Yesterday saw us taking the chocolate coins out of pouch number three on our Snowman advent calendar as we shared our third Christmas story. The Christmas Story, especially for little hearts, minds and hands. Esther and William love a book … Continue reading
It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas in the Edspire household. The advent calendar is up and filled with chocolate and some little decorations are adorning the walls. We have also started our festive story collection and would … Continue reading
Earlier this year we were honoured to be chosen as a Toy Genius family for Toyjeanius. Each toy that we have been sent has been perfectly suited to Esther and William’s age, ability and interests. Our most recent delivery was … Continue reading
What a difference a year makes!
We have just had a lovely evening with family, fireworks, a bonfire and hot dogs.
There is something wonderful about bonfire night.
I have fond memories of this night as a child. My parents hosted our family bonfire nights serving hot dogs and steaming mugs of soup as I did tonight. We would all stand around a bonfire and have sparklers too.
Tonight we had a very smoky bonfire and some fireworks too. William loved the fireworks but Esther was not so sure.
Last night we did not have fireworks of the conventional kind but I did suffer an emotional outburst of my own.
What a difference a year makes!
I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday.
I am just so tired and the babies were screaming all day and I just lost it and screamed back.
I had been home alone with them for 8 hours and had had a couple of bad nights and was just exhausted.
I felt so terrible that I burst into tears and sobbed til David came home and found me.
I scared myself.
It just doesn’t seem to be getting any easier.
I always thought that I would be a good Mum and would find this something I enjoyed but at the moment it just feels like hard work and I feel sad a lot of the time and then I feel guilty for feeling sad.
I am frustrated that the babies have no clue who I am.
I am scared that I am not going to be a very good Mum.
I want to be better, I want things to get better.
Sorry for the rant. I just wanted to get in touch with someone and let off some steam and hope for a friendly reply.
I sound so ungrateful don’t I?
I’m not, I love the babies so much and I am so thankful for them but they really are such hard work and at the moment for very little in return.
Rubbish day x
Today I am feeling very confused after another NHS scan. Last week I had a private nuchal scan that dated me at 13 weeks. Today, 9 days later, I had my NHS nuchal scan that dates me at 13 weeks … Continue reading
Today David carved the first of our Halloween pumpkins. One for William, which will be an owl, and one for Esther which is, of course, a star! Here are some pictures of the pumpkin carving and a video clearly demonstrating … Continue reading
This is Esther when she was 8 days old and 8 days into her 59 day stay in NICU at the William Harvey Hospital in Ashford, Kent. She was not there entirely alone, she had her twin brother, William, in … Continue reading
