So I am now the mother of six year old twins
Six!
How can that be?
I am so proud of my little 27 weekers
Of how far they have come
Of all they have achieved
I am so proud of how hard they have fought
To be here
So thankful that they have survived
Thrived
And delight us with their awesomeness
Day by day
I am so grateful
That they are fit and healthy
Happy and well
They have defied the odds in doing so
And now they are six
They are bright and energetic
High and enthusiastic
They love life
They love learning
Exploring
Adventuring
Discovering new things
They are the best of friends
Kind and caring siblings
To little sister Bea
And their little sister in the sky
Losing Tilda made me forget much of the horror
Of Esther and William’s beginning
The fear and the confusion
The trauma and the worry
The pre birth trauma
The preterm birth
And the consequences of prematurity
Just did not seem so significant
After Tilda died
Ester and William are alive
And the rest does not matter
That is what I told myself
In the first years after Tilda died
Now that I am getting some sense of perspective back
I realise once again
Just how very lucky we are today
To be the parents of six year old twins
It could so very easily
Have been so very different
In 2010 a baby born at 27 weeks
Had about an 80% chance of survival
For 55 nights I went home without my brand new babies
For 55 mornings we would walk in to NICU or SCBU
Not knowing what we might find
Life or death
Blood tests
Transfusions
Brain scans
Long lines
Blue lights
Heart scans
CPAP
I look back now
And throughout our NICU journey I was so outwardly positive
My bright and breezy birth announcement on Facebook
Not mentioning the fear that our babies might die
Jennie and David are proud proud parents of Esther Grace Henley born 7.33am and weighing 2lbs4oz and her little brother William Nairn Henley, born 7.55am and weighing 2lbs11oz. Both babies in special care where they will stay for 8 – 12 weeks but they are both doing really well. Welcome to the world Esther and William!!!
I must have felt that fear
Though I cannot remember it clearly now
I remember hurting and crying
And yelling
I remember David and I wishing there was someone who could just tell us what to do
I remember reading and singing to our babies in their incubators
I know I loved them before they were born
I know I would have been utterly broken
If one or both had died
I remember the babies on our unit who did die
And the guilt I felt that my babies were alive
My babies are alive
They are not babies anymore
They are six
They are not great big six year olds
I cannot say that
Prematurity has definitely affected their size
Especially William
Who in so many ways is more like a preschooler
Than a six year old boy
I don’t think we know yet
The full cost of them being extremely preterm
I think there are things we are yet to discover and understand
What I do know is
That my gorgeous boy
My beautiful girl
My crazy twins
Are six years old
They are six!
They still love their ‘huggles’
I never give them enough
We need some time set aside for huggling
William loves trains above all else
Followed closely by diggers and dumpers
Esther loves ponies and arts & crafts
She is happiest when she is creating
They love being outside
Being by the sea
They love special trips into London
They love the theatre and seeing shows
They love animals
And music
And pancakes with syrup
They love hide and seek
Climbing trees
Playing with water and mud
There is so much I could say
About my two
As a collaborative
And on their own
I adore my children
I love them so much
I know I have not given them the best start in life
But seeing their smiling faces
Every single day
I think we are going to be okay
I think that they are going to be okay
Onwards and upwards we go
To 7!!
Hope they both had a lovely birthday! x