On the 2nd May 2015

Baby Tilda should have been three

Three days later

Her little sister

Baby Bea

Turned 9 months

The exact age Matilda Mae was

The day that she died

I had been dreading the day

And especially the night

Since

Perhaps even before

The moment Bea was conceived

I had also promised myself

That I would make the day a good one

In case it was our last

I had lived with that pressure

All that time

Lived with that anxiety and fear

That on the day

The night

She turned 9 months

Bea would follow her little big sister to the sky

You may scoff, laugh

Think I am silly

But it is hard to be rational

Or have any perspective

When your baby has died

And you do not know the reason why

All I could do to get through this day

Was make it the best day it could be

For all of my beautiful children

The original plan had been to visit Lappa Valley

But the weather scared us off

Instead we headed to Newquay

And the Blue Reef Aquarium

We did not make the Coombe Mill Feed Run on this day

Mostly because our beautiful Rainbow Baby

Had been up in the night with a fever

Just what you need

When you are already terrified that she is going to die!

Broken sleep and an early early start

Meant morning snuggles with Baby TV

It was lovely cuddling with my three Earth children that morning

None of them knowing the significance of the day

This was one David and I were going to carry alone

That Bea was today the exact age that Tilda was when she died

With 50 mile an hour winds and torrential rain forecast

We headed to Newquay

And the Blue Reef Aquarium

David and I left slightly earlier than my sister and her brood

We arrived at the aquarium in time for a coffee in the cafe

And for a quick whiz round the aquarium on our own

Esther and William loved looking at all the sea creatures

They were very excited and so raced around the rooms

I was glad that we would be going around again

I was glad that they could show their younger cousins around

It made them feel important

Esther and William love aquariums

They know so much about underwater creatures

From watching lots of Octonauts

We all loved the giant Octopus

And the massive star fish that shared his tank

We loved the seahorses

And the Unicorn Fant

Esther and William loved the sharks

The turtle and the rays

They loved lying on the floor

Of the under sea tunnel

Watching the creatures swim over and around them

I thought it was lovely of the aquarium

To provide steps for the children to carry round with them

So that they could easily see into all of the displays

Bea slept the day away in her Manduca

She was quite a poorly little girl

The aquarium at Newquay is not very big

But it has some wonderful displays

Some beautiful sea life

And well delivered, interesting talks

We watched the turtle being fed

And the sharks too

The great thing about Newquay aquarium is

Once you have paid your entrance fee

You can come in and out of the building as much as you please

We were able to go out for lunch and come back again

If the weather had been kinder we would definitely have spent some time

On the gorgeous sandy beach

As it was we ate Cornish Pasties

Sheltered in a designated drinking zone!!

On top of a cliff looking over the sea

Refuelled we headed back to the aquarium for a third look round

Before returning to our house on the farm

Before we left

Taking inspiration from Embrace Happy

I left Tilda’s name on the wall at the aquarium

And the address of my blog

Esther drew a pink and purple seahorse

I hope that we spread Tilda’s legacy a little further that way

On the way back David and I decided that this day

This long anticipated

Dreaded day

This milestone for us and Bea and our poor beautiful Matilda Mae

Should be the day that David would complete his mile in memory

Walking up the river to Coombe Mill Farm

Walking up the river that Tilda’s ashes sailed down

2 years and 3 days before

I was so proud of him for doing it

Esther and William were too

We threw flowers into the river to meet him

Following the very journey that our baby’s ashes made

On the 2nd May 2015

Baby Tilda should have been three

Three days later

Her little sister

Baby Bea

Turned 9 months

The exact age Matilda Mae was

The day that she died

I had been dreading the day

And especially the night

Since, perhaps even before

The moment Bea was conceived

I had also promised myself

That I would make the day a good one

In case it was our last

With the help of my sister, her husband and children

With the help of my beautiful children

And my amazing, inspirational husband

We remembered Matilda

And celebrated Bea

In a beautiful, gentle way

Under the sea

For our Star of the Sea

In an aquarium full of signs