What I would like this Mothers’ Day

One whole hot cup of tea

To eat a meal with a knife and a fork

From a plate rather than a bowl

To clean and tidy one whole room of my house

To get dressed without a time pressure

To have a long hot shower and still have time to dry myself properly

And perhaps apply moisturiser?

What I would like this Mothers’ Day

To get past 10.00am without being covered in snot, silk, milk

And soggy remnants of biscuits

To listen to the sound of silence

To sleep on my front

With the covers right up to my shoulders

To buy some things I really like

Rather than things my children really need

A drink in a sunny pub garden

My breasts to be the same size

To wear some clothes without feeding access

To have my hair cut and coloured and be able to wear it down

What I would like this Mothers’ Day

To go to the loo without visitors, commentary or helping hands

I would like to not have an aching back and hurting arms

From carrying a baby inside and out

For over 15 months

I would like to feel like a woman

Rather than just a mum

I would like to feel like a good mummy

Rather than a struggling one

I would like someone real to tell me I am doing a good job

I would like to feel less lonely

I would like to feel loved and appreciated

I would like to be able to love and appreciate myself

Have confidence in myself

What I would like this Mothers’ Day

I would like to run and laugh and feel real joy

I would love one day of being carefree

I would like some time just Tilda and me

Yes Tilda, remember her?

I would like time one to one with each of my children

I would like a day to be me

To remember who I am

Who I am supposed to be

I love my children dearly

Adore them with all my heart

Would never be without them

Except maybe

Just a few snatched hours

Even just to sit and cry and feel alone

Just to dream

Of a time I might not feel guilty for wanting to be me