So today I am exhausted before the day has even begun
After a restless night worrying about my telephone assessment for counselling
The call was this morning at 8.45am
I drove out in my car to find somewhere I could park
To be alone in a place with signal
There is no telephone signal in our temporary home
I could not find a place with enough signal for the call
I missed the call at 8.46am
The lady said that she would call back
So I raced to sit outside our old house
Ready for the call
But I missed it by a couple of minutes
There was no number to contact the lady on
Just the Head Office and they did not open until 9am
I called as soon as I could
I explained the situation
In tears
And they assured me that the lady would call back
I sat on the street
In my car
Waiting
For half an hour
No call
I called the Head Office back
And this time they said there would be no call back
That I should rebook the appointment
So through tears again
I did
My counselling will now start next week
Apparently there is no room for error in the world of telephone appointments
I hate talking on the phone
It took a lot for me to get in the right mind set to do this today
And now it has not happened
So I will have to go through all the mental preparation again next week
Does anyone know why initial counselling assessments have to be on the phone?
Even when you do not have reliable phone signal
And speaking on the phone
Even the thought of speaking on the phone
Makes you anxious
I have had such a hard week
I needed this phone call today
Wednesday seems such a long way away
Today I should be 20 weeks pregnant with the baby I miscarried
And I am missing Tilda too
I would give anything for an easy life right now
I would give anything for a cuddle from someone who genuinely cares about me
And is older than the age of six
Days like today I wish I drank alcohol
Or had some vice to turn to
Instead I will pack up a picnic and take the children to their classes
And smile at everyone I ,meet
Pretending that all is okay
Wrestling inside with grief
And anxiety
And trying to work out in my head
How I am going to make this all work
Dear Jennie,
Up until now I never commented and always followed you silently. (English isn’t even my native language). But today I’d like to wish you strength and that one day, you feel better and have more coping strategies to help you in your situation. I believe that counselling will help you immensely and I am sure that you have the strength to be the person you want to be. You have managed so much already. I hope that the picnic with your children brightens up the day in the end and it ends on a positive note!
Oh Jennie – hugs! You’ll get there. Why don’t you drink alcohol? Wine o’clock is my saving grace as a parent! Haha xxx
I have no idea why counselling requires an initial telephone consultation. I’ve dealt with two mental health services, one in London then one in Cardiff. The former insisted on a telephone assessment, which felt very formal and made me very anxious, much as you’ve described.
The counsellor I ended up seeing here in Cardiff did not do a telephone assessment. She did give me a quick call to establish when would be best for me to see her and that was it, I didn’t have to discuss my problems on the phone at all, which I really appreciated. Given that telephone calls are such a common source of anxiety, I really think mental health services should stop insisting on having them.
I’m sorry you’ve had such a difficult beginning to counselling. I hope that it goes more smoothly for you now. I’m sorry you’re feeling low. I totally understand how difficult putting on a happy front for your children can be.
If I could give you a big hug I would. Sadly all I can offer are words on the internet.
I hope you have better days coming xxx
Keep strong – we’re thinking of you.