Dear Matilda Mae

I met your mummy through Bliss. Your brother and sister were born prematurely not long after my premature triplets. Me and your mummy shared a lot in common and we became good friends.

I remember the day that I shared the news with your mummy that I was pregnant. That same day she shared her news with me that she was pregnant with you. A little miracle. Our due dates were around a similar time. We were so excited together. We now had even more in common, we chatted lots and supported each other.

Sadly things for me were not meant to be. A few months later, you were growing in your mummy’s tummy. Growing in to a beautiful baby girl. Your mummy and daddy’s beautiful miracle baby girl. Your mummy is such a loving, strong lady.

A few more months passed again and I was blessed with another pregnancy – a baby girl. I shared the happy news with your mummy, we were both expecting baby girls. We talked about names together and I knew that you were going to be called Matilda Mae. A beautiful beautiful name for a beautiful baby girl.

I remember shedding a tear of happiness on 2nd May 2012 when I heard that you had arrived into the world healthy and safely and term. I was so happy for your family and so proud of your mummy and daddy. The first photo I saw of you I remember saying “she looks just like William”. Your little cheeks and facial expressions. A beautiful baby girl.

I followed your mummy’s blog and looked at the photos, month by month you growing and playing with your wonderful brother and sister. Oh what fun you had. Your gorgeous smile would light up a room and you always warmed my heart when I saw your photo. In June 2012 my baby girl arrived 15 weeks too soon. We named her Martha, a name that I had discussed with your mummy. We needed to pick a middle name for her, we really loved Mae, so we asked your mummy if she would mind us using it and she so kindly said yes. We named her Martha Mae Grace. Every day I thought of you and your beautiful smile and I kept reminding myself that Martha Mae would grow big and strong and be happy like you.

Me and your mummy talked about how our families were going to meet up and all the fun we would have. Esther and William would play with Henry and Reuben and you and Martha Mae would play together. The two MM’s. We said that you would be such great friends, just like me and your mummy. I am just so so sorry that we did not get to meet.

On the 3rd February 2013 I found out the most heartbreaking news. You had gone to be an angel. I couldn’t believe it. I thought I must have got it wrong, I must have read it wrong. How can this be so??? A beautiful happy healthy baby girl suddenly and unexpectedly taken. This didn’t make sense. I desperately tried to contact your mummy. I didn’t understand, I couldn’t believe it. I spoke to your mummy, your wonderfully brave mummy. It was true. You were gone. Everybody was shocked, heartbroken, upset. Nobody understood why. We cried, we questioned, cried some more. Matilda Mae, you have made a huge impact and legacy. Little girl you are amazing and you have an amazing family that I know you are proud of. And they are proud of you.

Although we did not meet I felt like I knew you. Through the photos and the stories that your mummy told. I will always remember your infectious smile. Even thinking of you now is making me smile.

As the shock of the terrible news sank in, I came to realise something. You were always meant to be an angel.

You were sent to bring more happiness into your families life. You were sent to teach everybody lessons. And that you have done. Sadly, so sadly you were only here for a short time. But in your 9 months on earth you have created many happy memories that will stay with your family forever. Matilda Mae, I believe you were born to be an angel. You brought me and your mummy even closer. I promise you that I will do everything I can to look after her and your daddy and your siblings. Your mummy has helped and supported me and my family and now is my turn to help yours. I know that you have found Isla and Eden. I have asked them to play with you. I hope that you are friends and are having fun. I promise you that I will talk about you with your mummy, to my children and especially to Martha Mae. I am so so so glad we chose her name just like yours. It was you Matilda Mae that helped us to pick her name. I will make sure she grows up knowing about you. You have taught everybody so many lessons. I know you are watching over your family, give your mummy and daddy strength to get through each day. I know how proud you are of them.

Matilda Mae, you are an amazing little girl. Know how loved you are.

Your legacy will last and your name will live on. Gone but never ever forgotten. Rest peacefully beautiful baby Tilda Mae xxxxxxxx