In 4 weeks time
Christmas will be over
2017 will be dawning
And we will be
Another year further away
From the 9 months we had Baby Tilda in our lives
This year
My 40th year
Matilda Mae would have turned 5
In May 2017 we will welcome our new baby
All being well
Around the time our beautiful Tilda
Would have been turning 5
When the decorations come down
And the year of 2016 has ended
We begin another countdown
The 33 days that in 2013
Were Matilda Mae’s last days
The days before she died
The days before our 9 month old baby
Just died
The days do not ever get easier
Birthdays, anniversaries, special occasions
They hurt the most
But I miss my baby every day
In our house we talk about Tilda every day
She is one of us
And she always will be
A daughter
A sister
One of us
As much a part of our family
As anyone of your children is to you
And that is why
When Christmas comes around
I find it incredibly hard
When Matilda is not acknowledged and remembered
Our Christmas Star
We see close family and friends throughout the festive season
And very few people ever mention her name
Christmas is indescribably hard for us
David and I want to make it the best Christmas ever
For our living children
But Tilda is always missing
From every table
From every party game
From every giving and receiving of presents
And it hurts like hell when friends and family
Do not recognise that our daughter should be there
Alongside all the living children
It would mean the world to us
It would mean so much
For any sign that you know she is missing
A part of us is missing
One of us is missing
I know it is not easy to talk about dead people
Perhaps especially a baby
But there are little things that people can do
Little things
That would make a BIG difference
To grieving parents
And siblings too
And yes
We are almost 4 year on from the day she died
But we are still grieving
For our beautiful baby daughter who died
Remember Our Baby by …
Going outside together as a family and blowing bubbles to the sky
Lighting a candle at the start of Christmas dinner and leave the candle burning to remember
Making a toast in her memory
Write our baby’s name in our Christmas cards
Tell us that you remember her and that you know we must find Christmas hard without her
Give us a small token of remembrance … a star for our tree, a pebble for her garden, a photo you have of her
Do an act of kindness in her name and tell us about it
Light a candle for our daughter when you go to church
Say her name, Matilda Mae, say our baby’s name
If you have a friend like me
A relative like me
If you know someone surviving the holidays
With one or more of their children missing
Whatever you do this Christmas
Do not do nothing
Do something!
Let us know that our children are not forgotten
At Christmas
At all!
Let us know that our baby is remembered
That you remember
It will mean so much more than you know
And perhaps make Christmas just a little more bearable
I wrote MM on the beach at Whitby last week for Matilda Mae. She’s not forgotten. Xx
I think this is an important message to get out there. I know I’m terrible at speaking to people about their grief because I haven’t experienced losing someone and I worry that I’d only say the wrong thing and make everything worse somehow.
Having an idea of what would make things more bearable for a family in grief is such a help to those of us wanting to help but not knowing how to.
Thank you for this post. And I will think of you and your entire family this Christmas, including Matilda Mae.
Thank you Jennie. Since following you I have become better at talking to people about their lost loved ones – a friend I have known for nearly 30 years finally spoke more about her first born who only survived days, and I understood more about the burden she has been carrying for so many, many years.
When I see stars, especially on clothes, and amazing sunsets, I do think of Matilda…
What lovely suggestions Jennie.
We always buy toys to give to the children’s toy appeal that our radio station do every year for the children who won’t get much on Christmas morning. I’m going to buy an extra one this year and donate it in honour of Matilda Mae x x
xXx
Hi
I have just read about your beautiful baby Matilda. My god daughter Lillie Rose,died at 4weeks old. Lillie has a box and at special family occasions her mummy puts things into it. Lillie had an older sister,who was only 18mths but as,little,as she was she knew sister was gone. Despite the grief her mummy,and Daddy have handled it beautifully her little grave has things on from her big sister I bought Millie and Kadi a star on a night kadi blows a kiss and says night night to Lillie. Kadi is four now and is to get a baby brother in March what breaks my heart is that she has said that she doesn’t want Lillie to be an angel that twinkles when she lights her star, she doesn’t want to water her plants in the garden and she doesn’t want to go to her special garden,and put flowers and toys she wants to have her sister back to play with.
What you have said is so right for Christmas I’ve bought for kadi we are releasing a merry Christmas balloon for Lillie Rose and baby brother tummy bump has got a parcel too.
The idea of lighting a candle to burn throughout Christmas dinner I’m going to pinch and pass on to the family I think that is such a lovely idea.
Tilda is a beautiful baby and she’ll be having fun in the angel nursery in heaven with Lillie and all the other beautiful precious angels
Bless you all this Christmas and hundreds of happy thoughts are sent to Matilda. God bless you precious angel
Beautiful words and an important message. I think people who have never experienced the loss of a child fear that mentioning the child will hurt the parent more. You post taught me it’s not going to do that, they will be thinking about it anyway and it could bring comfort to know that others are thinking about them too. I will light a candle this Christmas dinner in remembrance of our loved ones and I will think of matilda and your family. Peace and love x