As we start a new academic year

My mantra is going to be ‘Let It Go’

Let go of what I cannot control

Be confident in my choices

Learn to feel comfortable in my own skin

Stop comparing myself to others

Comparison is the thief of joy

This year I am going to be more accepting of me

And I am not going to waste time and energy

On people who feel that it is okay to be rude to me

Make sarcastic comments about my children

Or make me feel that grieving for Tilda is wrong

I have spent a lot of the last couple of years

Getting upset about the actions of others

Allowing myself to be repeatedly hurt by the words of others

And I am not going to do that anymore

This year I am going to focus on our little family

And I am going to ensure that I look after myself

So that I am better able to look after them

This year I am going to honour and remember my baby

As we continue ‘Living for Tilda’

I am also going to try very hard to take what I see on social media

With a huge pinch of salt

Reminding myself

That I am comparing my whole life

With carefully edited fragments of the lives of others

And that is a dangerous game

This happens in real life too

With people who should know better!

I think really I am just going to protect myself more this year

From others

And from me

My thoughts

Comparison is the thief of joy!

And so this year I am cutting myself some slack

And being okay with the fact that

I cannot parent my four living children

In the same way as parents with just one child do

I cannot parent my living children after losing Tilda

In the way that parents who have never experienced loss parent

I cannot educate my four children

In the same way as a parent might educate one child or even two

And all of that is okay!

I cannot educate my children with complex learning needs

In the same way parents and teachers educate those without the same needs

I cannot parent all my own children in exactly the same way

For they are all different

And that is okay

I cannot have a tidy house, play with my babies, educate my children

Do all things for all people every day

And that is okay

I cannot live my life in the way that someone in their twenties, or even thirties, does

Nor should I be expected to

And that is okay

I cannot afford to do all the things that others with more money do

And that is okay

It really is okay

It is okay to be me

To do things my way

And to be proud of the decisions I have made

The things I do and do not do

The choices I make

Even when those choices are misunderstood

Or cannot be understood by others

That is okay!

I am okay

We are okay

Until I look out at others

I am sure of myself

And then …

Comparison is the Thief of Joy – A Poem

I must learn not to compare myself
There is no one quite like me
I waste so much time worrying
That I am not as good as I should be

I waste so much time panicking
Wondering, do they like me, do they care?
So much time beating myself up
I must learn not to compare

Life always looks better
Their grass is always more green
But I am comparing not to the life they actually live
Just the polished fragments I have seen

I make such unfair comparisons
That leave me feeling so low
I try to live up to such high expectations
But why? For who? I do not know

I make such unfair comparisons
That leave me feeling so low
In order to better protect myself
It is time to let it go!

It is time to LET IT GO!