At 40 years old

I am trying to make peace with the fact

That this will be our last baby

This will be the last time

I have a lovely big bump

The last time I will feel the wriggles and kicks

Of a secret life inside of me

I am ready for our family to be complete

I want to focus now on the children that we have

I want the direction of our adventures to change course

I am ready

But I am also very sad

I love being pregnant

I love giving birth

The excitement

The anticipation

I love having a newborn baby

I am going to miss pregnancy

I am going to miss the haze of baby daze

And because I know that I will struggle to let this part of my life go

I know it will be sad for this chapter to close

I am also ready

And excited

About the next twist in our plot line

I am ready to start making plans

I am going to cherish this last baby

Esther, William and Bea are all so excited about her

So looking forward to meeting their little sister

I am looking forward to a lovely family summer

Getting to know the final piece of our puzzle

I am ready

I will still struggle I know

But I am ready for this baby to be our last

And this final trimester of this final pregnancy to be just that

A finale

With that in mind

I am looking now at ways of making the most

Of the next 9 or 10 weeks

I am 30 weeks pregnant tomorrow

Here is my list of things to do

Before our baby girl is born

Maternity Photo Shoot

I am hoping that I might be able to have a professional photo shoot

But if that is not possible

Then I am going to spend some time with David

Doing little mini shoots on our own

There are a few reasons for this

One is that I want to remember my pregnant body

Many years from now

I want to remember the amazing miracle of my babies

Growing inside of me

I also want to stop being frightened

Of my age, my flabby bits, my physical and emotional scars

I want to celebrate my body

And all it has been through

I want to show other women

Who may struggle with body confidence and self esteem

I want to empower women to believe

That no matter your shape, your size, your scars

You are beautiful

You are amazing

And you should not be ashamed of your body

I am beginning to grow very proud of mine

4D Scan

Next week we have been given the opportunity

To do something very special

We are having a family 4D bonding scan

David and I

Esther, William and Bea

Are going to have a bonding scan

A 4D scan

Where we might get an idea of what our bump baby looks like

It is a 15 minute experience

Enabling us to see our baby on screen

I think it will be strange for the children to see

But I also think it will make things feel more real for them

As they will see their baby sister on the screen

I am so very grateful to Ultrasound Direct in Maidstone

For giving us this special family experience

Mummy and Bump Bath Time

I have not had a bath for over 7 years

I stopped having baths when we were having IVF treatment

And have never had one since

I think when pregnant

I worry about harming the baby

With IVF it was fear of harming the eggs I think

But now I would like to start having some bump bonding time

Just once a week

In the bath

I think it would be a nice way to relax

And a special quiet time

To savour kicks and wriggles

I am hoping to find some nice bath products at The Baby Show

That are kind and gentle to pregnant skin

And that can also be used with newborns

With our daughter when she comes

I am looking forward to those baths

I need to get on and start having them

Before it is too late

Weekly Photos and Updates

I am trying really hard to take lots of photos this pregnancy

Esther is my photographer

And she is really very good

Tomorrow I will write my 30 week update

And for the rest of this final trimester of my last pregnancy

I am going to record my thoughts and feeling s on a weekly basis

I do not ever want to forget the weeks that lead to the completion of our family

The last weeks ever of having a bump

I want to be able to look back on them for always

Be Organised and Give Away Maternity Bits

As well as wanting to look back

I want to start looking forward

There are some maternity clothes now

That I will never wear again

Christmas jumpers

Smaller sized items

Winter clothes that are not suitable for breastfeeding

Those things now

I am starting to sort through and give away

Just as from now on as William grows out of his gorgeous clothes

I will begin to give those away

It is with great sadness that these things will leave our home

But I cannot keep them forever

Not with our children growing

And needing more and more space of their own

I am going to be organised

I am going to be disciplined

And things I know that I will not use again

I am going to give away

Apart from selected treasures

That will be kept alongside

Our precious bits and pieces

From our forever baby

Matilda Mae

I am going to try my best to savour every moment

And with Matilda Mae in my heart

I am going to look forward to what comes next

The lovely haze of Rainbow Baby daze

But first 10 more weeks of bump

My lovely baby bump

My final

My last

Pregnant baby bump