I cannot believe that it is the 2nd again

May seemed to pass in the blink of an eye

How can 31 days just disappear?

I have no idea how but they did

I seem to wake up

Then it is tea time

And nothing has been done

I feel like I am wasting days

I barely say more than a few sentences to Esther and William each day

Every hour

Awake and asleep

Is consumed for me by Bea

It makes me really sad

Before I know it they will be at school

And I will regret having wasted all this time

Just as we lost last summer in a haze of Bea

We are in danger of this summer going the very same way

Poor Esther and William

Always the ones to lose out

To Bea

To Tilda

To grief

There is always a reason I cannot give them the attention they need

And I am missing out on them

It physically hurts when I think about it

I love them so very much

We need more time!

How can we make more time?

I worry that my relationship with Esther and William

Will suffer because of this time

These long days when they mostly play alone

I miss doing crafts and messy play all the time

I miss snuggling up with a book

Bea will not stand for us doing things like that

She wants Mummy with her all the time

She needs me

She is only 10 months

But Esther and William need me too

They crave time with their mummy

I once read that children spell love

T I M E

Time

All our children want is for us to spend time with them

Real, quality time

And so instead of just wallowing in my self pity

And lack of time today

I am making time

I am making commitments to times

Just as I am planning to start making time for me

I also want to make time for each of my children

And for us as a family

This month is a busy month but I am going to make time

Time to take each child out on their own

Time to take Esther and William out without Bea

Time out so we are not distracted by things in the house

Out for a walk

Out for cake

Out shopping

Out to the park

Out to a show

I am already looking forward to it

I am determined not to let the sands of time

Slip away too fast this summer

I am going to savour simple moments with all my children

I am going to find and make the time