Christmas is a time for families to be together
For sorrows and worries to be forgotten
A festival of merriment
A time for hope and cheer
A time to reflect on what has been
And what is yet to come
Christmas is about a mother and her baby
Christmas is about heaven and angels and stars
Christmas is about peace
Christmas is about coming home
Christmas is not fun for everyone
Christmas can be unimaginably hard
Last year I would not have Christmas music in our house
Last year I did not need to explain death to my 3 year old twins as they watched The Snowman and The Snow Dog
They knew all too well what it meant for the boy if his dog had died
Last year I could not face Christmas dinner with one person missing from the table
Last year I did not have the strength or courage to pretend
This year I will
I have to
Esther and William are a little older
It is not their fault
Their baby sister died
They deserve to have magical Christmas moments
That will become treasured Christmas memories
I owe them that
But if you see me this Christmas smiling
Know inside my heart is breaking
Christmas is about children
And one of mine is not here
One of mine never can be here
One of mine is missing always
And missed immensely at Christmas time
I will be the mummy sobbing at the school nativity
As Away in a Manger is sung
I will be the mummy in church
Whose tears fall on her baby’s head
As she tries to sing the words to Silent Night
I will be the mummy staring at a garden
Filled with festive lights
Hoping they can be seen by her daughter up in heaven
I will be the mummy trying to hold in the need
To shout out loud my baby’s name
And ask of all the happy people
Have you forgotten? She should be here!
I will be the driver one moment singing along to the car stereo
One moment pulled over too sad and angry to drive
I will be the one when it is over
Physically and emotionally exhausted
Trying to find the courage and strength to face another new year
Without her baby girl
Christmas is a time for families to be together
For sorrows and worries to be forgotten
A festival of merriment
A time for hope and cheer
A time to reflect on what has been
And what is yet to come
Christmas is about a mother and her baby
Christmas is about heaven and angels and stars
Christmas is about peace
Christmas is about coming home
Christmas is not fun for everyone
Christmas can be unimaginably hard
Faithful friends who are dear to us
gather near to us once moreThrough the years we all will be together
If the Fates allowHave Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
Bless all the dear children in thy tender care,
And take us to heaven, to live with Thee there.
Away In A Manger
Holy infant so tender and mild,
Sleep in heavenly peace,
Sleep in heavenly peace
Silent Night
Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love light gleams
I’ll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams
If only in my dreams
I’ll Be Home For Christmas
I’m dreaming of a White Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow.
White Christmas
I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There’s just one thing I need
I don’t care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you.
All I Want For Christmas Is You
O holy night,
The stars are brightly shining;
Holy Night
Oh Jennie. I’ve just read this with tears in my eyes. I’ve never really thought about the lyrics to the xmas songs, but they have taken on a whole new, and poignant, meaning. Tilda has touched so many people in so many ways – I see stars and immediately think of her, and Christmas is a time full of stars, so she and you guys, will be in my thoughts more than ever. xx
You’ve probably seen his before, but I found it and thought of you. Please please don’t think this means you should be feeling better by now, it really doesn’t. I can’t imagine how hard this time of year, in fact all times of year, must be for you and your family.
LOVE YOU FROM HEAVEN
~ Author Unknown
As I sit in heaven
And watch you everyday
I try to let you know with signs
I never went away
I hear you when you’re laughing
And watch you as you sleep
I even place my arms around you
To calm you as you weep
I see you wish the days away
Begging to have me home
So I try to send you signs
So you know you are not alone
Don’t feel guilty that you have
Life that was denied to me
Heaven is truly beautiful
Just you wait and see
So live your life, laugh again
Enjoy yourself, be free
Then I know with every breath you take
You’ll be taking one for me…
I’m reading this post through tears. I can’t imagine facing Christmas as you are. My heart goes out to your family. Such beautiful pictures of Matilda too.
Also reading with tears.
Never forgotten #MatildaMae beautiful girl xx
I’ve just read this and have tears streaming down my face. I’m dreading my first Christmas without my beautiful boy, Christmas 2013 was the best Christmas I’ve ever had and ever will have again regardless of what may happen in the future. I could win the lottery and have 10 babies but that hole in my heart will still be there.
I was in Tesco the other day and that terrible song ‘Stay Another Day’ by East 17 came on and had me welling up, it’s ridiculous. This year Christmas is just another day to get through x
Beautiful, heartbreaking, and full of such love for your darling baby girl. I am holding you and your family in my thoughts. This season can be brutal…. I hope you find the room to continue to grieve and love your sweet baby in the midst of the busyness, and that those around you are sensitive and thoughtful.
-Janel