Reminder to self: One beautiful daughter is an angel but this beautiful daughter is here with you and needs her mummy more than ever. Esther and William are 31 months old today!
Sibling Sunday: Esther
Toddler Tilda?
Today has been a difficult day for David and I. Our beautiful niece turned two and we spent all afternoon with family at her party. It was a lovely afternoon and Esther and William had a wonderful time with all … Continue reading
Memories of Matilda Mae
Today is Saturday. It has been three weeks since we found our beautiful baby daughter sleeping. Every Saturday on this blog I am going to share a memory of Matilda Mae, either my own or one that someone has kindly … Continue reading
Perfect Pair for Big Jigs Play Patrol
I have been back and forth arguing with myself about whether or not to write this post but I am a mummy of three children and two of them need me more than ever right now, they also deserve to … Continue reading
Messy Play: Dinosaur World
At the moment we are loving experimenting with messy play. With sensory play. I recently made Dinosaur Lands for Esther and William inspired by The Imagination Tree. Yesterday I decided to extend that activity to create a Dinosaur World in … Continue reading
Trying to Say Goodbye
My dearest darling Matilda Mae I tried to say goodbye to you today We came to the place your body is resting But you were not there There lay an empty shell That your soul and spirit had borrowed a … Continue reading
Things We Must Never Forget: A Non Scary Post About Matilda Mae
Her beautiful smile Her infectious giggle Her determination to get the things she couldn’t have. Her love of the camera especially as a teething accessory! Her love of lights! How when you walked in or out of her room, when … Continue reading
Bodiam Castle and Missing Tilda Mae
Today was a glorious sunny day, crisp and cold and bright. We went to explore Bodiam Castle, a place very special to us as it is where David proposed to me a few years ago. Today it was a place … Continue reading
Sibling Sunday: Memory Shoes
Yesterday we took Esther and William for A Day Out With Thomas at our local steam railway. They had a wonderful time and wore some very special shoes for the occasion. Beautiful soft leather elephant shoes from Livie and Luca. … Continue reading
Two Weeks Dead and Thomas
Matilda Mae has been gone from us for two weeks.
It has been two long weeks since she died.
Long and yet no time at all.
She was inside of me for exactly 9 months, with us for exactly 9 months and it does not feel like it will be long before she will already be 9 months gone.
Two weeks dead.
Two weeks that ours has been a house of sadness.
A family with a broken heart.
But we have to carry on as best we can and make the world a better place for Esther and William.
They desperately need our love, crave our attention and deserve some fun.
Today we took them to see Thomas the Tank Engine at the Kent and East Sussex Railway.
We saw Thomas, met The Fat Controller, rode on a steam train and played with some lovely Thomas toys.
Esther and William had a wonderful time and were really very well behaved.
Even when our 70 minute train ride became over 110 minutes.
What did they do? Play with their imaginary train set of course!!
I was very proud of our little railway children.
Esther and William loved their day out with Thomas and it was wonderful to see their beautiful faces so full of innocent, care free, excitement and happiness.
It healed my heart just a little.
David and I worked hard to be happy for Esther and William today and I thought I had done particularly well but by the time evening began I was spent. I could not focus, I could not bear to be touched, I just needed to hide away and cry.
David’s parents arrived just in time and were able to give Esther and William some tea whilst I sat with David by Matilda’s cot and cried for other train journeys in times gone by.
Love you and miss you every single day
My beautiful darling Matilda Mae
Please please be at peace x