Driving Forward

There have been

Are

So many negatives

About the last few months

It has been a crazy cloud of chaos

But the end is in sight

And there is one huge positive

To take from our time in our temporary home

I am driving again

At Easter we took Esther and William out of school

I stopped teaching

And we embarked on our home education journey

At around the same time

We moved out of our house

So building work could begin

This combination of things

Led me to having to drive again

And just like that I did

I took deep breaths

I gritted my teeth

And I got back behind the wheel

And now I drive every day

Without really thinking about it

We get up

We get in the car

And off we go

This is such a huge step forward for me

I have always been a nervous driver

A reluctant driver

I only learned to drive while pregnant with Matilda Mae

matilda mae

On the day that Tilda died

I drove my car the best I had ever driven it

With my best friend by my side

I was driving on the motorway

At good speed

Over taking lorries

Instead of sitting in the slow lane behind them

In my mind

That experience

My driving that day

Has tangled with Tilda dying

Which is why I found it so very hard to drive

After she died

The fear built up inside

The panic

It became such a mental block

I convinced myself that I could not possibly drive

And if I did drive

I could not drive fast or far

Tilda died in February 2013

It was June 2016 before I was driving properly again

It has been a very long road

It has affected my self confidence

My relationships

But I am back on the right path now

And would even go so far as to say that I quite enjoy driving

When it is good weather

And not dark

And I do not have to go on the M25!

Perhaps I still have some way to go

But I am driving

And because I am driving

I am able to do so much more with the children

The world, or the county, at least

Is our oyster

We get out and about every day

Sometimes I plan a route

Sometimes I let the Sat Nav lead the way

The Sat Nav takes some funny routes

And I am now driving down roads that I think many would class as footpaths

With grass growing down the middle!

Sometimes I deliberately go wrong

Especially when I am not in a hurry to get home

My car has become my friend

One of my many tools to get me through a tricky day

Driving has opened up a world of adventure

And opportunity

I am driving

Forward

raising rainbow big

2 thoughts on “Driving Forward

  1. I love all the road metaphors. Driving is a funny thing and even a small knock can affect your confidence. You’ve done so well to get behind the wheel again and I’m so glad you’re having fun going down tracks. We sing a bumpy song when we do :) xx

  2. Pingback: Goodbye 2016 | Edspire

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