I have known for a while that tomorrow will be the day

The day that labour will be induced

And our fifth and final baby will begin to make her journey

From my womb to my arms

I have to admit that the date has crept up on us

We are not as ready as I thought we might be

Bea still sleeps in our bed at night

The cots and cribs are still in their packaging

We have not had a test run with the car seat

The house is still in a post party state

And emotionally we are all still reeling from Tilda’s birthday

The situation has not been helped with me not having a car

Our routine has been disrupted for weeks

And I feel like we are all a little all over the place

I am also very worried about being at home alone

For much of the time

With four children under 7

A midwife we met today said that our life is about to get interesting

And it is

And she does not know that we home educate!

I feel like I have not had any time to work out

Just how we are all going to fit together

With this newest, last piece of our puzzle

I am also feeling that an emotional me

Struggling with my confidence

Struggling with this family transition

Struggling with the physical and emotional affects of giving birth

Is going to be a burden

And the main person to shoulder that burden is David

And I cannot let that happen

David needs to work

More than with any of our previous children

He needs me to recover quickly

And be ready to run our house and family

As soon as physically and emotionally possible

So that he can focus on his work

To pay the bills

And I know that this is normal for lots of families

But it is not normal for us

It has not been our normal in the past

Along with logistics

There is also the connection with Matilda Mae

The first nine months of our new baby’s life will follow Tilda’s milestones

To within a couple of days

I think that it is going to be sad and tough

It was hard enough seeing Bea

But we did it

And she is so loved

Just as this new baby will be

I am also dealing with the fact

That this is my last pregnancy

Our last baby

Which I know is the right decision

For me

For our family

But it is still hard to get my head and heart around

I had hoped that today I would have had some time

To think about these things

To process some of these feelings

But Sprinkle had other ideas

Early this morning I had an appointment with my midwife

A final check of baby

And a sweep

I told her that I thought perhaps baby was not moving as much as she should

At first my lovely midwife told me to go home

Have a cold drink and lie on my side

To see if baby moved

She then measured my bump

Felt the baby’s position

And performed the sweep

Through all of this I could tell that something was not quite right

She told me that my cervix was short and favourable

That I was 2cm dilated and she could stretch me to 3cm easily

She said that she could feel my waters

And that she could break them with a hook if needed

She also felt baby’s head so baby is nice and low

But through all of the poking and prodding

Sprinkle did not move

And in the end she asked me to go straight to the hospital

To be monitored

We had heard the baby’s heartbeat

With accelerations and decelerations

But she said that sometimes hearing the heatbeat is not enough

The baby’s movements are a more accurate measure of distress

So she called ahead to Triage

I raced home to get my bags and David

And off to hospital we went

Thankfully baby was fine

Moving and kicking away

It seems that she is back to back with me

So I need to spend some time tonight and tomorrow

Trying to move her

To try and get her into an optimum position for birth

I have never had a back to back labour before

And I really do not want one

So will be on all fours

And bouncing on my ball

And trying all manner of things to get Sprinkle to move in time for delivery

Today has been a very emotional day

A day of planning and preparations

A day of getting me ready

And things for the children ready

Tomorrow will be up early to shower

And have a good breakfast with our little people

Before heading to the hospital

To only come home again

Once we have our little girl

I am so scared

But so excited

To finally meet

One way or another

Our Sprinkle of Stardust

10 years after meeting David

And falling head over heels in love with this amazing man

10 years in the making

In the next few days

Our family will be complete