Let Me Out!
Today I am home alone with Esther and William all day.
David left at 8.00am and won’t be back until 5.00pm. I know that people deal with this every day but at 26 weeks pregnant on the coldest day of the winter so far and without a car days like these leave me feeling trapped.
I cannot get out of our village as I cannot fit on a bus with the double buggy and I can only go one way on the train as I cannot lift the buggy over the bridge.
I cannot fit into the shops in our village and though I can take Esther and William to the park I cannot lift them up on to the play equipment that they love to use so much, because of Matilda Bump.
A Health Visitor once implied to me that my fear/dislike of being home all day with Esther and William is a sign of postnatal depression but I am sure it is not that. I think it is because no matter what I do to fill our day they both still seem to get frustrated, particularly in the winter when we are all feeling under the weather.
And that is much of the problem for all of us I think. We have all been ill in one way or another since October 16th! I remember the exact day. The next time I am pregnant it is definitely going to be through the summer!!
But I am waffling. I want to try and explain about my day.
I worry that I do not have enough energy and enthusiasm at the moment to fill a whole day for Esther and William. They are gorgeous lively 18 month old twins. They need constant entertainment and amusement which is fine and I love doing it when I am not poorly myself. I feel like such a bad Mum.
I try to explain how I feel to my husband but he doesn’t understand. How can he? He can lift, he can run, he can drive and has a car and he has never looked after them on his own for a whole day with the knowledge hanging over him that he cannot go anywhere.
But I know there are people who do understand including the lovely Trouble Doubled who has written a similar post that inspired me to share my story today.
I have a lovely day planned out for us and I am determined that we will enjoy it, together. But I just wish I could shift this shadow hanging over me that it will not be good enough and the fear that something will go wrong.
I seem to be suffering from a real lack of confidence at the moment. Before the babies I could entertain and teach thirty 10 and 11 year olds all day so how can two little toddlers be so hard?
We have so many toys of all sizes, shapes and descriptions to aid all aspects of development and ways of having fun.
I should just relax and enjoy my day with my two beautiful children and my lovely growing bump.
And it is silly feeling so sorry for myself really as these days are rather rare. Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are filled with groups and classes. David rarely works away from home and so is always able to help us on and off the train. Tomorrow we are meeting a friend at the local leisure centre for Tumble Time which will be great fun and a chance to catch up with my friend. Then it will be the weekend again.
Hopefully next week I will have my car and then this problem should not need happen again as we will be able to go anywhere we like at any time of day. It will feel so wonderful, we will be so free!
So sorry you feel bad. But I do think its because you have very high standards, so that you feel so bad about not entertaining them every minute. When M arrives they will have to learn to entertain themselves so you could always follow my example and switch CBeebies on, pour a cup of tea and put your feet up with a magazine for a while. I know that sounds awful but she enjoys it and has learned a lot of new words she is also happy to play or colour by herself for ages at a time if I let her.
L now goes to nursery for a morning a week and loves it – do I feel guilty?…well maybe a bit but not half as much as I enjoy going to the gym and having a latte afterwards that I get to drink with no interuptions before it goes cold :-). I am lucky because I have a car but we rarely go anywhere but Tesco as where we live there are no baby classes so we are home alone most days – so I do know that trapped feeling. The only way around it is to let E and W learn to stimulate and entertain each other a bit and make up their own play without you feeling you have to guide them all the time. Take a bit of you time hun as once M arrives you will be torn between three. xxxxx
Thank you x Think E and W will start nursery two mornings a week in September so that I can have some time with M x I think they are more than ready for more than they are getting at home x
Like all my commenters said to me – don’t feel guilty and just try and enjoy the time you are able to spend at home with them. All parents, especially first time ones, feel that they are going stir-crazy for a little while. It’s such a shock being able to go out and about as you wish, and then suddenly having to plan everything in advance like a military operation. It’s easy to see how we all just decide to stay indoors. Thanks for linking up to mine. I’m glad we can all share our experience so we know we are not alone in the world, even if we don’t get to see very much of it from day to day!
I don’t see anything wrong with your wanting to get out & about. We carers can easily get stir-crazy, & so do they. One of us takes our twins to a class or activity every week day & we try to go out as a family, usually to the park or a playground, at least once on the weekend. It seems great for their development, & expert opinion suggests that too.
On Mondays they go to a playgroup with reading & toys at a local nursery. Tuesday I take them to a playgroup with lots of great toys in a big local church hall. Wednesday another Nursery activity, with toys & reading, but also with a different crafting play every week, & singing & signing. They’ve really taken to painting & gluing, & picked up lots of signs: it’s been fantastic for them. Being able to sign, which often comes easier than talking, is a fantastic tool & eases the frustration that children often feel at not being able to express themselves – which means fewer tantrums! Thursday is Tumble Tots, which is their favourite: it’s been brilliant for their physical development, & they love the chance to run around. Jake took his first step at the younger version, Gym Babes, & Ellie that same evening. Friday is a playdate with a local Mum & her little girl of about the same age & her 3yo brother.
Anywhere where they mix with other children & adults is good for their social development; compared to most children their age they’re very sociable, & I’m sure these activities are a major part of it. At home they get a lot of attention, we talk to them a lot, & listen to them as much as we can: that’s also important I think.
In short: going out is good! I don’t think you should feel bad about it, as long as you’re also spending QT with them at home, which I’m sure you are. I think it’s really unhealthy for children to be isolated at home all the time, bad for them especially socially.
Also, if you can afford a front-to-back buggy you should get one. It’s essential for twins, in my opinion. With a side-by-side we couldn’t even get down the road, let alone in shops or busses! We use the iPear, it’s been fantastic.
It must be really tough for you with your ‘bump’ though – hang in there!
Correction: the buggy is called the iCandy Pear
PS (sorry to hog your comments): all but 1 of the activities is walking distance, but we have 2 cars – that also helps. On Tumble Tots day the Mummy takes the small one to her work & leaves me with the one with the carseats 🙂