As a teacher
I thought I would find home schooling so easy
But I am also a human being
A pregnant human being
And I am tired and lonely
And after a rough few days of poorly children
And not nearly enough sleep for the last 5 nights
I am exhausted
Emotional
And not sure I want to carry on
With anything
Let alone homeschooling
I am living in constant fear
That I am letting my children down
Days like today I am a truly rubbish mum
Because I so desperately just want to be on my own
To have some space to breathe
To cry
To catch up on sleep
But I never have any space or time
The only way I can get it
Is by ignoring my children
And hoping that they do not hate me for it
I, like many people, thought I would be natural home educating mummy
But do you know what?
I am not
I find it really really hard
And most days there is not much
If any
Educating going on
I have lots of ideas
I know how I would like our life to be
But I just do not seem to be able to make it work
There is a dark side to home schooling
And it is that you are on your own
I am entirely on my own
For most of every day
The majority of every week
If my children do not learn
It is my fault
If my children are naughty
It is my fault
If they are rude to others or unkind
It is my fault
The buck stops with me
I plan their days
Many days I am the only adult they see
From breakfast til tea time
I really don’t want my children to end up like me
I want so much more for them
They have all been through so much
And they really are lovely little people
And a delight to be around
The skeleton of our home schooling routine
I imagine looks good
From the outside looking in
We have a busy timetable
When we actually do what we are scheduled to do
When not poorly or exhausted
Our days should be like this
Monday – Home until 2.30 then ballet and acro lessons for all
Tuesday – Kinder Gym and Acro Tots for Bea, Tap and Modern Dance for all three children
Wednesday – Beavers for Esther and William
Thursday – Bea goes to a local church toddler group with Granny in the afternoon giving me two hours focused teaching and learning time
Friday – outing day
Saturday – music school for Esther and William including a Music Foundations class, piano lessons and choir
Sunday – we go swimming as a family
I try to do some maths and reading with each of them
Every day
But we do not always manage it
Though David and/or I always read to them
We practise number and letter formation regularly through the week
But mostly they just play
Sometimes with me
Often without me
I am not sure it is enough
I am not sure I am enough
I love planning our learning activities
But often they cannot be carried out as I would like
Bea is a very demanding two year old
Making it very hard to spend one on one time with the older two
This will become easier in February
When Bea will start preschool
For two mornings a week
I am looking forward to having some time with Esther and William
Come May the new baby will be here
But I am looking forward to that time
I know that I can make that work
It is the tough toddler that struggles to allow me time
And I think that preschool will help with that
The most learning
The best learning
I do with Esther and William is when we go to London
To the theatre or to a museum
Or just walking by the river
We have an hour on the train each way to work
And then all the time in London to talk
And soak up the experience we have travelled to the capital for
Those are the highlights of our home education at the moment
Until October
We most liked being outside
In the forest
At the farm
We need to start doing those things again
I need to believe in myself
And my abilities as a mummy
And a teacher
I need to enjoy my children
And make the most of these special times that we have together
I need to sleep
And then set some goals
Of what we want to achieve this year
And where we all want to be by the end of 2017
Educationally and otherwise
If you lived in another country, your children wouldn’t start school until they were 7. My point is, don’t stress about it. They’ll be learning all the time, through whatever they do, because that’s what children do, and you know that. The best learning is through play. And take time for yourself when you can, they won’t hate you for it and they’ll learn to be more self sufficient. Xxx
As Hazel says play is most important to them at this stage. What they cover at school can be achieved in 30-45 mins a day.
Teach them independence and learn to ignore them.
Take it easy for yourself and I suggest going out more. Nature is a great lclassroom.
Jennie, I think you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You’re pregnant and it’s not an easy pregnancy when you’ve suffered previous losses and so much is the media right now. Your body tells you to rest, so rest. Reading all snuggled together covers so much. You can sit with your feet up and read a lovely story to engage the children, look at the pictures and discuss the art and what they like best, discuss the characters and who they prefer and why, perhaps the children can take it in turns to read a page after you’ve read to them or have a go at spelling some of the simple words in the book. You can ask them to have a think and create what might happen next to the characters, count the pages and consider whether the story is long enough, not long enough or just right. They can count the characters in the artwork on a page, or the flowers or stars…anything that catches their eye. You could play eye spy with one of the illustrations, perhaps encourage them to get out paper and pencils or crayons and draw a picture of the story themselves. Maybe the story is set in a particular location and you can talk about where in the world it is, what the weather is like there, would they like to live there….I reckon you can tick off phonics, reading, spelling, creative story-writing, a little geography, some maths and some art just from that one book while you sit and enjoy a snuggle with them and a nice cup of tea.
You are an amazing teacher. I’ve found from 12 years of homeschooling that sometimes we think we’re not doing enough but when we break it down we’ve actually done loads. My children are older now – my eldest two have completed their home education, I’ll be starting the GCSE stage for the third time with my daughter in the autumn and my youngest is going to be 10 this year and nearing the last few terms of KS2. The time flies but it’s a magical and special time to be able to share with your children.
All children will push the limits and see what they can get away with but that doesn’t mean its your fault for them being naughty.
The spring will soon be here and hopefully you can spend more time outside.
I found that online ‘blog’ friends have always been a great support and a way of having a little adult conversation when you’re at home with the children all day. I have been to various HE groups but some didn’t fit our way of doing things and the kids are older and don’t wish or need to attend. They socialise well from activities away from home and are happy individuals, which is all I could ask for.
Don’t beat yourself up. From what I read you’re having a hard time emotionally, you’re juggling twins at different educational levels and a toddler as well as supporting a growing baby and running a home. It’s a fine juggling act and no one way is the right way and each day can differ to the next. Go with the flow and enjoy this precious time with your children.
Sending you understanding hugs xx
There’s no such thing as “just play”! Your best will always be good enough, and the fact that you’re worrying about it means you are doing your best!
They most certainly will not hate you for it, they will love you no matter what but all of this time you are giving them is good for them – it can’t be 24 hours a day, or even 12 hours a day of your undivided attention. I bet if you stop to add it up it would actually be more time with them than you think. All those trips and experiences with them, and then clubs for socialising, it is all most definitely enough, they will be growing up with the knowledge you have being passed on even if that’s not formally in a teaching sort of way. Most of what you’ve written is my fears though, of trying to educate my autistic daughter at home and why I haven’t yet taken the plunge. I know there’d be even more guilt, and I’m not sure I’m ready, even though I don’t think school is the right place for her. So here I am, feeling guilty for not homeschooling… as mums we feel it all either way I think x
I admire you for even attempting it as I know I definitely couldn’t do it! I wouldn’t beat yourself up too much at all, you’ve had a hard week of poorly kids on top of being 5 months pregnant too!
It looks like they are very well rounded children who learn so much more than just being a school would do. Do you have any local people groups with homeschooling people to potentially meet up with one day so that you can bounce ideas off each other etc?
I love my children fiercely. I would throw myself under a bus for them and I would annihilate anyone who tried to hurt them. BUT, we all need our space and time apart and despite home schooling showing some benefits for one of our kids, them attending a nearby school works for all of us. Every educational choice has its pros and cons. But I look forward to the 6 hours between drop off and pick up where I only have to be responsible for me. My head NEEDS that non-child time to achieve other things. And occasionally to just rest as one of our children has chronic insomnia.
Be kind to yourself. Be kind to Sprinkle to take time to just stop and let her grow. Maybe see if there are some formal child care options for Bea in addition to what she is going to start in February. Maybe Esther & William would like to try school again later this year? Which would give you some time with Sprinkle and Bea. Still not ‘restful’ but maybe not juggling so much? Can you hire in an extra set of hands to help with the children so you can rest?
The Mum is the key to most families. If the Mum goes down, everything around them falls apart. Be gentle on yourself, realise you can not and do not have to do everything. You are doing a great job. But decisions can be reviewed and revised if needed and there is no shame in that.