Nicholas Evans, English journalist and author
Listen for my footfall in your heart.
I am not gone but merely walk within you.

The title of this photo is ‘Broken Hearted Star’

It was taken almost one year ago

On the 9 month anniversary of Tilda’s death

And the first day of my pregnancy with Rainbow Baby Bea

A special day that I will remember always

For good reasons and for bad

I carry all my children with me every where I go

But with Tilda

It is all I can do

The only way I can hold and carry my baby daughter is in my heart

In every day my heart is heavy

It will never be the same again

My heart is heavy with the weight of Matilda Mae

And one of the best parts of me is missing

I had so many hopes for Matilda Mae

So many dreams of the things we would do together

I had written in my diary

All her birthdays

When she would start preschool and school

I had dreamed of what we would do once Esther and William were at school

I struggle to call Bea by her name

I just call her Baby

If I try anything else then Tilda comes out

A rainbow baby warms your heart

Makes living a little easier

But they do not heal your heart

Because nothing can

I am blessed with four beautiful children

I carry them all in my heart

Every where I go

But with Tilda

It is all I can do

The only way I can hold and carry my baby daughter is in my heart

And though I could not love my children on Earth any more than I do

Missing Tilda makes it so so hard

So so hard