And so here we are

2017

Before I look forward to the year ahead

I want to look back on 2016

And say a proper goodbye to the year

A year that has passed so quickly

A year that has held a whole lot of heart ache and pain

But some big positives too

It has definitely been a year

Even if it did seem to pass in a minute

Particularly from May to December

2016 just went so fast

Here are some of the things

That I will remember from 2016

Returning to teaching too soon
In September 2015 I returned to teaching

And in January 2016 I resigned

Realising I was not ready to return to the classroom

I missed my family time too much

Resigning was not easy

But I have absolutely no regrets

I know that I made the right decision

For me and for my family

And there is no way now that I will return to school

Until all my own children

Are in full time education

Whenever that may be

See below …

Starting our Home Education adventure

So at the end of the Spring term

I left school

And Esther and William left with me

We began our Home Education adventure

Something we had been thinking about

For a long time

We have not looked back

Our days are slow but full

We are learning so much in so many ways

Together

It has freed up time for the children to do other things

Drama, dance, gymnastics

Beavers

Forest School, pony club

And so much more

I do not think that we will home school forever

But at the moment it is definitely what is right for us

Losing our Maybe Baby
In June 2016

We lost a baby

Again

This time a natural miscarriage

At home

At 7 weeks gestation

An early loss yes

But heartbreaking all the same

Our Maybe Baby

Our Baby That Might Have Been

This loss confirmed to David and I

What in our hearts we already knew

That we wanted another baby

A sibling for our children

A sidekick for Rainbow Baby Bea

Writing a blog post about this little superhero and her need for a sidekick of her very own #toddler #rainbowbaby #bigsistertobe #supergirl #growingfamily

A photo posted by Jennie Edspire (@edspire) on Jan 1, 2017 at 3:05am PST

Falling for our Sprinkle of Stardust
In September I found out that I was pregnant again

With a May Baby

A baby girl

Our Sprinkle of Stardust

Due in May 2017

I will be 22 weeks pregnant on Tuesday

And I am still forgetting some days that I am pregnant at all

But I am

And all being well

Our fifth baby will arrive safely in May

And we will be able to bring her home

Making our house our home
A year ago we started planning our house renovation

7 months ago we moved out of our house

We thought we were moving out for about 3 months

It ended up being over 5

Those months were hard and stressful

They took their toll on all of us

Individually and as a family unit

But all of that is forgotten

Now that we are home

Now that we are back into our newly renovated house

And though there is still much work to be done

To complete the improvements

I can definitely say

There is no place like home

And I am excited for living here

In 2017

Looking from our home #classroom through to the lounge. I love the home we have created. Are creating. There is still so much to do. #housetohome #ourhouse #livingroom #lounge #ourhome #interiors

A photo posted by Jennie Edspire (@edspire) on Dec 30, 2016 at 8:29am PST

Being back in the driving seat
One positive that came from the months of misery

In our temporary accommodation

Is that I am driving again

Since Tilda died I had not really been driving my car

Linked in with my severe anxiety and PTSD

Is a real fear of driving

A fear I have managed to conquer this year

Something I am very proud of

And we are all enjoying the freedom

Me being back on the road brings

I am driving forward

Turning 40

In September it was my 40th birthday

I am now 40 years old

I am a 40 year old

Home educating mummy

With baby number five on the way

Not sure I ever had this vision of me

When I was the younger version of me

But here I am

With my amazing superhero of a husband

And our beautiful children

If Matilda Mae were with us

Life would be pretty perfect I’d say

Turning 40 was good

I have spent quality time with family and friends

And I still have a special party to come

In 2017

Celebrating my 40th and more importantly

What should be Tilda’s 5th birthday

Our baby girl should be five this year

Matilda Mae

She has been with us through the whole year

As she will always be

Our baby in the sky

Our star of the sea

Missing her threads through everything we are

And everything that we do

I feel like I have not done enough in 2016

To honour and remember our daughter

In 2017 I will do better

Matilda Mae is shining bright already this new year

I know that she is with us

As Tilda's candles burn bringing her beautiful light with us into 2017. The first song of the year is angels by Robbie. She is with us #matildamae #newyearseve #newyear #2017 #happynewyear

A photo posted by Jennie Edspire (@edspire) on Dec 31, 2016 at 4:26pm PST

So another year is over

Another 12 months have passed

I wonder what the next 12 months will hold

For all of us?

But before looking forward

One final look back

At the year that was 2016