We are at the end of three weeks of work on our house
It has been much harder than we imagined
But it is clear to see that progress is being made
The walls are most definitely coming down
David and I have both been taken aback a bit
By the emotional rollercoaster a renovation project is
We hit a real low point in the middle of the week
But with the sun shine
And our 5000 litre rainwater harvesting tank in position
Things are looking up
Tomorrow I am going to the house
To knock down a piece of the playroom wall
Not something I will get to do every day
This is definitely an experience we will remember for a life time
A journey to a new and better home
A new and better life for our little family
But the voyage is an emotional one
With precious memories entwined in every beam, joist and floorboard
Our memories are mixed in with the fabric of the building
Each day for three weeks the team have been tearing down bricks
But also moments in time
Our time
Together as a family
In our home
Seeing how easy it is to knock down your house
Makes you remember the fragility of life
A stark reminder that nothing lasts forever
Everything is vulnerable
Everyone
This is our house
It was also Tilda’s home
The garden held Tilda’s tree
Her home is unrecognisable now
Her apple tree is gone
A sure sign that whether we want it to or not
Life does go on
With Tilda in our hearts
Life does go on
Changing our house will hopefully change our way of life
For the better
We are creating larger, lighter spaces
Where we can be together as a family
A family growing older together
We are excited about our plans
Seeing our dreams for our home
Become reality
But it does not stop the day to day
Reality of renovation
Being hard to take
It is more than the logistics of living
It is more than the dust and the dirt
It is the not knowing
The uncertainty
Knowing we are not in control
Of what is happening in our home
It is more than the logistics of living
It is more than the dust and the dirt
It is the echo of emptiness
The depth of destruction
The endless layers of dirt and dust
That seem to seep into everything
Digging ever deeper
Discovering treasure and terror in the soil
Laying the footings
Foundations for life
Not only our house
Footings for our future
Every aspect of every job is so important
So much rests with every decision made
All too easy to be caught up in the fear
The overwhelming worry
That we have bitten off more than we can chew
Taken down more than we can even begin to build back up again
I know that we are lucky
Know that we are blessed
To have a home at all
To be able to afford to extend and improve our home
We have been through so much as a family
In such a short space of time
So much of us is tied up in this house
It is an honour and a privilege to shape it
A huge responsibilty to get it right
Preservation
Renovation
Protecting the future
Respecting the past
Sympathetic improvements, predicting eco technology
Without damaging the history of the house
It’s standing and personality
Without damaging our children
Their connection with the house they love
Ensuring that they have an understanding
Of what we are doing and why
Why we have moved out of our house
Why we are letting strange men pull our home apart
Why many of their things are ‘missing’
Why the garden has become a building site
Why we are smashing and bashing
Why the house they love is coming crashing down
It is such an experience for them
Confusing but so exciting
They love seeing the diggers and dumpers at work
But it is scary for them too
They do not know when they will be able to return home again
Or what their house might be like
When we do go back
It is important that we talk to them
Involve them and include them
Comfort them
Reassure them
Help them to understand
That much of what has come down
Will be built up again
In a new, different, better way
We are working hard to help our children
Through this transitional phase of family life
In a safe, secure and much loved way
A project like this
Is testing for the grown ups
Relationships can be tested, strained
Important decisions must be made on the spot
No time for discussion
Much consideration
Everything has to keep on keeping on
Moving forward
Calculations are made
Corners cut
Extras added
Budgets balanced
Compromise
Time
Value
Money
Lifestyle
Longevity
Eco factors
The pressure is on
Enormous
Intense
Communication is vital
Yet not always possible
David is on site each day
Getting his hands dirty as much as he can
I am with the children
Finding our way with home schooling
Spending long days without Daddy
Outside of our home
Without most of our belongings
In a situation like this
You cannot help but think
How many people in the world live like this all the time?
With no hope of ever going home
Without a home to return to
I know that we are so lucky
So blessed in this respect
Yet the loss that this follows
Means the immense pressure
Can make it easy to lose perspective
We are trying hard to keep our feet
Firmly anchored on the ground
I think the hard days would be easier
If we had been more prepared
Though I am not sure anything could really prepare you
For the total destruction of your home
There are days when I have entered our house
And just cried
When I have been so overwhelmed by the state
Of what used to be our home
Days when it is hard to believe
It can ever be rebuilt
Then there are the days
I can see
I can feel
With some certainty
And such hope
That one day soon
Our house will be our home again
Bigger, better, different
With Tilda’s garden
At it’s heart
