Today I Felt It

Today I felt it.

I felt the snap.

I would like to say that I have controlled it but I don’t think I have.

I think maybe I can though.

I put the babies to bed at 10am and listened as I always do to their monitor as they battled against sleep.

I think Esther actually fell asleep quite quickly. William took the best part of an hour.

I sat and listened.

I was doing other things but I was also listening.

I could feel the bubbling beneath as my nerves began to fray.

Then I felt the snap and I had to stop listening.

I checked for mail.

I considered going out in the garden.

I settled for shutting myself in the bathroom, washing machine on, and vigorously cleaning my teeth.

I know I need to tell David that I need a break soon.

But he is too busy for that.

He is working this weekend.

But I will be alright.

I’ll keep us busy.

I can feel it now though.

It is like a nervous energy has taken over my body.

Has anyone else ever felt like this?

Five minutes of peace over

The boy he sleeps

But now the girl is awake

No rest time for Mummy today x

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Tandem Twin Feeds!

In January 2010 my fiancé, David, and I started our fifth cycle of ICSI in the hope of getting pregnant and having a baby of our own. We were starting to wonder if IVF was ever going to work for … Continue reading 

Answers on a Postcard Please!

Well, this is a new one for me.

It is 4.30am and I have given up trying to get any sleep and come downstairs with Esther.

I went to bed nice and early last night as I know that sleep deprivation is really starting to take its toll on me. I am becoming very grumpy and emotional and I am worried that when my Mum leaves this time next week I am going to struggle to cope on my own again.

Not sure why Esther can’t sleep?

But here we are, 4.30am, in the lounge. Esther playing on her gym and me tapping on my laptop, waiting for the kettle so that I can have a cup of tea. Herbal. I have given up the good stuff for Lent! Bad idea! And biscuits. Supposedly on a diet but needs must!

So anyway, after having this early night I was woken for feeds at 11pm, 12am, 2,40am and I have not been back to sleep since!

I think my total sleep is somewhere in the region of two hours!

William and David are now sleeping soundly. And I just do not know what to do with my wired little girl, or with this problem long term.

Esther and William are 7.5 months old and I am still up every 90 minutes on average at night feeding one or both of them. I feel like I am never going to ever sleep for longer than this again.

They are being weaned now and eat 3 meals, albeit small meals, a day on top of their considerable milk intake.

I don’t think that it is hunger keeping them up at night.

So comfort, or habit?

What do we do to break the cycle? If that is what it is.

David wants me to go away and stay in a hotel for a night, leaving him to feed both babies for a night, even though William has always refused a bottle. He says he will manage with a cup or a syringe.

I am sure that cannot be the answer, short or long term.

Answers on a postcard please. Or in the comments below will do.

Kettle’s boiled.