21 weeks pregnant

Over half way

On a journey of growth and change

For my body and my mind

For our family

I am growing a tiny human

And I am so honoured and excited

I am also terrified

That something might go wrong

This is our fifth baby

I am 40 years old

I am high risk in a range of ways

And yet physically at the moment

I am feeling okay

I know that the second trimester

Is the one

Where the ‘glow’ is at it’s greatest

But I just love being pregnant

I feel more confident with my bump

Than I ever do without

I have even found myself thinking

This past couple of weeks

Maybe just maybe

We could do this again?

I am starting to wonder

If I will ever feel done

But I must focus

One baby

One pregnancy at a time

Sprinkle seems to be growing well

As far as I am able to tell

I can feel her moving now

Especially in the evening

When the children are in bed

And I am quiet and still

I am trying to make the most of these times

To bond with our baby

And to treasure the feeling of those wriggles and kicks

Those precious first communications

With our new baby

I am not finding it easy to say that she will be our last

Eeek!

At 21 weeks

I am loving dressing my bump

I am loving tops, skirts and chunky tights

Though decent winter maternity tights

Are SO hard to find!

At home I am in leggings and long tops

And my super soft and comfy maternity pyjamas

From The Essential One

I think that one of the reasons

I am feeling so okay at the moment

Is that David is around a lot

We are all at home a lot over the holidays

So parenting is very much shared

More so than usual

I am wondering if I will start to feel the strain

Once term begins again

And we are back at all our classes

I know that the third trimester

If we are lucky enough to get that far

Is likely to be tiring and potentially tricky

For me as an older mum

I am aware that already

I am carrying Sprinkle very low

I carried Bea low and the last few weeks of her pregnancy

Really hurt

I am also aware that things are going to be tough emotionally

Sprinkle shares all her key dates with Matilda Mae

Having another May baby is not going to be easy

I have no idea how to prepare myself for those key dates and milestones

If and when they come

I am saying if and maybe and if we are lucky enough

A lot lately

I am worried that our sprinkle of stardust

Will not stay

Once you have experienced infant loss

And multiple miscarriages

The fear of losing again never ever goes away

My symptoms at this very moment are slight

Some mild constipation

Problematic piles!

Restless legs in the evening

And waking through the night

But all these things are niggles

And part of being pregnant

And I love being pregnant

I really do

And at the moment I am enjoying growing Sprinkle

I am falling a little more in love with her everyday

And I cannot wait to meet her

Whatever happens now

I am hers

She is mine

She is ours

And we are all very aware of her every day

Bea plays peekaboo with my bump

Which is very sweet indeed

Esther and William ask lots of questions

About when she will be here

And what she will be able to do

I cannot believe that

All being well

In a little over 4 months

We will have our Sprinkle here

Our daughter

Our sister

Our sprinkle of dust from the stars