Pregnancy, Prematurity, Babyloss

In two weeks time I will be heading to London

With my almost 5 year old twins

To join the Bliss London Buggy Push

We will be pushing physically

As I encourage Esther and William to walk the route

And explain to them the reasons why

together

They are beginning to understand their journey

How their start in life was different from most

They understand that they are special

That they were born too small, too soon

togetheri

Born at 27 weeks

Weighing just over 2lbs

They are lucky to have survived at all

59 days of incredible care

Means that they are here

With a story to tell

And what a story it is

Overcoming their own hurdles

As well as losing their baby sister to SIDS

together

A friend recently told me that if you wrote down

Everything that has happened to David and I

To our children

In the last six years

And tried to submit it as a movie script or book plot

It would be rejected for being unrealistic

Too many things in too short a time to be real

together again

But it is real

It is the life we are living

4 unsuccessful cycles of IVF

Including one where I lost all my eggs before they could be collected

I dreamed it had happened

And it had

Major bowel surgery whilst pregnant with twins

Premature birth

59 days in NICU and SCBU

Falling pregnant naturally

Beautiful Baby Tilda

Conceived on the day the twins turned one

Carrying her to term

The beautiful birth of healthy baby Matilda Mae

Losing Tilda to SIDS

Early missed miscarriage

Terrible experience of ERPC

Rainbow pregnancy

Rainbow Baby

And all that living after loss of a child entails

fragile

From infertility to a family of six

With our beautiful angel in the sky

We have been cared for by our incredible NHS

I am grateful to so many doctors and nurses

For saving my own and my children’s lives

But there have been gaps in the services too

Things that can be changed

To improve care through pregnancy, prematurity and loss

I am one voice

With one story to tell

Alone I am quiet

But together

Together we can shout out loud

This month I am taking action

As part of the #matexp campaign

MatExp

The NHS Change Day Maternity Experience campaign aims to:

Encourage and empower users of maternity services to join conversations about their experiences of maternity care, and what really makes a difference to that experience.
Get health care professionals (in and beyond the NHS) and local communities to listen and work in partnership with women and families to improve maternity experiences.
To enable anyone to take action to improve maternity experience, however big or small, whoever you are: user, partner, community group or NHS staff.

Inspired by the #matexp team I am taking action

I have been thinking for a while now

What I want Baby Tilda’s legacy to be

What I want to do in her name

That honours her and celebrates her

And also includes Esther, William and Bea

Through conversations I have had with members of the #matexp Facebook group

I have finally decided what Matilda Mae’s legacy will be

I want to find a way to support the siblings

Of babies who die

No matter the age or stage at which a baby is lost

Grief affects the whole family

I want to find ways to support siblings through stories

Through songs, crafts, poems and play

Messy, sensory, therapeutic play

Messy Play for Matilda Mae

The answer to my own question has been with me all along

The #matexp campaign and specifically the #FlamingJune initiative

Has inspired me to take action

To start using all I have been through

To begin helping others

Infertility

Pregnancy

Pre Birth Trauma

Prematurity

Loss

Pregnancy after loss

Supporting siblings through loss

Raising a Rainbow Baby

I want to use my voice

My experiences

My story

To pave the way for mothers coming behind me

Families travelling the same path

Wearing our shoes

My actions for #matexp and #FlamingJune are

1: Continue sharing our story on my blog, focusing this month on family life after loss, supporting families and especially siblings
2: Using my blog to promote and support babyloss charities and share what they can offer families, including siblings, after the loss of a baby or death of a child
3: Share the books, activities and resources I have used with Esther and William and continue to use to guide them through their grief
4: Talk to local health centres / hospitals / children’s centres / schools / churches to see if I can share my ideas through them to help other local families
5: Begin to populate my Matilda Mae website with tools, ideas and resources to support young children after the death of a baby

There is so much I want to do

So many areas I feel passionately about

It has been hard to know where to start

Infertility

Pregnancy

Pre Birth Trauma

Prematurity

Loss

Pregnancy after loss

Supporting siblings through loss

Raising a Rainbow Baby

I want to use my voice

My experiences

My story

To pave the way for mothers coming behind me

Families travelling the same path

Wearing our shoes

This is where it begins

matexp

4 thoughts on “Pregnancy, Prematurity, Babyloss

    • This is so brave, so generous and so essential. Sharing your pain and grief and reliving your experiences, however painful, must be incredibly difficult. Many would be tempted to turn inwards. The fact that you do just the opposite is a testament to your strength.

  1. You are so amazing! My daughter was a 27 weeker born 9 months exactly after my son was stillborn. If theres anything at all I can do to help give me a shout xx

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