As the Mad Blog Awards draw ever closer I am becoming more and more terrified of the event.
I am very lucky to have a room mate, Emma, who I know will make sure that I actually get to the awards and not stay hiding in my room.
I know that Monika will be keeping a careful eye on me, probably with instruction from Susanne!
I hope that Merry will be wanting to meet me as much as I want to meet her.
And I know that there will be many friendly faces to meet and greet around the room.
But I am still terrified.
I am not even sure how appropriate it is for me to go?
With Tilda gone
And this other baby now waiting to pass too
Perhaps I should not be going at all?
I keep turning it all over and over in my mind.
I feel like I would like to be there.
Tilda was a true blog baby and her life has been punctuated by Mad Blog Awards.
In 2011 I attended with my secret Baby Tilda bump.
In 2012 my Baby Tilda pregnancy earned me a second year as a finalist.
And this year I am a finalist because of her death.
From conception to ashes Tilda’s story is on this blog for all to see
My beautiful beautiful blog baby
I think I want and need to be there
In memory and honour
Of Matilda Mae
I know that I am not going to win an award
And in fact I do not even fit the criteria for the category that I am in
I think there has been a confusion
I think things should be the other way round
It is I that should be presenting an award
To all of you
Every single person reading this post
For your outstanding contribution to a blogger
To me
You all deserve an award for keeping me alive these past 7 and a half months
For all your words and virtual hugs
For all your support and love and care
For being there at the crack of the dawn
For being awake at the darkest point of the night
For calming me when I could not sleep
For allowing me to shout and scream and cry
I have no doubt in my mind at all
That together with my husband and my twins
A few very special friends
My family
Together you have saved my life
You have helped me build a legacy in Baby Tilda’s name
You have stood by my side and shouted her name to the skies
You have written Matilda Mae all over this world
You have blown bubble kisses to the sky
You have given me words when there were none
You have given me hope of a future
You have breathed for me when I could not find breath
You have held me up when I started to fall
I could not have done all I have done
Without you
You have jumped from planes
Baked cakes, walked miles
You have revelled in the delight of messy play
You have made a tiny little life count
And you will not let people forget her name
My baby’s name
And my heart breaks anew every day
Every day brings a new hurt
A new pain
But whatever there is
There is always you
And I thank you with all my heart
For your contribution
Your outstanding contribution
To this blogger
Who is blogging for her life
In loving memory
Of a tiny little life
That ended all too soon
Thank you
All of you
For remembering Matilda Mae
Please know the difference you have made to my life
I cannot think what I would be without you
Thank you x
Oh my goodness I am in tears reading this. You are NOT a finalist because Matilda died, you are there because you write superbly. You do deserve to be there. I SO wish I could be there on Friday but yes, I have ensured that you will be looked after. I can’t wait to tune in to Twitter on Friday!! I’m with you every step xxxxx
You totally and utterly deserve your place Jennie an I really look forward to speaking to you properly on Friday. The very best of luck 🙂 x
Much love Jennie – hope you have a wonderful time on Friday, thinking of you x
Jennie you are a finalist just like you have been the past two years- because people adore your blog. You deserve it more than anything and I hope that you win. Your blog is such a beautiful, heart wrenching story which will help people who have to go through the unthinkable like your family have. But not only that it’s a educational and inspirational resource for parents who want to do activities with their toddlers. I can’t think of a more deserving winner. I am looking forward to seeing you on Friday and I hope that the evening is a chance for you to be with friends and bloggers who care about you. Every day you inspire me and I mean that.
Xx
Hmmm… this is such a lovely post, but I have to correct you on a small point! … To be drawn as a finalist on three different years under three such different sets of circumstances shows one thing: It’s YOU! Your wonderful heart, honesty, your fabulous and generous writing. That’s what makes the finals. You definitely deserve to be there, your incredible legacy of Matilda Mae in this blog MORE than deserves it and Matilda Mae’s wonderful Mummy deserves every single accolade she gets. Pile them on! You of course shouldn’t put more pressure on yourself than you can handle or do anything you’re really uncomfortable with but I think you belong there with MM smiling down so proudly. xxx
Crying already and I know there will be lots of tEars on Friday Jennie. I have yet to meet you but know without doubt that you really deserve to be a finalist and you don’t give yourself enough credit! Despite the very tragic and very sad circumstances over which I discovered your blog, I really enjoy reading it and know you are superb. Matilda Mae would be so proud of you xx
Oh Jennie, I have just re read and saw what I missed, I am so sorry x
I’ll be happy to meet you on Friday Jennie x
You deserve an award-you have done so much to make Tilda’s name forever in so many hearts and thoughts, and write so emotionally and beautifully. I hope you manage to have a good time, I am sure there will be many people there supporting you and helping you along the way xx
Ok now I’m in floods of tears. Jennie you are a strong lady who is going through something no mother should. I hope you win the award because I think you bloomin well deserve it!!!!! Xxxxx
You deserve this. You are fabulous, and you have earned your place. Enjoy it, and all the best x
What a beautiful post!
Jenni, you’re a mum who inspires and educates through the ups and downs of parenting. The fact that you have had to go through the lowest of downs is not why you are a finalist…You are a finalist because you write in such a special way with all honesty and rawness that exposes your heart. Such ‘open-heartedness’ of a mother’s loving heart, allows other mothers to really connect. Congratulations and enjoy the moment. xx
You absolutely, completely, utterly, DEFINITELY deserve to be a finalist Jennie. Your outstanding contribution is the way that you open yourself up so fully on your blog. You let us all in, you let people help you, at a time when many might have pulled down the shutters and disappeared. But your blog is about so much more than the awful things you have had to experience; it is about play, about your amazing twins, about inspiring parents, about writing and sharing, about Matilda’s legacy and about hope. x
Oh Jennie. You absolutely deserve to be there, you are an AMAZING person and a wonderful blogger. I am very much looking forward to seeing you on Friday. xxx
Great news, you deserve it!!!
You so deserve this award!! You have made a difference to so many people by writing about your gorgeous Matilda, about you, your family and about what you’ve been through and are going through. You write from the heart eloquently and honestly. And it is us who should be thanking you for that. xxx
It’s your writing that has you this place; part of that is your writing about Tilda but it is mostly because you are an excellent and inspirational blogger.
I’m going to be very happy to lose to you Jennie 🙂
And delighted to meet you. I hope fate makes things work out in a way that means you can come.
xxx
You derserve to be there Jennie. You are an inspiration. I hope you win your award. I will be there to cheer for you.
You deserve the award for your beautiful writing. You are so brave, enjoy your evening xx
You have a wonderful blog that we all loved before Matilda Mae passed and we still love it, and you, now. Try to enjoy Friday, for every finalist is a winner already, a part of a fabulously supportive family of writers and we will all be looking out for you.
Much love
H x
You so deserve your place!! You are so brave!! Try to enjoy Friday!! xxxx
Just to echo everyone here. You absolutely deserve to be a finalist. X
Oh this post has made me cry! But you 100% deserve your place at these awards. And Tilda will be right beside you all the way. I’ll be rooting for your Jennie xxx
You deserve everything Jennie. Every thing. I hope you have a wonderful time on Friday. X.
You’re not a finalist because Tilda died. You are a finalist because of your incredible writing. Posts like this, that create emotion in the reader and show all your own emotions. You are a finalist because of all the posts you wrote, before and after Tilda. You are a finalist because of your amazing photos, the way you share every part of yourself, the truth and beauty in all your words. Your blog is outstanding, your words are outstanding, YOU are outstanding and you inspire every single one of us. You deserve to be there, and I will hold your hand every step of the way! xxxxx
Ask Francine Bates, ask Bliss, ask that mum who has just lost their baby who finds you on Twitter or your blog.
Ask one of the bloggers who has posted about Matilda, who retweeted during her funeral, who plays Starlight loudly and often hoping she might hear.
Ask the companies who produce dresses or bags wanting to honour your daughter.
You have put your heart and soul into making Matilda’s life matter, to have a purpose, to be remembered.
No one has given more to blogging than you. No one.
You have the whole of the blogosphere and importantly beyond talking about SIDS.
No one has made such an outstanding contribution.
As one of your fellow nominees I would have been sick in my stomach had you not won. That award is yours.
Honour and cherish it. It cost you so much, but it is yours.
You are amazing.
Oh bless you Jennie, and I’m so glad you won – how could you not? You’re an incredible inspiration, although you should not have to be, you are xx