Sat beside me is a beaming Bea

Holding on to cuddly Upsy Daisy

And giving her kisses

Mwah!

Bea’s love of In The Night Garden has begun

It is a very emotional connection

For me

For Bea

With her little big sister in the sky

At 10 months Bea is a super fast crawler

She can stand without support for seconds at a time

She confidently cruises the furniture

And can walk with a walker

And holding on to hands

When I remarked to David recently

About our giant baby

He said that she will very soon be a toddler

And I am certain he is right

Her first all on her own steps

Cannot be far away

Bea chats and giggles a lot

She has a few words now

Things that we recognise as words

Dada for Mummy and Daddy

Mama for Mummy

Edda for Esther

Yum Yum for William

Hiya for hello

She says ‘hiya’ to everyone she meets

In a perfect Northern accent

If you do not respond

She lurches at your face

And grins at you

Until you notice her and respond

She is a very funny little lady

She also loves waving

Every time someone says hello or goodbye

Bea is still breastfeeding on demand

We are at the stage of feeding now

Where she often climbs onto me

Lifts up my top

And starts helping herself

She also does a lot of coming on and off the breast

I am never really sure what that means?

I don’t think weaning is going very well

She likes bread and cheese

Organix crisps and biscuits

But apart from that

And yoghurt

Most foods offered end up on the floor

I am not really sure what to do about that

Or if I need to do anything at all just at the moment?

Food for fun until you’re one

Right?

This week Bea has discovered stairs

She can easily climb them

And has already managed to fall down them

Esther and William never really did stairs

So this is all new to us

Bea has also discovered water play

And just like Esther and William

She LOVES it!

I am so glad

We are going to start doing lots of messy and sensory play now

Bea loves music and musical instruments

She loves clapping her hands

And has a surprisingly loud clap for a little one

I cannot wait for us to start some classes together

In the new school year

Bea loves to be outside

She loves crawling on the grass

She loves feeling flowers and plants

She loves watching her siblings play

Bea loves to cuddle

She gives great cuddles

But it is physically exhausting carrying her around all day

And some days she does like to be held ALL day

She is very clingy at the moment and does not like to be held by anyone but me

She loves her Daddy and they have special time together early each morning

Before the rest of us get up

Bea is also happy with Granny and Aunty Carolyn

Both people that she sees a lot

Bea loves her Smart Trike

And will happily be pushed round and round the garden in it

We have not had chance to take it out further yet

Bea still sleeps with me

In my arms til I go to sleep

Then beside me in our bed

She is a good sleeper really

We have a very gentle, flexible routine

I think when you are on baby number four

You have no choice but to go with the flow

I cannot believe that Bea has reached 10 months

I pinch myself each day that she has

She is 10 months old

And she is here

She is such a blessing

Though she can be very hard work

I try to be grateful for every minute with her

But sometimes it really is so hard

Even with a Rainbow Baby

You have all the pressure and guilt of any baby

Except perhaps the guilt is even more

I miss Tilda so much

I wonder every day

Is this what she would have been like

Had she lived?

Because Tilda died at 9 months

I blocked this stage with Esther and William from my mind

Now I am allowing myself to enjoy those memories all over again

And that brings on more piercing pangs of guilt

Poor poor Matilda Mae

She should be here

She should be with us

She will always be one of us

Peekaboo Matilda Mae

We miss you x