Darkness has been falling here
Since the sun came up
Probably before that in reality
But the shadows became more menacing
With the rising of the sun
The light has shut down
I cannot see clearly
Nothing seems quite right
Everything feels broken
It is one of those days
That sneaks up on you
And takes your breath away
It is one of those days
When I feel it is time to admit
I cannot do this
I can’t do this
I don’t want to do this
Without Matilda Mae
I feel like no one is listening
And if they are trying to listen they cannot hear
I feel so alone
So on my own
I am so tired of getting on like everything is okay
Because every day is costing me dearly
The energy spent in pretending
The emotion exerted in trying to look like I am doing okay
My health is in tatters
I look old and haggard
I feel like I am invisible
Like no one sees me
I wonder if I want no one to see me?
I have physical and emotional
Sores and scars that will not heal
And I have no clue how to make things better
Or if I even want to
I hate myself
I hate what I am
Am terrified of what I might become
Perhaps I am better on my own
I wish I could think straight but I can’t
I wish I had the answers but I don’t
I just don’t
Today is one of those days
That sneaks up on you
And takes your breath away
It is one of those days
When I feel it is time to admit
I cannot do this
I can’t do this
I don’t want to do this
Without Matilda Mae
Listening quietly and sending you some ‘virtual hugs’. I can’t imagine – even imagining hurts. I’m so sorry for your pain and for the loss of that beautiful tiny life, that would have done so much and brought joy to so many people.
“I am so tired of getting along as though everything is okay.” Oh yes, me too. Grief is such a heavy burden to carry isn’t it Jennie. There is nothing that can make it better, nothing that can take away the pain of living without our babies, Matilda Mae and Hugo. Hugs xxx
My heart feels heavy for you. I simply cannot imagine your pain. Sending love and wishes for time to rest and be xxx