tough decisions ahead
Some tough conversations with family, friends, professionals
And Esther and William themselves
We need to decide whether they should progress to Year 1 or not
My head and my heart says no
They are too young and too small
For the formality and expectations that Y1 will bring
David agrees
More so than ever before
That if they can repeat this first school year
Then they definitely should
Better to repeat and get it right now
Than have to try and correct things when they are older
I am certain it is the right thing to do
Because I know that I should have never wavered in the first place
Esther and William should be in a nursery setting this year
Getting ready for reception in September 15
And these are just some of the reasons why
Readiness for Reading and Writing
Esther is becoming more introverted and worried. She is reluctant to read as she finds it hard. I hate myself for pushing her on to do her school reading. She is only 4, if she does not enjoy reading or find it easy she should not yet be pushed into doing it, She is too young. This yeat she should be enjoying listening to fairy tales and exploring stories with others before learning how to read the words herself when she is ready.
William loves reading and reads everything he sees. We should be indulging this, nurturing it, developing it and helping him to use his love of reading to explore his world. Instead we are forcing him to write, which he cannot do because he does not have the required physical strength or skill. He is only 4, there is plenty of time to learn to write, especially if he is not forced into Y1 12 months too soon because of when he was born.
If Esther and William move up to Y1 this September they are going to need a lot of adult support, not because they have an educational need but because of their immaturity. Because they are not ready!
William is a bright boy, he loves learning, he has an amazing memory and an appetite for knowledge. To show what he is capable of he needs an adult with him all the time, to scribe for him, to record his understanding and ideas. Not because he is not intelligent or needs help to process or understand but because his body is not yet mature enough to do what his brain is able to do.
Esther would need extra support with reading and developing her confidence and self esteem. This could so easily be fixed by staying in reception and working within the correct year group for her age according to her due date.
At the end of reception year next year I think Esther and William would be confidently exceeding expectations in reading and writing. I think they would be less frustrated and more confident. They would be thriving in the year group that they actually belong.
It seems so simple to me.
Emotions and Exhaustion
Esther and William are good children and they give their all at school but it comes at a cost. They have very little energy and ability left to do anything else. They find life outside of the school gates really really tough.
We get home from school at 3.30pm. Esther and William are always hungry and so we have a large snack and a drink in front of the TV. By 4.15 they are ready to play. Esther likes an activity to do after school, a quiet craft or some small world / sensory play. William likes to go outside and play in the garden, ride his bike or stay in the playroom and play with his trains. By 5pm they are ready for the bath so we have tea and by 6pm they are
in bed, ready for their bedtime stories. They are asleep no later than 7pm.
In the morning they wake up around 7am and are able to have a bit of a play before breakfast and getting ready for school.
At the weekends we like to spend as much time as we can outside. We go out walking or to a local park with bikes. We visit family and we do lots of play together.
Esther and William have a good home life but are often too tired to make the most of family times.
Because of their size and development Esther and William do get tired very easily. Their tiredness manifests itself in different ways in each of them. Esther becomes very drawn looking. She can be very pale with black circles round her eyes. She becomes clumsy and falls over a lot. She can be very sad and withdrawn. As terms go on Esther becomes more and more like this as we all look forward to weekends and holiday when we get our cheeky, funny little girl back.
William is the opposite. As he tires he gets louder and sillier. Since starting school his language at home has regressed. He talks in a baby voice not using his language properly. He also repeats himself a lot and makes funny noises over and over again. We are worried that as well as tiredness this is William struggling to process all that happens during a school day. He seems over stimulated and no matter what we try to calm him he finds it very very difficult to switch off. I believe this is because he is being exposed to too much too soon. I worry that we are expecting him to cope with more than he is ready for.
Physical Ability and Life Skills
Esther and William, born three months premature, spent the first 59 days of their life in hospital. They could not breathe independently when they were born. They were on oxygen for over a month and were fed through tubes for the first weeks of their lives. They did not have a brilliant start to life. They did not attend baby groups or classes as we were advised not to mix with groups of children too much during their first winter for fear of catching a cold that could put them back into intensive care. Esther and William have never been readmitted to hospital because at each stage of their life we have made sacrifices and decisions that ensured they would not be. Esther and William did not walk until they were 21 months old. Their prematurity means that they are very small for their age and some of their milestones have been delayed. This is much more the case for William, who was not long out of nappies when he started school. They are only now really getting to grips with dressing themselves and they do so with a lot of encouragement and support from us.
Esther and William can ride bikes with stabilisers, William is much better at this than Esther. They are not that good at scooting and though William loves the idea of playing with a ball neither he or Esther are very good at it.
William’s motor skills need a lot of work. He needs to build stamina and strength and muscle control. Developing these skills will give him the tools he needs for writing.
William can read and type and spell but he cannot get to grips with a pencil. His body just will not do what he needs it to do to start putting pencil to paper.
William is incredibly small for his age and this causes physical issues with using school equipment including toilet facilities and in the dining room.
His toilet habits and behaviour have gotten gradually worse as the school year has progessed and I think he is struggling without the close adult support that he needs.
Social Skills
Esther and William have always been confident and sociable. I think that since starting school they have lost some of their social skills and personal confidence. I find it very sad that this is happening. I know that they are well liked by the older children and staff at school. Esther spends more time being babied and fussed over by older girls than she does developing friendships with girls in her class. William wants to always be right beside Esther at school and I take this as a sign of insecurity. When Esther is not around William is often alone while the other reception boys play together. I think William will find it much easier to make friends next year as the new cohort will be much more like him in a number of ways. I want my happy, confident, sociable children back again.
Common Sense
It was not Esther or William’s fault that they were born too soon! It was not their fault that their premature birth meant that they were asked to start school in the wrong year group with children up to 15 months older than them. It is common sense to start children born prematurely according to their due date as all their milestones until the point of starting school are adjusted according to their due date. It is just simple common sense!
And so here I am, ready to fight again for what I know to be right for my children.
Knowing that right now this is what they need to do.
If Esther and William can have another year before embarking on Y1, I know that they will be more ready. I know that William will not need support with his writing nor Esther with her reading because they will be more mature in every way. They will be ready to make the most of their school experience and to thrive. William may well end up ahead of others in his year group in some areas but that is how it should be, how it would gave been if he were born at the right time. Clever children born in September are not forced into school early and schools have to provide for those brighter children, The same principles will apply. But actually what I think will happen if the delay is allowed is that Esther and William will find their feet and fit, because by due date, expected date the September 15 intake is where they belong.
We have tried them starting this year and for so many reasons it has not worked.
Esther and William are not yet at compulsory school age. We should be able to throw our hands up and admit, we tried but it has not work. It is in the best interests of these children to start their primary school education again.
They deserve their chance to be happy and to thrive.
I think it is a very sensible idea to start them in reception again in September. Jasmine is currently thriving in Year 1, she is writing and spelling complex words, reading chapter books without any problem, and working out difficult sums. She powers through her homework each week and is a very engaged and motivated student. Sonny, who will be five in September, shortly after he starts reception, cannot do anywhere near as much as his sister could at the same age. There is no doubt in my mind that he would flounder irreparably if forced to start Year 1 this September. There is no reason for children of this age to be in Year 1.
In Africa children used to start school when they can reach their arm over the top of their hear and touch their ear! Then they had the coordination to write and skip, very true for the majority of children. They thrive at home till 7 or even continue with home education and their many groups.
Dear Jennie
I think you need to be very careful here, and consider how E and W might feel down the line at being out of year. In my experience, kids hate being different, and just want to be like everyone else. My daughter (now 20) was very sick as a baby (now fine) and she started school a year late. Looking back, I don’t think we really had any choice, but I wish so much she had started on time, even if it was a bit harder for her, cos she always hated so much being out of year. She’s quite shy and a bit of a conformist, but little innocent comments from other kids like “why are you having an 8th birthday party when we’re having a 7th” used to make her feel so embarrassed and ashamed. She always used to say that she just wanted to be like all the other kids and didn’t want to be different. She also really hated (and still does) giving the explanation and talking about being sick as a baby – even now, if it ever comes up, it makes her uncomfortable and she always changes the subject and dismisses any talk of it with “I’m fine now, it doesn’t matter about 20 years ago”. I think growing up “feeling different” had a really negative effect on her.
Also – all the behaviours you talk about noticing in E and W – I noticed all of them in all my children during their first couple of years at school! All totally normal and they all ended up loving school and being successful.
Of course, this is all your decision and I hope this doesn’t sound intrusive – it’s just worth considering that E and W might find their prematurity and early struggles something they want to forget about and not be reminded of growing up. X
Hi Laura Thank you for this. We have thought about it so much. David and I talk about it all the time between ourselves and with people close to us, family, friends and professionals. I also write about it here so that we can consider comments from people such as yourself, kind enough to take the time. I think with Esther and William their birthday will always fall in the holidays which will help with comparisons from other children. Also I hope that we will teach Esther and William to be proud of where they have come from and their start in life. We talk to them openly about lots of things and I hope that is something that will continue. The school Esther and William attend had mixed age classes so there are always a wide ranges of ages and abilities. I know we have a lot to think about x Thank you x
Our daughter was born, prematurely, 5 days before the school year cut off. But we live in a country where the choice of when to send children to school is up to the parents. So our daughter started a year after those born on her birthday. But started the same year as those born when she should have arrived.
Ten years on, I do not have a moment of regret. And I have talked to many, many folk in a situation similar to ours since. And I am yet to find anyone think that there child starting a year later or repeating an early year was detrimental.
I am a volunteer counsellor. I tell parents sent to me for help to trust their instinct as I’m yet to see a parent not know what their child needs.
As a reception teacher myself and a mother I understand many of the issues you have discussed. I however have a suggestion that has helped both my own boys and children I work with and wondered if might help with motor skills, muscle control and balance. Balance bikes are a fabulous way to teach and develop these skills and children and are lots of fun. Many children also learn to ride pedal bikes (without stabilisers) quicker this way too!!
Hope this may be of some use to you and I enjoy readin your blog, it is a beautiful expression of your life x
Hi Zoe, Esther and William both have balance bikes. They started with Toddlebikes which are awesome and now have balance bikes as well as trikes and pedal bikes. We also do lots of messy and sensory play for fine motor skills x Thank you for your lovely comment about my blog too x x x x
Hi Jennie, I’m Mum to a summer born daughter, now in year 6. I took the decision to send her school once she had turned 5. I felt she was too young to go at just 4. She’s a quiet child, and I felt that socially she needed an extra year to play. No state school would take her, so I sent her to a private school. It was absolutely the best decision for her. She is still a quiet child, but a strong, capable, confident, happy little girl. One school principal said to me at the time ‘ summer borns often struggle to start with, but by the age of 8 they have caught up’. This was a defining statement for me, I didn’t want my 4 year old to struggle at all. Good luck with your decision, and remember you know your children better than anyone.
FYI other parents of twins and starting school: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2986622/Twins-born-days-start-school-year-told-start-Year-One-father-slams-lack-common-sense.html