On Christmas Eve we busied ourselves with building shops, train tracks and dolls houses

We finished off and organised

We kept busy, busy, busy

Until we went to bed

Well, to sleep, on our mattress on the lounge floor

Our heavy hearts sinking

As we thought of what the morrow might bring

The morning

Christmas morning

Without Matilda Mae

Esther and William did not wake early on Christmas morning

And when they did wake up

They were not in a hurry to get up

It gave us a moment

To take deep breaths

Fight back tears

And get ready to face the day

We went into Esther and William’s bedroom

And with the help of Peppa Pig

Reminded them of what day it might be

“What’s that loud clattering noise up on the roof?”

Father Christmas? Has he been?

Esther and William had hung their stockings

At the end of their beds

They were very excited to discover that they were no longer empty

Father Christmas really had been

And had bought them a rather magnificent Thomas hat!

After stockings Esther and William went up to explore their play platforms. There Esther found the dolls house she has been longing for and William a wooden garage and a wooden Janod Circus Train Set. They were amazed that Father Christmas had been in their room and put such wonderful toys on their platforms.

Esther and William were happy to play on their platforms until their tummies rumbled for breakfast. And we were happy to let them.

Our Christmas Day had no plan, no structure, it was just us and our memories of one other Christmas, with our Matilda Mae.

When we did get downstairs Esther and William were very keen to see if Santa and the reindeer had sampled the treats we left out for them.

Only then did they notice their large stockings, sacks and piles of presents around the lounge and playroom.

And the great big wooden shop that had been lovingly positioned and built.

Esther found everything very overwhelming but William was all systems go.

He found the biggest present that he could find

And excitedly tore the paper off

Giving me one of the loveliest moments from Christmas this year

It melted my heart that he truly believes

And it broke my heart that one little girl

Never had that chance, never will

We miss you at Christmas and always Matilda Mae

William adores his ‘moving on it’s own engine‘ from Father Christmas

He has played with that and Cranky more than anything else

Always wearing his Minnie’s Macaroon Mr Train hat

Esther also loves her train hat and opened her presents much more slowly than William, exploring each one.

Esther loves her Plan Toys Bee Game from The Toadstool. She loves using the tweezers to move the bees and she loves stacking the hive blocks. I think that this is one of those toys that will come with us wherever we go and be used for a long time in many different ways.

Esther and William have not had much chance yet to play with their new toys.

We went out on Christmas Day to blow bubble kisses to Baby Tilda in the sky.

We also went for tea with Granny and Grandad which was really nice.

Esther got to wear her beautiful snowflake dress from The Princess and The Frock and William his waistcoat, Wish Upon A Star

There is something special about dressing up on Christmas Day

I, of course, wore my Matilda Mae Starlight Dress from Fever in London

It was wonderful that all of our clothes seemed to have a piece of her in them

Our darling girl

Our dearly missed sister

Our beautiful baby Matilda Mae

After tea with Granny

It was time for bath and bed

Knowing that the day was over

And we could be alone with our thoughts

Our memories of a happier Christmas

Knowing that we had done all we could

To make this one a magical one

For Esther and William

Next year I think they will truly truly get it

They will wake up and check if he has been

And next year

With Matilda Mae in our heads and our hearts

We will be ready for them

And next year we will not need to hide behind

Presents upon presents upon presents

Merry Christmas Matilda Mae

Merry Christmas Everyone x