Dear Matilda Mae: I Have Learned

Letters for Matilda Mae

Dear Matilda Mae

I have learned
It is possible for a heart to break
To snap clean into two
If you listen you’ll hear the breaking
There is nothing you can do

I have learned
The love between a baby and her mother
Is stronger than all the rest
Between a baby and their mummy
The bond is stronger than all the rest

I have learned
I would lay down my life
For any child of mine
If ever they should need me
I’ll be there every time

I have learned
Family are important
It is good to keep them close
I will never stray far from my family
So I am there when they need me most

I have learned
Friends come in all shapes and sizes
They all have different strengths
But to protect you and be there for you
They will go to incredible lengths

I have learned
That grief is never ending
You cannot get over death
I will love you, miss you, grieve for you
With my every single breath

I have learned
It is hard to be a mummy
To living children and to dead
When you are playing and singing
You want to crying and grieving instead

I have learned
That I cannot be perfect all the time
That I am going to have bad days
I am going to be sad and angry and mad
And all of those things are okay

I have learned
That life will never be the same again
How can it be now you are gone?
We will find a new kind of normal
Where everything feels a bit wrong

I have learned
I cannot always feel you close
Though I try to believe you are every where
But I believe we will be together in heaven
I know I will find you there

I have learned
Life without you is not easy
Getting up each morning is so hard
But because I love you and your siblings so so much
I know each day needs a new start

I have learned
Your Daddy is all kinds of amazing
More than I already knew
He loves us and takes great care of us
He makes you the centre of all we do

I have learned
That it is okay to miss you
You are our baby and you are gone
We love you Baby Tilda
With every story, game and song

All we do is for you
In honour and memory of you
The most important thing I have learned must be
That you Baby Tilda are the heart of me
And together we can be strong
I will love you my whole life long

I am learning every day
Matilda Mae
Learning through loving you

Cheeky Tilda

8 thoughts on “Dear Matilda Mae: I Have Learned

  1. Jennie, I don’t feel able to write Matilda Mae a letter, I’ve only learnt of you and her during the latter part of last year. I’d rather write you a little note if that’s ok. Your posts move me to tears, regularly. I can’t imagine the pain and heartbreak that you and your family face every moment of every day. How you find the strength to write your words are beyond me, I’m not sure that I could manage it. To know that your little star and her terribly short journey on this earth are helping other families is a wonderful legacy. So many of us will visit this world and leave almost no trace, your daughter will not be forgotten, she is and will be remembered by people she never met, so many people.
    I have a few friends who have lost children, different circumstances, but equally cruel. No family should go through such sorrow. Whenever Monkey and I talk about Star I think of you all, not just Matilda Mae. We will go star gazing when we are in Spain and we’ll wish upon the brightest one and think of you all.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>