Four

Four

We got up at 4am

To leave at half past four

To begin the four hour journey

For our fourth May visit

To Coombe Mill Farm

peggy moosic

Four

We ordered four breakfasts

At The Little Chef

Pancakes

Syrup

Breakfasts to share

While beaming Bea

Stood on her chair

Singing Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes

activity hour

Four

Four o’clock

Activity hour

Special, social time at the farm

Colourful memories

Giggles and smiles

Round and round the maypole

Dancing

Creating

Making

Painting

Bright rainbow colours

Purple and pink

maypole dancing

Four

Four ribbon colours on the maypole

Pink and purple

Yellow

Green

We are here on the farm

By her river

Our river

We are here for our daughter

Who should

On Monday

Be turning four

Four

She should be with us

Running

Grinning

Dancing

This is her special place

Was always meant to be

From Christmas Day 2012

When we booked her first birthday holiday

She came with us that first year

Ashes in a boat

And from here she sailed

Four years ago

Four

mm stone

From here she sailed

Across the sea

To the sky

So now we come in her honour

For her memory

For her birthday

hole hearted

We are here on the farm

By her river

Our river

We are here for our daughter

Who should

On Monday

Be turning four

Four

sids and tilda

In The Darkness of the Living Room

In two days Bea will be 20 months old

bea star

She has slept every single night of her life with me

I cannot imagine things having been any other way

But we need to find a way to stop

The darkest part of my days

Is the hour I sit in a pitch black room

Willing a giant baby Bea to fall asleep

In my arms

On my lap

I am still feeding her to sleep

Because physically and emotionally I don’t know how to stop

Yet physically and emotionally this is what I need the most

Feeding Bea to sleep

Sitting motionless on the sofa with her

From 6pm everyday

Is crippling me

Literally crippling me

For the past three days I have been in excruciating pain

In my lower back

All round my hips

Down my thighs and in the back of my knees

I can tell from where it hurts most

That is linked to how I sit while feeding Bea

It is not good for my mental wellbeing either

The darkness of the living room

I get sad and cross and frustrated

The longer it takes Bea to fall asleep

The worse I feel

We do not end our days together well

I want my evenings back

I want my body back

I just wish I knew how

She has never slept in a cot

I do not really mind her being in bed with me

It is the sofa in the evening that is hard

It feels like a huge roadblock

Stopping me

Us

From moving forward

I could spend my evenings doing jobs around the house

Setting up learning and play for the next day

Anything other than feeling totally trapped

Under Bea

I am beginning to really resent the time

Dread the time

It is not good for our relationship

It is not the bonding experience it once was when she was new born

I want us to move to the next stage together

I want to straighten out the kinks

Most notably in my spine!

I dread the darkness falling

I hate our living room

Can anyone please tell me what I should do?

Getting Ready

Maths vocabulary exploring 3d shapes through sensory play Who needs school

Life at the moment is about getting ready Getting ready to leave my job Getting ready to hand over my class Getting ready to go to Spain Getting ready to extend and renovate our house Getting ready to turn 40! … Continue reading 

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