Growing A Rainbow Part One

My body cannot hide it anymore

I have been so scared about making this announcement

But know it is something I need to do

I cannot pretend that it is not happening

Not anymore

It is time to face the reality

That we are pregnant

I will not write that we are having a baby

I am not that presumptuous

I cannot be

I dare not be

I have watched from the sidelines

As people happily and excitedly announce that they are expecting

That happiness and excitement has been robbed from me

But I am growing a rainbow

A little glimmer of hope

And I hope that one day you will meet her

I hope one day that we will meet her

And I hope that she will live

I am growing a rainbow

A little glimmer of hope

And all being well

She will paint the world with her glorious colours

Around the 6th of August this year.

There is so much I have to tell you

So much I want to say

But for now


I am growing a rainbow

And please please

Do not forget about Matilda Mae x

growing rainbow

99 thoughts on “Growing A Rainbow Part One

  1. This is amazing and wonderful!! Congratulations to all of you. (I did sort of wonder when I met you at the weekend if I’d somehow missed this announcement!). Allow yourself to be excited, it doesn’t mean that you love Matilda-Mae any less or that anyone touched by her life will forget her. Wishing you a fantastic pregnancy. xx

  2. I am so happy for you & your family! Finally, a little glimmer of good news xxxxxxx
    We will never, forget Matilda Mae, how could we, she has touched our hearts & left little pink handprints on them xx

  3. Oh Jennie, reading this has brought tears to my eyes I am so so happy for you – that MM will have the chance to live on through you and through this new baby girl. Totally understand your nervousness and cautiousness, especially as someone who lost two babies before I was lucky enough to have my two gorgeous girls, but I will be keeping everything crossed for you to have a healthy pregnancy, a healthy baby, and you and she and MM will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Take good care of yourself now and anytime you need anything, all you need to do is ask, sending lots of love and the biggest of hugs xxxx

  4. I am so happy for you Jennie – Matilda Mae has sent you a little piece of her heart. We will never ever forget Matilda Mae and I am so so so happy that you have a glimmer of hope in your tummy! The best news I have heard in so long. You deserve this so much – keep well special mummy xxx

  5. Growing a rainbow – what a beautiful way to describe such happy news. A bright splash of colour through the rain.
    Huge congratulations & best wishes for a happy and healthy pregnancy x

  6. I’m so so pleased to read this post. I know how scared you are about it, after everything you have been through. I won’t be presumptious enough to offer bland reassurances that it will be ok this time because I can’t. But you’re right, it’s a glimmer of hope you’re carrying. A rainbow.
    But it does not mean we will forget Tilda or expect you to love and miss her any less
    Sending massive love and hugs to you all xxxx

  7. We could never, ever forget Matilda Mae. And she would be happy for your family.

    I did wonder when I saw you on Saturday but didn’t want to intrude with a question. Congratulations, and huge good luck coming your way xx

  8. Eek I am so so so so happy for you. I will never forget Matilda, ever ever ever. I read your previous post last night about the necklace and as I was falling asleep I hope and wished it was true that you were seeing a rainbow. Wow. Loads of love xxx

  9. That is just fantastic news Jennie! As everyone has said before, nobody will forget about Matilda Mae. She’ll be looking over you all and making sure your little rainbow is healthy and well.


  10. I am so happy for you all Jennie. When I read this post tears of happiness filled my eyes. You have been through so much and, rest assured, your beautiful angel Matilda Mae will never be forgotten – EVER! I hope you have a lovely midwife who can offer help, love and support during your rainbow baby pregnancy xxx

  11. Congratulations Jennie! That’s such brilliant news.

    I’ve only been blogging for a little while but I can see how much Matilda has affected everybody in the blogging community and beyond. Reading your story has affected anyone who has read it, myself included. I don’t think it would be at all possible for her to be forgotten, ever.

  12. Oh Jennie I’m so happy for you all and keeping everything crossed or you that nothing but good things will happen for your beautiful family in the future. I’m sure MM had something to do with sending this special rainbow to you and she will shine through the new member of your family in every way. None of us will ever forget MM xxxx

  13. Jennie I’ve just seen this on Twitter, and sent you a ridiculously excited tweet for which I apologise, but I’m dancing around the kitchen with joy for you. I saw the most gorgeous rainbow on Monday and I immediately thought of you – how strange is that? Please don’t think that this will mean we will forget Matilda Mae – she will live on forever thanks to you. Huge hugs xx

  14. Congratulations on your fantastic news. I can not imagine the pain and hurt you are going though, but just wanted to say that I understand that a new baby will not be able to replace MM or mean that she is forgotten in anyway, but I do hope that this rainbow child enables you to start seeing the light. It is like the saying that you have to be in the dark to see the stars. They are still there in the daylight and will always be there.

  15. Congratulations Jennie! This is such lovely news, I’m so happy for you and wishing all the best.
    No one will forget Matilda Mae, no matter how many children you have she will always be an important part of your family and in all of our hearts xx

  16. I am so happy for you Jennie. I’ve been hoping you’d be writing a post like this some time soon. Thinking of you, your rainbow and of course Matilda Mae x

  17. Jennie this has made me smile. Congratulations to you all. Matilda Mae will never be forgotten. We were blowing bubbles yesterday and I instantly thought of you both. Lots of love xxxxxx

  18. I won’t say congratulations – not yet. I will say good luck to you all, that seems more fitting for you right now. I wish you the very best of luck, and hope that things go well for you. I will keep my fingers crossed.

  19. What wonderful news Jennie. I can understand your nerves and superstition but I know that Tilda will be looking down on your rainbow baby. None of us will ever ever forget Baby Tilda you can be sure of that. I have tears in my eyes for you all. xx

  20. Oh congratulations Jennie, I’m so thrilled for you. And I was only thinking the other day that I wondered if you might be, not sure why, just a funny wondering.
    Please know that Matilda will never never NEVER be forgotten. But please also allow yourself to be excited for your rainbow baby, what a precious gift. x

  21. Jennie – what wonderful news. Am certain Tilda will be delighted wherever she is. Can promise she will never be forgotten by us. Hope you are feeling well. Sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers x

  22. I want so much to wish you well. I know it is scary, and I dare not try to advise you to be positive. But I hope this will help. My brother died at just over 2 months old of SIDS. He was meant to be the third and last baby. My parents were obviously devastated. But when the dust settled, my mother got pregnant with me. My dad was so scared that he almost left her. He didn’t think he would be able to love me. Or that they could ever handle a baby who wasn’t Jacob. But they did. They loved me with all that they had. And in the end, they even went on to have one more – my brother. Yes, they were a little over protective. And it was hell for them when my little brother turned out to be quite sickly. But both of us were fine. We grew up knowing all about our brother and we have given our parents beautiful grandkids. My mother has always said the only way to look is forward. I don’t know what else to say except that I’m thinking of you, sending you strength and happiness.

  23. Beautiful news! Of course Tilda will never be forgotten, this is just another chapter in your family’s life to celebrate – Matilda Mae will always be a part of your family, looking down on you all. I’m so happy for you Jennie xx

  24. Many congratulations! So pleased for you all, a lovely new addition on the way! Have you looked into hypnobirthing as a way of building fresh positive connections with little rainbow? Its not just about the actual birthing part x

  25. Sobbing with delight for you and your family – what delightful news!

    Matilda will not be forgotten she will be a big sister, blessing this rainbow for all time. Congratulations to you all! xxx

  26. Oh Jennie, such beautiful, amazing news. I am beaming.
    We will never forget Matilda Mae, never. She will look down with big sisterly love on your rainbow baby and live on in you all.

  27. Jennie, I am so delighted for you. Huge congratulations to you on this glimmer of hope you are carrying. I want to see this rainbow with its beautiful colours in a few months time. I hope you are keeping well xxx

  28. I am so pleased for you Jennie. Like many of us, I’ve followed your journey over the last year or so. I’ve cried with you, felt your pain jumping out of my laptop and wished more than anything that I could do something. We’ll never forget your beautiful baby girl x x

  29. Jennie, we don’t know each other but I read
    your blog. I actually cried when I read this post, I’m so happy for you! Such lovely news, that you so deserve xx

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